


The Reapers

by Irimsaya, shadow0246



Series: Reunited [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-04
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 15:38:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 82,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irimsaya/pseuds/Irimsaya, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow0246/pseuds/shadow0246
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Commanders are dealing with the Reaper threat while simultaneously trying to live their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written with my long time friend in crime: Irimsaya. (doesn't have an AO3 account yet)
> 
> Events covering the game of ME3.
> 
> Can be read as stand alone, but it's really really better if it's being read as part of the whole series.  
> If you don't want to, keep this is mind:
> 
> \- originally written only for my friend and I as text rpg  
> \- Jase IS Commander Shepard too (and gay), but from an alternate reality (came over in ME1, Eden Prime)  
> \- We adjusted the beginning for this part slightly.  
> \- additional characters we listed are covered, but main focus are our Shepards and their LIs
> 
> About the end:  
>  **No** major character death **s**. And we... changed it a bit. Cause having a 2nd Shepard from another universe gives you a bit of an extra option  >:). It's still a war story and war comes with many losses across the galaxy.
> 
>  
> 
> You might notice in the middle something, we kind of accidently messed up (a bit) the timeline with the Cerberus coup but well. I personally was too lazy to rewrite that part and my friend had other, more important, problems.
> 
>  
> 
> **Characters are written by:**  
>  Shadow:
> 
>   * Jase Shepard,
>   * Kaidan Alenko,
>   * Darian Salvar (original character),
>   * Dr. Arlen Novak (original character),
>   * sometimes Joker, Hannah Shepard and Edi
> 

> 
> Irimsaya:
> 
>   * Irimsaya "Saya" Shepard,
>   * Joker,
>   * Kasumi, 
>   * Miranda Lawson, 
>   * Liam (original character), 
>   * Liara, 
>   * Dr. Chakwas,
>   * most of Hannah Shepard and Edi,
>   * sometimes Kaidan Alenko (eg: Jase and Kaidan talk, Saya writes Kaidan)
> 


### Earth

Irimsaya had been standing in front of the Fleet Admirals trying to explain things when the first blast hit, rokcing the building violently. She had tried to warn them it was coming but she hadn't been fast enough. Saya found herself running with Anderson towards the door and then suddenly she was unconscious. When she woke there was debris on top of her and someone yelling for her. When the ringing in her ears cleared she could tell it was Anderson. And she also knew they had to get away from the building as fast as they could. Preferably to a ship. Even better would be to the Normandy.

  


Kaidan shook his head with a smirk as Edi pretended to be just a normal VI with the Alliance people on board. That's when he heard the attack sirens. He ran to the cockpit and Joker.

"Joker, what's going on?"

"Ahh... I don't want to say the Commander warned us. But... hell yes I do - she warned us. The Reapers are here."

"We need to get the Normandy out of here."

"Edi's already on it. Where was the Commander do you know?"

"Briefing the Admirals."

Kaidan watched as Joker turned a pale face towards him.

"What??"

"That was the first place hit." Joker turned back to his controls. "Okay we have lift-off. Time for a search and rescue?"

Kaidan nodded.

"We need to find Anderson and Shepard. Let's go." 

Kaidan sat down in the chair next to Joker.

"God, I had hoped this day would never come. Hang on, I'm getting a signal." Kaidan listend, it was the Admiral.

"Admiral Anderson is patching the Commander in," Kaidan said when the Normandy shook from a blast coming from a Reaper. Kaidan looked outside through the Normandy's windows and was shocked at what he saw. A real nightmare coming true. He tried to answer Anderson but wasn't sure if it went through, but he understood Anderson had problems himself and they had to take another route.

"We need to get to them Joker, they're having problems!"

Joker was biting his lip.

"EDI!! We kinda need ya here!" Joker shouted at his AI friend.

"I have not left Jeff. I am monitoring all communications frequencies and I believe I have located the Commander and other survivors. You will find the co-ordinates on the panel in front of your eyes."

"Yeah keep working on the humour Edi. Bad time for it. Hang on, we're going in!"

Joker flew then as close as he could to some floating debris.

"She'll need an arm in Alenko! GO!"

Kaidan nodded just once and hurried off, taking a few crew members with them.

"All right Joker, we're in place! Open the hangar!" He watched as the door slowly opened and he could see Saya and Anderson standing on the rubble in the midst of the water. His beautiful city was already burning and being shredded into pieces. Kaidan reached out a hand towards Saya when she jumped into the hangar.

Irimsaya took his hand to steady herself then looked back at Anderson.

"Anderson COME ON!" She yelled at him.

"GO! Get to the Citadel! Bring us some help!"

"But sir...!"

"Don't sir me Commander!"

"I'm not a Commander anymore!"

She caught what he suddenly through to her.

"Consider yourself re-instated! Now GO!"

Irimsaya closed her eyes and nodded once. She then turned and issued the orders, putting her dogtags on. But a noise made her turn back. Saya watched as the child she had tried to help boarded one of the rescue shuttles.. just before said shuttles were destroyed. Her eyes widened in horror and barely felt the arm around her shoulders.

Kaidan watched her from behind, he didn't really see what had been happening but saw the two shuttles exploding and then the hangar closed. 

"Joker, take us out of here!"

  


Kaidan himself was still shocked, but there was no time to show it or act on it. The war had come and this was just the beginning, he knew it.

"Saya... we need to get going," Kaidan said softly. He wasn't prepared to see her this pissed off though as she stalked away, towards the armory where her armour was laying.

"Saya.." And James seemed to be pissed off too, as he demanded some answers from their Commander. Kaidan shook his head at him to let it go.

"BACK OFF JAMES!" Irimsaya didn't care that she had shouted. 

"Commander, Admiral Hackett is on the line for you." Edi broke in.

"I'll take it right away thanks Edi."

Irimsaya stalked to the comm and talked to Hackett then came out to Kaidan.

"We have to stop at Mars. Apparently there's a Prothean artifact there."

"Mars? Admiral Anderson said we should go to the Citadel." But he nodded, orders were orders and it sounded important. "I'll grab my gear."

Irimsaya looked at James.

"Suit up James."

"Finally! Some action!"

Irimsaya shook her head then went and helped Kaidan get into his armour.

"Been too long since I could help you with this." She said softly into his ear.

"Yes, too long. I love you," he whispered back.

Irimsaya kissed his ear gently.

"Love you too. Help me with mine?"

"Of course." If they just had listened to her, and to Jase, Kaidan mused. If they just had listened. "There, all set Saya."

Joker came over the comm.

"We're at Mars folks, prepare to deploy."

Irimsaya nodded grimly and put her helmet on. "On the shuttle boys. Let's get that artifact."

Kaidan nodded and followed her, they all saw the big storm approaching. It was massive, but they had other things to worry about. Like earth being erradicated. 

But what was even worse, Cerberus was on the planet too, executing people. It made his blood boil and he wondered if Saya had any idea why they would be here. But he trusted her. When they found Liara he was glad to see their old friend again but was also kind of shocked how quick she was to kill the two soldiers following her. More and more Cerberus soldiers were in their way once Liara had taken James' place.

"Saya, do you know anything about them being here?"

Irimsaya turned to him, shock in her eyes.

"Why would I know anything about this??"

"I don't know, maybe they dropped a hint somewhere. I trust you, but them being here... something doesn't make sense."

Irimsaya glared at him.

"And you think I wouldn't have told you?? Kaidan come off it. I have told you *everything* I know about Cerberus. You and the Alliance."

She shook her head then looked at some cameras.

"Who's that Liara?"

"We always call her Eva. She's one of the new doctors here."

"Well she's still alive and.... and apparently shooting our people. Let's MOVE."

Kaidan nodded and followed her, knowing they just had stepped into more messy business of Cerberus.

Irimsaya was getting more and more pissed as they fought their way to the artifact room. These Cerberus soldiers seemed different somehow than normal soldiers. But she didn't have time to think about it as they got off the tram and then Liara led the way to the artifact.

"Someone is downloading the data," Liara said.

"They are indeed Shepard."

Irimsaya turned, gun drawn, to find herself face to face with The Illusive Man once more.

Kaidan scouted the room and could hear them talking from far away, he eyed the image of the man and narrowed his eyes at him. Eventually he found Dr. Eva in a little room and called her out. The woman seemed petite but she was strong and he found himself suddenly on the floor.

Irimsaya heard the bang and turned.

"Kaidan!" She watched as he got to his feet then saw Eva running.

"She has the data Shepard we cannot allow her to escape!" Liara shouted.

"Why can't it ever be easy." Irimsaya groaned then took off running after Eva.

Kaidan and Liara followed her suit and fought off any additional Cerberus soldiers. That woman was running like a maniac and Kaidan doubted she was just a human. After he had seen the one "enhanced" soldier he was afraid of what Saya looked like inside. It had been very scaring.

They were right on her heels and yet not fast and quick enough as their enemy dodged any attacks and eventually jumped into a shuttle and flew off. Kaidan growled in anger.

"Normandy! James! Where the hell are you guys??"

Irimsaya watched in horror as James responded with a "Right here" before slamming their shuttle into Eva's causing both to crash. Saya groaned and found herself next to Liara as Kaidan was signalling to James to get his ass down to them. When she heard something coming from the shuttle, Saya turned. She raised her gun just before Eva grabbed her by the face of her helmet and lifted her into the air.

"Major!!" Liara all but screamed at Kaidan to get his attention.

Kaidan was up on his feet quickly, the blue aura of his biotics being ready surrounded him and his gun pointed at the devil in person. He couldn't fire at all as Saya was blocking his way.

"LET HER GO!!"

Eva heard Kaidan's demand and she put her hand to her communicator.

"Orders?"

"Dispose of her," The illusive man replied, a smile on his face.

Irimsaya cried out as she was slammed against the ruined shuttle repeatedly and the face of helmet cracked. She fell to the ground, not moving and barely breathing. Barely hearing the shots being fired in anger.

Kaidan rushed to her side, fearing she was dead. "Saya! Saya, please!" He had to get her onto the Normandy, but they had no Doctor there yet.

Liara ran to him.

"We must get her onto the Normandy!" As their ship wheeled into view, Joker having given up on waiting for them. 

Kaidan nodded and picked her up, carrying her into the ship and brought her quickly to med bay where he carefully laid her down and watched her face.

"Major! She needs medical attention, we must get her to the Citadel!"

Kaidan gave her an odd look, as if he didn't know this himself. "Joker, get us to the Citadel. And.. I need to speak with Admiral Hackett in the comms room." He would talk to the Admiral and then come back to Saya right away. He nodded to himself, it did sound like they had a basic plan but things had gotten very complicated.

"Saya, stay with me, do you hear me, don't give in and fight, for us, for me. We're getting help for you," he whispered into her ear before he left in a hurry.

After speaking with Hackett, Kaidan rushed back to his wife's side. Both of her eyes looked like someone had punched her and there was other bruising. He clenched his fists in helplessness then remembered Jase was on the Citadel. He had to find him.

When they finally arrived at the Citadel, Kaidan ran with the doctors to the hospital - until they stopped him.

"Let me know if you need anything Doc." His heart and stomach were both twisting as he let his eyes stay on his wife until they closed the door.

Kaidan rubbed his forehead then went in search for Jase, hoping he wouldn't be too hard to find. After asking around a bit he found his brother-in-law in the Dark Star lounge and went right over to him.

"Jase.."


	2. Starting the Hunt

### Starting the Hunt

The days after he had left the Normandy quickly turned into weeks. And the weeks into a month and two.

Jase had gone back to the Citadel, picked up his life where he had left it off. The only difference was Joker was missing from it. He had understood why the man wanted to stay on the Normandy and he had agreed to it too, but Jase knew they were starting to drift apart. At the beginning he was calling Jeff every day, he still called him once a week but somehow it didn't feel the same anymore, as if they were down to being just friends. Joker kept telling him about Edi and what they were doing in basic terms. And Jase told him in return about Cerberus hunting him down two times, that he had to give up on their apartment and had to find a new one. 

All of this had been two months ago and Jase knew they were on him again. He was constantly being watched and the hairs on his neck stood up again. That feeling had saved him his life a hundreds of times already. By having his hair growing longer and wearing a full black beard didn't seem to be helping this time and he was tired of this. If he could end it now he would, no questions asked. The past two weeks had been shitty ones already and he wasn't in the mood for being played by Cerberus. The last thing he could do was to change his name, but it didn't feel right at all. He wanted to kill a few more of them.

Now sitting in the bar gave him some kind of security, as many people were usually around having a good time. Jase wasn't in the mood to get drunk though, feeling too down for it and he needed to stay sharp anyway. He had his datapad out and kept reading the files of the kids. Twelve minus two. One young man died in a fight with another gang, Jase had been too late that day and only found the dying teen. But at least he had been there in his last minute and promised him to watch out for his girl. Only to run after her the next day, up onto the roof of a nearby building where he had tried his damn best to talk her out of jumping off it, but failed. 

Jase rubbed his face again, he should have taken a shrink lesson somewhere along the way. Or maybe he just wasn't good at talking anymore, had forgotten how to do it. And yet his people insisted he had done what he could and they couldn't have it done any better. He found it easy for them to say, just one of them had been there seeing her taking the dive. And even she told him the same. 

To make matters worse, watching the news was all he could do right now, because just as he and Saya always knew, the Reapers were coming and now that they actually hit earth he couldn't stop listening in the vain hope to hear anything about Vancouver and the Normandy. Jase got up and went to a terminal to contact Joker, but he just shook his head at it when he couldn't reach him, again. 'This is going to be a very long day,' Jase thought as he went back to his chair and shrugged out of his leather jacket.

When the man who joined him addressed him by his name he wanted to say, 'not interested' right away but stopped. It was Kaidan.

"Kaidan!? You're here? I thought you were back on earth!"

Kaidan nodded.

"We were, we barely managed to escape. It's bad there. Jase.. I think you should come to the hospital with me."

Jase nodded and stood up, getting his jacket. Hearing the news was bad already, but Kaidan had been there.

"'We' means the Normandy is here?"

Kaidan nodded again.

"Yeah. Yeah the Normandy is here. Jase... Saya's been hurt. Bad."

Jase stopped walking for a second to look at him. "What?! What the hell happened?"

Kaidan rubbed his eyes, his whole body tense with emotion.

"We were on Mars, trying to retrieve a Prothean artifact. Cerberus was there too. They were executing everyone who worked there. And there was a Dr. Eva. She'd infiltrated the lab there. When we got to the room with the data she was taking it for The Illusive Man. She ran.. Saya chased her. But Eva got to her shuttle - which of course James rammed out of the sky with our own shuttle. I think Saya was helping Liara when Eva came striding out of the wreckage and grabbed Saya by the front of her helmet, lifting her into the air. I couldn't get a clear shot at the thing who had Saya - it was some kind of machine. Then it rammed Saya into the ruined shuttle several times, cracking the faceplate of her helmet before I could kill it. We got her here as fast as we could since we didn't have a doctor on the Normandy."

Kaidan trailed off, his head slowly started to ache.

Jase nodded after swallowing down the urge to ask who James was. "God damn it. Cerberus again. Those bastards." So they were going to the hospital and Jase hurried along. "She'll be fine, she's strong." Jase told Kaidan, hoping he could give him some kind of .. hope.

Kaidan just shook his head a bit.

"She was dying in my arms Jase. You should have see her.. her face is all bruised.. her body felt broken.." His voice was starting to shake a bit but he didn't care.

Jase laid his hand on his back to offer some silent comfort while they were going to the hospital. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Kaidan just looked at him.

"I don't think there would have been anything you could do different. The Illusive Man ordered that thing to kill my wife."

  


Kaidan paced the waiting room of the hospital while Jase sat and watched. Soon Saya's doctor came out to them.

"She's stable but in a coma. If you wish to see her you may."

Jase was watching Kaidan as he went into Saya's room and stood outside, looking at them through the glass. He saw him talking to her for a little while and then Kaidan leaned down to give her a gentle kiss. A minute later and Kaidan came back out, Jase noticed the defeated look on his face.

"Hey, she's alive. That's what counts."

Kaidan rubbed his forehead.

"Yeah... but it doesn't make seeing her like that any easier. You should go to her. Maybe hearing your voice too will help."

Jase nodded, knowing he'd like that. "Thanks." Then he went inside, not really knowing what to say. He sat down and looked at her face. Kaidan was right, she looked aweful.

"Hey sis. I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here. And I want you to know, we need you. I need you. I just.. it's not your time yet, understood? You've got a house and some kids waiting for you, you know that. Just, wake up, please." Jase watched her silently some more, hoping for a flicker of her eyes, wanting her to open them and look at him. But it wouldn't come. Jase bowed his head a little and whispered, "I love you."

Jase went back outside and stood silently at Kaidan's side for a while, before he cleared his throat. "Okay.. what happens now."

Kaidan swallowed hard.

"I don't know Jase. I wish I did know. Would make life a hell of a lot easier."

A nurse came up to them quickly.

"Are one of you Jase Shepard?"

Jase frowned a little at both of them before he replied. "I am. What's wrong?"

The nurse bit her lip then handed him a pad.

"This came for you from Admiral Hackett. He figured you would be here. He's re-instating you as Commander and due to the circumstances - a Spectre as well."

Jase took it and looked at her, somewhat dumbfounded, knowing she wasn't really a nurse now. He read it through then. He was to meet the Council, who apparently had been discussing the Spectre matter and discuss help for earth. Jase thanked her and looked at Kaidan then walked with him to the elevator. Once inside he handed him the datapad.

Kaidan read it over then handed it to Jase, confusion on his face.

"They're discussing it for both of us? Why me??"

"I... don't know. Hell if I knew what they're thinking. You'd make a good Spectre, though." 

It was more troubling that the Alliance considered dragging him back into it and even giving him the Commander status without thinking about it twice. Hell, he'd left them. And now they just acted as if he'd never did? They didn't even ask him about it, just reinstated his rank and everything else. Jase knew he wouldn't have said no anyway and by now he figured they finally believed them and that he too, was not insane either. 

There was a lot of work ahead, he'd have to catch up on the Normandy's crew, the status of the ship, knowing they had partly ripped it apart and were putting her back together. And Jase needed a shave and haircut right away. The next two hours until the meeting would give him just enough time for this.

"Kaidan, I need to get to the Normandy."

Kaidan looked at him then nodded a bit. He was just having a hard time leaving Saya alone in the hospital.

"You don't think they'll try to come after her here, do you?"

Jase was going to ask why Kaidan would think that, but he stopped. Of course they would, after all they tried to come after him too.

"They would. They came after me too," he replied thoughtfully and he was a bit out of the loop. "Kaidan, stay with her. I'll handle the Council and come back here."

Kaidan raised his eyebrows.

"Are you sure? I thought they wanted both of us.."

Now Jase became even more confused. "Kaidan. What?" He thought about it and took the datapad again to read it once more. "You're right of course. God damn, this is such a mess." He really needed to get a grip on this situation and fall back onto his experience. "I'm sorry."

Kaidan shook his head.

"Don't apologize Jase, there's no need to. Your sister, my wife... she's lying helpless on that bed and both of us get called away to see the Council in a couple of hours. I don't like this - I feel like we're being lured from her."

Jase nodded, he was right and to top it off, Reapers were busily killing a lot of people while they stood there talking. 

"Okay, thanks. My apartment, I don't think it's safe. I already moved, but," Jase shook his head and went on to explain, "just before you showed up I felt there was someone around, watching me." That was also why he wanted to go to the Normandy to tidy up. At least his clothes were clean and fresh. "How about you stay here until the Council meeting and we meet at the Embassies."

Kaidan was eying him thoughtfully.

"Watching you huh. Great... okay just be careful. If Cerberus is after both of you..." Kaidan closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "I don't think I can handle both of you in the hospital."

"Don't worry. I already escaped them twice." Jase kept watching Kaidan, the stress was starting to take its toll on him. "Kaidan, take it easy. She needs you. I need you, too."

Kaidan tried to smile a bit.

"I feel so wanted." He grew serious again. "All right, I'll stay with her until the council meeting but please be careful yourself. I wonder if she can even hear us... I mean when we talked to her..."

"Everything helps. She might know you're there. Go, Kaidan." Jase knew Saya would feel better if she knew her husband was there.

Jase smiled a little at him and watched him go then and he hurried to the Normandy. First thing he did was saying hello to Joker, who was chatting away with Edi.

"Hello, Jeff."

Joker turned in his chair, shock on his face, then a brilliant smile.

"JASE!!" He stood up and hugged the other man tightly, not caring who was watching. "Man am I glad to see you!"

Jase laughed softly and returned the smile. "Likewise. Haven't heard from you in a while, you're doing ok?"

Joker just held him close, not wanting to let go.

"No. And I'm sorry about that. I had to keep the Alliance folks from realizing that Edi is an unshackled AI. They all think she's just a VI."

"Good. Well done Joker." Jase chuckled. That had to mean something when they were able to pretend Edi was just a VI. When Jase let go of him he saw another door had been added. "Hello... a new door? Guess they wanted to give you some privacy huh."

Joker grinned broadly.

"I requested it and Anderson liked the idea so he placed the order for me."

Jase nodded, it made sense to him. "They have reinstated me as a Commander. I'll be meeting with the Council soon, just have to look decent for them. Anything I should know?"

Joker looked thoughtful.

"Well Liara has taken up residence in Miranda's old office. Other than that, I got nothin."

Jase raised his eyebrows, Liara was here too? "Thanks. I'm in my old cabin." Jase hurried off and noticed the changes in the Normandy. The ship was darker again and the door to the armory was gone. There was a dark haired woman where Kelly once stood and he hoped she wasn't as annoying as Kelly. Jase introduced himself quickly and took the elevator up to the first deck. With a sigh he took in the changes up there and shook his head at it. The Normandy looked like a half finished job inside and he entered his quarters. It was unused. The ship models were gone and dust had settled everywhere. Jase went to his clock and turned on some music and realized in dismay it had been changed too. He shut it off and went into the bathroom.

Once freshly shaved and hair cut down he sighed and went back down to Traynor, figuring she could give him a helping hand until he had to meet with the Council. He never realized how fast the time was going by until Traynor reminded him of it and he chuckled softly. He already liked her and hurried off to meet up with Kaidan in front of Udina's office.

"Kaidan. Any change?"

Kaidan shook his head, looking like a man losing his soul.

"Nothing." His voice cracked a bit. "The doctor did say though that if she hadn't had those augments - she'd probably have died from her injuries en route to the Citadel."

Jase didn't know what to say, he shook his head and laid his arm around him. "She is.. she will pull through this."

Kaidan closed his eyes and allowed himself the comfort of that arm around his shoulders.

"She has to be Jase. I can't lose her again. I can't."

"I know. None of us can," Jase replied quietly.

  


An hour later Jase was fuming quietly away in Udina's office. Once again they wouldn't get any help from the Council. But when the turian from the Council gave him his Spectre status and offered him a way out of the mess by playing politics, he had no other choice but to accept it. They would now head out to Palavan, but before he and Kaidan would visit Saya again.

Irimsaya's doctor looked up when Jase came through the door, Kaidan right behind him.

"There's still no change I'm afraid. She's still comatose."

Jase nodded his thanks at her. He was glad to have Dr. Chakwas back on the Normandy and Thane watching over Saya made him feel a lot better. 

"We're leaving the Citadel, Dr. Michel. If there's _anything_ , please let us know."

Dr. Michel put a gentle hand on his arm.

"I promise you I will inform both of you of any changes."

"Thank you Doctor," Jase said and heard Kaidan say the same. Good thing he had bought a fish feeding VI for his fish and a VI to feed his hamster. There was no time to pick up his pets. Before Jase boarded the Normandy he was stopped by a pesky reporter woman, called Allers, wanting to come with them. Jase inwardly groaned and looked at Kaidan quickly before he gave in and allowed it.

"You can bring one foot locker and you adjust your dress code. Follow me." 

Jase led the way to the Normandy and waited until Allers was out of earshot. "Joker, set a course to Palavan right away." Then he looked at Kaidan. "If there's anything else important Kaidan, now is the time."

Kaidan was watching the galaxy map.

"Everything important to me is lying in a hospital bed Jase. But, I appreciate you asking. Let's go help the Turians."

"Okay," he replied softly, knowing he himself would make his first round of the ship and get to know the new faces on it. "Get some rest Kaidan, please."

Kaidan put a hand on Jase's arm gently.

"Would it... be inappropriate to ask if I could use her cabin? It would make me feel like I'm still close to her if you know what I mean."

"Of course not! Kaidan, she's your wife. It's your room too." Jase stopped him before he left. "I could take Liara and James Vega with me, if you need some time."

Kaidan shook his head no.

"You might need my biotics on this. I'm coming with. And if I don't look out for you Saya will have my ass."

That made Jase laugh a little actually and he smiled at him. "That she would." He watched him leave and sighed softly, then set off to explore the ship. 

He was surprised to find the armory down in the Cargo hold now and started to chat with that James Vega fellow when he spotted one of his ships. Jase noted it for later, wondering how they managed to put them down here. He was also pleasantly surprised to find a sandsack hanging there. And the way Vega had packed his muscles he was sure it was being used fairly regular. Missing a Krogan on board Jase knew he was going to make use of it. 

Once satisfied Jase discovered they had a shuttle pilot who actually could fix _and_ fly a shuttle. The part about his dead husband hit him pretty hard though and after the chat he found himself talking to Adams before he went to his own cabin to get his armour. 

Kaidan met him at the shuttle a little while later, all suited up.

"I'm ready when you are Commander."

Jase nodded and they went into their shuttle. Having Kaidan back on their team made him feel better, as Jase knew he could count on him to watch his back. While flying to the moon Jase watching the feed from outside of Palaven. It looked very bad. "Is this what it was like back on earth?"

Kaidan was breathing hard as he watched the devastation.

"Yeah... it seems worse when you're actually on the planet though."

Jase closed his eyes for a moment. "I.. I know. I remember it." Jase took a deep breath and then they reached the landing zone, which was swarmed by husks and Jase actually had some fun shooting them and getting back into his routine. He noticed right away some improvements on his omni-tool and given the nature of these husks he could try out a few different things without endangering the squad.

Kaidan just kept lobbing biotic skill after biotic skill, taking out his anger on the husks.

Jase was glad once they reached the camp, but that feeling went away pretty soon as they were told the Primarch was dead. Now they had to repair the comm tower and while fighting, he kept an eye on Kaidan, noticing he went out on a full scale. "Kaidan, don't stress yourself out, alright? Go up there and fix the tower."

Kaidan looked at him in surprise but nodded, too used to following orders.

"Yes Commander," he climbed up the tower and got to work on it as fast as he could. "I need a bit more time!"

"Noone's gonna get up there, just fix it!" Jase yelled up at him, trusting Kaidan would do it. James and he kept taking out husk after husk, buying Kaidan the time he needed. There was some pride creeping up in Jase as he worked together with James, the young man truly was a skilled soldier and knew his job. Once Kaidan was done Jase nodded briefly. "Good job everyone," and radioed the General, letting them know it was back online. 

Just as they were back at the camp Joker called him and Jase felt a little annoyed, he had no time for any unimportant problems. But when Joker told him something weird was going on he knew it needed to be checked out. His first instinct was to send James, but he knew with the beasts around here he would need a soldier. And he didn't want to risk Kaidan's life.

"Kaidan, go back to the Normandy, see what you can do." He was their best chance and Liara could give him a helping hand if needed. Also, Kaidan was his second in command at the moment.

Kaidan stared at him in shock, wondering if he had done something wrong.

"Aye aye."

He turned and stalked towards the shuttle, replaying everything in his mind as to what might have made Jase send him away.

  


Eventually Jase was back in their shuttle sitting next to Garrus and James with their newest guest, Primarch Victus and were flying back to the Normandy. After the debriefing he took a moment to collect himself before he spoke to the Primarch once more. And then he needed to find out what had been going, Jase headed right away to Kaidan.

"Kaidan, what's been going on up here?"

"Systems are fluctuating madly. No idea what's going on with Edi. Commander." Kaidan's voice was almost ice cold as he spoke.

Jase picked up on it, going from using his first name to addressing him with his rank was very unnerving. But before he could ask him about it he needed to get the Normandy back into shape. 

"Only one way to find out, the Core room. We'll talk later." And apparently there had been a small fire going. The crew took it out and Jase looked at Kaidan for a second as their "robot" started to walk towards them. And it spoke, with Edi's voice.

"Edi? Is that you?" The first thing he thought was that Joker was going to freak over this. Edi in a body.

Kaidan was staring at the 'woman' before them - seeing only the creature that had hurt his wife.

"Yes Shepard. It is me. I thought it would be more beneficial for me to attempt to access the information if I took control of this construct." Edi responded.

"Uh, yeah. Just warn the crew the next time. You had us all worried. And that thing..," he pointed at her 'body', "won't start shooting at us again?" But as long as it was Edi, and he trusted Edi, he figured they all would be alright. 

And, according to her, this unit could go on missions. This raised his interest even more. Having Edi down on planets on missions could be extremely helpful. Jase watched her leave and since he and Kaidan were alone in the core room Jase decided they needed to talk.

"Kaidan, what's wrong."

Kaidan turned to him.

"Where would you like me to start? Feeling like crap because I think I did something wrong on that mission? Why else would you send me back to the Normandy. And now... now the THING that nearly killed my WIFE is wandering freely around the ship?!"

"That **thing** is now called Edi. In this very room we had a geth, it was called Legion. And it became my friend." 

Jase sighed, he was tired and Kaidan had the worst day of his life. "As for the mission. How can you even think that? You haven't done anything wrong, Major. I sent you up here because I needed someone I can trust and knows what he's doing! Just.. speak up the next time. Or ask, I'm not your enemy."

Kaidan was about to say something else when Traynor interrupted them.

"Major Alenko, you have a message from someone saying she is your wife."

Kaidan looked at Jase in surprise and shock.

"Thank you, Traynor." Jase answered for him, but he wanted to know what Kaidan had been about to say. 

"First. Spit it out, what was your reply. And then let's read that message."

Kaidan rubbed his forehead.

"I'm glad you trust me... but... I was better fighting. I wasn't thinking about her all the time. Then when I got back here she was all I could think of."

He bounced a bit, wanting to see the message from Saya.

"I always trusted you, this hasn't changed. Come on, let's read the message," Jase said and for once he followed him.

Kaidan led the way to Saya's cabin and turned on her screen.

"Hey.. she can have visitors. Can we go?"

Jase looked thoughtful about this, they had the Primarch on board now for the summit and he had to pick the leaders up as they'd hold the summit on the Normandy. Aside of this they had a lead on Cerberus activity and Grissom Academy needed help too.

"I know I'll be asking a lot of you and I want to see her, too. But," Jase sighed deeply, it was only getting worse from this point on now, they were in a war. "We have some intel on Cerberus which is worth checking out and Grissom Academy's students need help. I sent a young man there, Kaidan. Saya is safe on the Citadel, these people aren't," Jase explained and watched the other man's face fall. Yeah, things were definitely getting worse. Shit.

Getting the intel from the Cerberus facility was being done faster than he had anticipated. They went in, Cortez kept him updated and he soon was flying back to the Normandy. Jase felt a small grin on his face though, Cortez was one smart man and had done a hell of flying the shuttle. The man knew his job, he couldn't have asked for anyone better. He was glad to have two incredible pilots on the Normandy.

Grissom Academy was a different story though. It had been swarmed by Cerberus troops, inside and outside. Joker giving them the needed distraction had bought them valuable time. And Jase took Edi and Garrus with him, giving Kaidan some time to rest. He wanted the man to be awake when they were about to hit the Citadel, which should be soon. Unless the plans got changed again, but even then, Jase knew he'd drop off Kaidan at the Citadel and pick him up later.

Having Jack and the kids on the Cerberus shuttle was amusing. Jack had changed and a lot, for the better. She blamed the change on Saya and him. Jase had seen it often though, the kids on the Citadel picked those things up too. Here it was just something he never had figured would happen. And yet it did, allowing Jack to have some kind of future and some kind of family. Having a family was important and, truth be told, it made him feel happy.

After the debriefing Jase stiffled a long yawn, he hadn't gotten any decent sleep since Menae and pushed himself to get things done, for Kaidan's and Saya's sake. After having another chat with Traynor and checking in with the rest of the crew Jase went to see Kaidan who was sitting in Samara's old room. The room would always remind him of her.

"We're heading to the Citadel. Wrex has been delayed for more than a day," Jase told him and stood silently, watching the stars rushing by. 

To say Kaidan was pissed was putting it mildly. He had to get out of Saya's cabin before he did something he regretted. He knew, deep in his heart, that Jase was right - that others needed their help. But he always felt like he was the one having to make the sacrifices. First he was sent away from a mission he knew he could have helped with, then he gets hit with Edi assuming control of the thing that had tried to murder his wife right in front of his eyes and Jase had seemed okay with that. It had taken all the willpower he had not to put a round or two in that body. Every time he saw it all he could think of was Saya dangling from its hand, dying.

He was just staring out the window when Jase finally came to tell him they were going to the Citadel. Kaidan couldn't even say anything to him yet. He was afraid to. He was afraid that if he started to say something he wouldn't be able to stop and he would end up alienating the one person he trusted with his life.

Jase was waiting for a reply while bathing in the quietness of the room, but the longer it took Kaidan to say something the more he knew they weren't exactly on speaking terms.

"All right, I get it. You're angry with me, but for christ's sake, talk to me!"

Kaidan turned to him, trying to keep his voice even.

"And what would you like me to say, Commander. That I'm okay with the monster who nearly killed my wife in front of my eyes running around this ship? That I'm okay with not being asked to be on your team on missions lately? That I'm..." He shook his head with a small sigh. "I guess I can't ask you to understand. Hell I'm not sure I even understand what's going on inside me right now. Other than I feel like an outsider here now - and someone who isn't sure he's actually needed here."

Jase took a step closer to him. "I want you to be awake enough for when we hit the Citadel. And that monster is gone, dead. It's been replaced by Edi." Which now occupied his seat, too. "But you're right. Maybe I've run things wrong. Maybe I've done _you_ wrong."

Kaidan turned back to the window.

"I don't *care* if it has Edi in it! All I can see when I look at it is Saya dangling from it's hand dying! Doesn't that even matter to anyone? To you?" He rested his forehead against the wall and closed his eyes. And thought about Jase's words, that *maybe* he'd done him wrong. Just a maybe. That was almost as hurtful as being sent away from a mission. "I'm sure you have more important matters to attend to Commander. I won't bother you with my problems."

Jase was watching him from behind, at first he wanted to yell at him and blurt things out but caught himself just in time. 

"It does matter to me. But we're in a war here and that thing might give us an edge to fight the Reapers. You have seen it yourself Kaidan, back on earth! Palaven, on Menae!" He moved closer to him, it was either now or they'd never really talk again. "Do you really think I don't care? After losing everything? Do you really believe that?"

Kaidan clenched his hand, knowing his biotics were starting to show as he tried to fight them and his emotions.

"Yeah. I saw it. I was in the fricking middle of it."

Jase was slowly backing off now. "Yeah, you were. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I understand it. It's just. I already lost a galaxy and I'm not going to lose another one. Or another you." Or maybe he already started it by messing it up or he would mess it up along the way.

Kaidan was trying to sort out what he was saying. He couldn't help it though and fired a biotic burst at the nearest chair then slumped against the wall in defeat and looked at Jase.

"I just wish someone on this ship would.." He trailed off and bowed his head, rubbing his temples. His anger was starting to have a harmful side effect. "I know what you've lost. I understand that. I really do. But here, in this universe, we haven't lost yet. None of us intend to. Especially not me. I have a lot to live for. But I can't be here if I feel like I'm baggage."

Jase nodded while watching the chair and the dent in the wall. But at least Kaidan finally sounded like the Kaidan he knew. "And that's exactly what I'm fighting for here, Kaidan. _Our_ future, for all those people out there. For all of them. That includes the Geth, too" He sighed and gave in. "You aren't baggage. I've been trying to protect you."

Kaidan just shook his head at him.

"I don't need protection. I can handle myself."

"I know that! I just...," Jase replied and fell silent for a while. He couldn't help himself when it came to Kaidan and Saya would have his head if anything was to happen to him.

"Just what, Jase? Please explain this to me. Tell me I'm wrong." He nearly sounded as if he were begging.

Jase didn't care if Kaidan was begging or not, he wanted to talk to him about their problems, he also didn't care that he was his Commander. He could have pulled the rank thing already several times but it just wasn't like him. Especially not with Kaidan. The man was special, even precious and most important to him.

"You are wrong. I care, a lot. Maybe too much. I care about you, my sister, everyone on this ship and out there. When you're hurting, I'm hurting." Jase went to the couch and sat down. 

"What do you want to hear Kaidan. That I'm a selfish bastard and still have feelings for you? That I find it hard to show emotions? Yes, that thing nearly killed my sister but I trust Edi. She saved our lives more than once Kaidan. And that's why I can tolerate it."

Kaidan watched him sit, his eyebrows raised when Jase admitted having feelings for him then the stuff about Edi...

"How the hell am I supposed to know she can be trusted Jase? She hasn't saved my life. She.. God I can't even *talk* to her without wanting to put a bullet in her head. I know - I know you'll say I have to work past that but I'm just not sure that's possible yet. Maybe... maybe if Saya ever gets back then I can do it because she'll be here and be okay. But going back to the other stuff you said.. somehow I've always known that you still care for me - even though I'm not really him. I'm not the Kaidan you knew and loved in your universe. In a way I wish I were so I could give you some comfort. Be able to tell you everything's going to be okay. But I can't say that and mean it. No matter how hard I wish for it."

He rubbed his eyes and sat down on the only other chair in the room that he hadn't basically destroyed. Then he looked back at Jase.

"There are only three people on this ship I can trust implicitly because I know them - and that's you, Joker and Liara. And right now all of you... I feel like all of you are pushing me away. Isolating me."

"I'm sorry I made you feel like this. It's my job to prevent it and I messed up." Granted, there were a lot of new faces on the ship, but they all were from the Alliance. "The crew isn't that bad, Traynor is a lot better than Chambers and Vega," he shrugged a little, "reminds me a little of myself."

Kaidan sighed softly, wondering if Jase would ever really understand. It wasn't really the crew he wanted to be comfortable having him here. It was Jase. He was Saya's brother and having his trust meant everything to him.

"Yeah.. look I'm sorry alright? But for me there are some things that are hard to forgive. I know Edi is a nice AI and everything but she's in the wrong body. If you get my meaning. As for us.. you and me.. Jase before we left the Citadel.. before we left Saya.. I promised her I would look out for you. And you made me break that promise on Menae."

Jase slowly looked over at him, feeling damn sorry about having made him break such a promise. Despite all of the arguing and things they have told each other he eventually smiled gently at him. "I'm glad you're here Kaidan, looking out for me and having my back. Someone I can trust blindly."

Kaidan stood up silently and helped Jase to his feet.

"Then maybe I can get off this ship more so I can try to keep that promise I made."

He rubbed his temples again.

"Dammit I haven't had one this bad in ages. I uhm.. I think I'll be in the medbay if you need me for anything." He wished Saya was with them, he could really go for the technique Jase taught her.

Jase was watching him, while he was bone tired he could still offer his help in the matter. 

"I won't make you break your promise. About your.. headache. I could, you know. Help. If you're still, uh, comfortable around me."

Kaidan smirked a little.

"I don't worry about that. I would be more worried about the after effects of your help though."

Jase gave him a knowing grin. "Yeah, and with that I _can't_ help you." Not that he wouldn't want to, but Kaidan was out of question. And nothing would change that. "But as long as it helps. There's a shower in Saya's room and it got plenty of cold water."

Kaidan nodded once and led the way to Saya's cabin then lied down on the bed with a pained groan.

"I don't remember one this bad since the day we killed Saren."

"Saren was a real pain the ass. And I had to watch you guys from the ship." Jase wouldn't forget that day. 

"Just relax Kaidan," Jase told him and began to work, starting with his feet. And Kaidan's body really was under stress, Jase could already feel it. "Relax. Imagine you're at a beach, sitting in a chair, the sun is shining and you hear the soft sound of the ocean.... And Saya is there, holding your hand." He grinned a little and continued.

Kaidan closed his eyes, doing as Jase suggested. He moaned as the massage continued.

"Don't stop," he whispered hoarsely.

"Mmh, okay." Jase didn't say more, he had given him enough mental images to work out his own ideas and just continued with his work. He heard the faint cracks of joints coming back into the right places and loosened a lot of muscles on his shoulderblades and neck.

Kaidan was breathing harder, imagining it was Saya's hands that were all over his body.

"I need... I need..."

"...some privacy," Jase completed the sentence for him and left him alone then, knowing he was feeling a lot better.

  


Irimsaya was sitting in her bed awkwardly, the implant in her back not working quite right as the doctors tried to fix it without surgically going in to do it. Her face was still badly bruised and so was the rest of her body, but she couldn't lie down anymore - well at least not until they figured out what the hell was wrong with the Cerberus crap that was in her body.

Jase heaved a heavy sigh, they finally had made it to the hospital and he stood with Kaidan in front of the shop, trying to decide what he would buy for his sister.

"Well, if you're fine with this, I'll get her some chocolate. And you go in first. I insist." Jase grinned a little at Kaidan. Meanwhile he would talk to the Doctor and sort out his own thoughts of what he still had to do. Everyone seemed to need something and it was business as usual.

Kaidan smiled and picked up the wine.

"I just hope she likes it."

Irimsaya groaned quietly as the doctor kept working on her back as she sat there. She didn't even hear the door open but after a bit realized there was a draft on her bare legs.

"In or out not both please, that's damned cold." Irimsaya said in a weak and quiet voice, still watching the floor as the doctor mumbled something about the implant.

"Mmh," came the thoughtful reply, "I could warm you." Kaidan smiled at her. It was so good to see her sitting up and awake.

Irimsaya looked up in surprise, her face still badly bruised. She smiled a little.

"Kaidan. You got my message."

"Yes." Kaidan smiled at her and went to the other side of the bed and gave her a kiss. "I'm sorry it took me so long." Kaidan showed her then the bottle of wine he had brought along. "Hope you like it." 

Irimsaya took it with a smile.

"Thanks Kaidan." She winced as the doctor lied her down as gently as he could then she turned her eyes back to her husband. "Tell me what's going on. They won't tell me anything."

Kaidan took the closest chair and dragged it closer to sit down. "Well, we're still at war with the Reapers. Dr. Chakwas sends her best and asked me to remind you to have a positive outlook, as it will help you heal. She's on the Normandy, your brother asked her back."

Irimsaya frowned a bit, watching him.

"Yeah.. positive outlook... so easy to do when we're at war." She moaned a bit and closed her eyes. "Okay.. positive... positive... have you and Jase been behaving yourselves?"

"He's the Commander of the Normandy," he told her and paused, watching her tired face. "Yes, we have, we're friends." Kaidan told her, eyebrows going all quirky on here as if she had been making a joke.

Irimsaya closed her eyes and bit her lip.

"Commander of the Normandy huh. Good... at least he has a ship and crew that he knows."

Though she couldn't help wondering if the Council just couldn't wait to get her off that ship and let someone else who had no Cerberus tech in them take over.

"You seem uptight - what aren't you telling me."

Kaidan decided not to tell her about any possible problems. "We both have received Spectre status. And we're working hard on saving the Galaxy. But don't worry, we'll keep something for you," he tried to joke a little.

Irimsaya chuckled a bit and groaned.

"Ow... don't make me laugh." She tried to get comfortable on the bed. "And don't look at me like that. I'm not an egg, I won't break or crack as easy as you might think."

Kaidan wasn't so sure about this as he had seen first hand how hard the robot hat hit her. "No, you don't, but I think it actually saved your life...." He shook himself out of it though, positive thoughts were important. "We managed to rescue students from Grissom Academy, Jase said he sent a young man there last year, his name was.. David Archer? Oh and Jack was there, teaching them."

Irimsaya smiled again.

"Jack huh. How is our old fugitive friend anyway? Yes... I remember David. I'm happy he's okay."

"She seems.. still a bit crazy, but the good sort. Had a friendly shouting match with Joker after she made her kids cover their ears."

Irimsaya swallowed a bit but smiled still.

"I'm glad to hear she hasn't changed much." She held her hand up weakly, wanting his hand in hers to make sure this was all real.

The doctor was watching then he left the room and went to Jase.

"Do me a favour when you speak to her? Ask her what she saw when she was in the coma. Whatever it was traumatized her greatly."

"Yes, of course Doctor. I will." Jase frowned at him a little wondering what this was about. Jase looked through the glass and saw them holding hands and Kaidan was full of little smiles and laughs here and there.

"Not that I don't love your company sweetie.. but did Jase come too? I wanted to see both of you..." She trailed off and closed her eyes. "I need to see you're both okay."

"Yes, he's outside waiting to see you." Kaidan said softly and kissed her cheek a little. "I don't like leaving you all alone here, but I know he wants to see you too." He carefully stood up and leaned down to give her another kiss. "I love you, Saya."

Irimsaya watched him go, a sadness in her eyes as she was alone until Jase finally arrived.

Jase smiled at her when he came inside, gave her a careful hug and kiss and sat down on Kaidan's chair. "Hey, I brought you something." He got the chocolate out of the pocket and handed it to her. "Makes you all big and strong." He paused, watching her pale and yet bruised face. He hadn't imagined to see her like this. 

"How you are doing, Saya. I mean really, not what you tell others to make them think..." he paused, "you know what I mean."

Irimsaya's face faltered a little.

"I didn't want to worry him." Her voice went quiet. "But when I was in that coma.. I saw something. Something I'm not sure I can explain. It almost felt like I was inside a reaper's head, like I knew what its plans were. And it scared the shit out of me Jase. Not to mention my back implant is slowly failing.. the doctor isn't sure he can fix it himself so he's desperately trying to locate Miranda."

Jase frowned and scratched his chin a little. "Miranda sent me a message, she wants to see me. I'll meet with her right away. But.. what were you.. dreaming? Inside a reaper's mind?" Jase moved around on his chair, wondering if this was connected or something. "I've been having some weird dreams, I heard you calling my name, over and over again."

Saya stared at him.

"I heard your voice too.. but... it was different. And Kaidan's. But what I saw... Has Palaven already been hit?"

Jase looked away and nodded. "Yes. It's bad, just like earth."

Irimsaya closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry. So very sorry." Her breath hitched a bit as a click could be heard in her back. "Do me a favour.." Her voice was pained now. "Get Miranda's ass here as fast as you can? And don't tell Kaidan!!"

"It's not our fault, we did what we could." Jase got up. "I'm on it. And don't move too much." That click sounded very scary and somehow he felt he had to hurry now. "I'll be back soon." 

Jase left the room and thought it was best if Kaidan stayed with her. "I have to meet with Miranda, she can't wait any longer. You might want to stay with Saya a little longer." Jase grinned at him a little and then took off, before Kaidan could ask him anything else. 

  


Getting to the docks seemed to take a lot longer than usual but he was glad when the door finally opened and he could hunt down Miranda. While they had their differences he was surprised to find her smiling at him and they quickly caught up with what had been going on. He was saddened to hear she had been hunted by Cerberus too, but it didn't surprise him. Then he saw his chance to ask for her help too.

"Miranda, I know we weren't best friends, but I need your help too. I'll do whatever I can to help you, but my sister has been hurt and.. an implant is failing. She needs your help."

Miranda was obviously startled.

"One of the implants was damaged? What the hell happened? She fell into another planet??"

"No, had a run in with Cerberus. It's making weird noises, clicks. Anything you can do?" He looked at her, both hope and worry on his face. 

Miranda looked worried.

"Clicks you say? It's not the spinal one is it?"

"I think it is... it's bad, isn't it." Jase rubbed his face. "Just tell me what you need."

Miranda's eyes were wide.

"I need to get to her Shepard. Quickly. But it's not that simple.. Someone's been after me too."

"I won't let them hurt you, Miranda. Come, she's down in Huerta Memorial." Jase led the way. "I owe you one."

Miranda shook her head as they walked.

"No. I owe her for saving my ass. And Oriana's. This is step one of my payback to her."

  


Irimsaya was holding Kaidan's hand tightly when Jase returned with Miranda. Kaidan jumped to his feet.

"What the hell is SHE doing here??" He said with anger in his voice.

Jase grabbed Kaidan before he could do something.. else. "Trust me Kaidan. I'll explain outside." The Doctor was already aware of Miranda's expertise and Jase dragged Kaidan outside, letting the experts talk over what needed to be done. 

"She came to help her."

Kaidan looked startled.

"Help her?? Why? What's going on?"

Jase led him away and took him outside where they could enjoy the view over the Citadel. At first he sighed softly but then he started to explain Miranda's role of bringing Saya back.

"Call it luck, but she wanted to meet me here today. She's about the only one who can help her." He looked at him, trying to see how he's taking these dire news. "Miranda's being hunted by Cerberus too, she has left them. Trust her, please."

Kaidan stared at Jase in shock.

"Is... is she dying again? Because of those implants? Jase tell me the truth! Please!"

Jase shook his head, while he was no doctor, he was sure she wouldn't die from it, but it could cause problems. "Miranda is doing what she can Kaidan. I'm no doctor, obviously. But I don't think she'll die."

Kaidan bowed his head.

"Which implant is it Jase? The one the doc was playing with on her back?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I thought I had mentioned it. It clicks..." Jase sighed heavily. "Let's hope Miranda can fix it... we don't need more problems on our hands. Especially within the family."

Kaidan started breathing hard and started to pace.

"If she can't... Saya will never walk again... or be able to have children..."

Jase watched him and shook his head. "Kaidan, stop thinking that way! Let's wait with this until we know for sure." Jase knew he might come across again as cold and uncaring, but he needed to have a clear head, for once one of them had to remain focused. It was bad enough that he had to play politics which he hated with a passion. But it was part of the job now.

Kaidan closed his eyes and tried to focus.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I guess where a Shepard is concerned I'm kind of blind."

"Hey, can't blame you. You love her. But, don't tire yourself out of it just yet. Let's deal with this one step at a time." Jase sighed once again deeply, he was also running out of time by now. The pressure was increasing with every passing minute. "Kaidan, we're close to the presidium. I have to run some errands there, as soon as you know something, call me please."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah of course. I'll let you know of any changes. Be careful okay?"

"I will." Jase sighed and decided to say a little more. "There are just so many people who want something from me...," he shook his head. "See you later Kaidan."

After taking the elevator and actually walking really fast from shop to shop to buy weapons and armor.. and fish... Jase found Liara and had a quick chat with her before he went and ordered for himself a strong cup of coffee. The day was still young and many things needed to get done. Jase then proceeded, spoke to people, gave advice, encouraged them, noted the little things people needed help with, his list was growing and growing. And then he found Joker sitting on a bench. This surprised him. But, as things currently were, it gave him the chance to have a quick chat with him.

"Joker, glad to see you made it off the ship. And Edi's here too. You two getting along well?"

"Surprisingly yeah. She considers me her very best friend apparently. I think it's just cause I'm her pilot to be honest with you. Hey, how's your sister doing?" Joker patted the bench next to him for Jase to sit down.

Jase nodded and sat down. "She's awake. But there are problems." He sighed. "I guess it only keeps getting worse. The war, the losses..." Jase had heard about Arcturus Station being destroyed, but he wasn't sure if he should bring it up. "What about us? Are we friends now?"

Joker looked at him in shock.

"What?? What did I miss some kind of signal or something? Was there a memo?? Nobody told me we weren't together anymore... you were just so busy with your kids and I had to keep Edi hidden..."

"I know, that's why I'm asking, cause it sure feels like it. Felt like it. And I know you aren't just gay or something. If there's a woman coming along one day who captures your heart... I would.. understand." Jase sighed. "And Edi has already taken half of my place anyway," he added softly.

Joker turned to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"What's *that* supposed to mean? I love *you*."

Jase nodded eventually after studying his face for a long time. "Okay. Okay, good. I just needed to know where we stand."

Joker grinned.

"Technically we're sitting." He laughs. "Look... Jase... your cabin. Tonight. Like the idea?"

"Very. And I thought it was our cabin." Jase sighed softly, closed his eyes and laid his head onto his shoulder for a moment before it was time again to hurry on. "I'm glad we got this sorted. I need to get back to work though."

Joker kisses him gently.

"I'll be around. Edi's looking after me. I figured if Cerberus was after you then they might try for me too since I was piloting their ship. And Edi makes one hell of a protector."

"Good thinking Jeff. Edi might look a little too sexy, but I really like her. Take good care of her." He stood up and smiled at him before he continued his shopping and eventually was back at the hospital, hoping for good news.

Jase took it as a good sign that the two biotics weren't engaged into a fight against each other. He approached them quickly, needing to know if she could help or not.

"Miranda, Kaidan. Any news?"

Miranda stood up and shook Jase's hand while Kaidan just sat there with his head bowed.

"I've stabilized the implant for now. But it took a lot of damage - it should probably be replaced but there's no way we can get one... unless Edi still has some Cerberus files left."

"Thanks for helping Miranda. Edi's with Jeff down at the commons if you want to talk to her. Okay, you probably don't know she found a...a body. Dr. Eva's body."

Miranda smiled.

"So the Major was telling me. That actually makes me quite proud of her. I'll go see her though and see if she can help."

"Thank you, Miranda, it means a lot to us." Jase watched her leave and he took a long good look at Kaidan. "How are you holding up?"

Kaidan raised his head and looked at Jase.

"Miranda said... she said that she wasn't sure if a new one would work as well. Saya's slipped back into a coma."

Jase put his head into his hands, allowing himself the luxury of several seconds of misery, knowing he wouldn't have time for this later. He shook his head, there hadn't even been enough time to say more, but he figured he should be glad, other people didn't have this kind of luck at all.

"Miranda knows what she's doing, she's smart. She'll figure this out."

Miranda was standing there as the two of them are talking.

"She already has. I do so love communication technology. Edi had the file I needed and sent it to me right away. I think I'll be able to fix the current implant. But we're going to need protection while I do it. If Cerberus comes and I'm in the middle of the procedure... well both of us could end up dead. They want nothing more now than too see everyone who destroyed the Collector base no longer moving."

"You have my word Miranda, no one comes through this door." And the last Jase wanted was having a shooting match with Cerberus in a hospital.

Miranda nodded, took a deep breath, then went into Irimsaya's room.

Kaidan watched her go inside then looked at Jase.

"If you need to go I'd understand. But I'm kind of hoping you'll stick around for this."

Jase gave him a quick snort, of course he had no time, but he had to stay here.

"I'm staying. Not breaking a promise I just made."

Kaidan watched him.

"I've got this. Go on, I can tell you need to be elsewhere."

Jase crossed his arms and watched the entry. "Nope. Not going anywhere. Right now this is where I'm needed."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow and allowed himself a small smile. Then he closed his eyes and concentrated, throwing a barrier up around the door.

"Just a precaution."

Jase eyed the door, he was clearly impressed. "Good thinking Major. Some things seem to get better with age, huh."

Kaidan smirked a bit.

"Speak for yourself, Commander."

Jase smirked back at him, being able to joke around a little felt really good . "We have a little bit of time here Kaidan, if there's anything else on your mind, it's now or ... later." Or never. But he hoped it would never come to this.

Kaidan sat back and watched him silently for a few minutes.

"I don't want to be on the sidelines anymore Jase. It's driving me insane since all I end up doing is thinking about her."

Jase nodded, he liked having Kaidan around after all. "You won't be Kaidan. But from time to time I need to adjust the squad to fit the mission's needs. About Menae," he sighed softly, "I sent you back because I trust you. I knew you'd do what you could on the Normandy and I had something less to worry about." 

He looked at him. "Kaidan, I never wanted to hurt you in the first place. You hadn't done me wrong, I just.. trust you."

Kaidan rubbed his eyes and threw the barrier on the door back up the second it faltered. He had been hoping Jase wouldn't mention Menae again.

"It was a kick in my gut Jase. And you made me break my promise to Saya. I mean hell yes Garrus is a tough sob and so is.." He almost choked on her name. "Edi. But keep in mind it's also good to have a mixed batch. You had no biotics with you at all. If you had, that fight would have been 50 times easier for you."

"You're right, I made a wrong call. It won't happen again. I'm sorry Kaidan, I really am."

Kaidan just fell silent. He wasn't sure what else to say to him.

"I'm not mad anymore.. if that's what you're worried about Jase. I can understand your reasoning - now. Let's just... not talk about it okay? I don't want to think about that day at all. I'd rather bury it in my memories."

He was startled when the door to Saya's room opened and he quickly lowered the barrier as Miranda stepped out, cleaning her hands.

"That was fast.." Which actually worried Kaidan.

Jase knew he wasn't going to mention it anymore, he just felt he had to apologize. After all he owned it to him. "Yes, okay." 

As soon as he saw Miranda he stood up. "Miranda."

Miranda walked over to both of them.

"It's done. Thankfully it was a smaller problem than it seemed. She's going to be just fine and she's awake."

She smiled at them.

"She's lucky to have the two of you."

"We're lucky to have you, Miranda." Jase figured she must have done more than fix her back as she was awake again. "Whenever you need help, just give me a shout, okay? You don't have to do everything on your own."

"I'll remember that Shepard. Be careful." Miranda smiled kindly then walked off.

Kaidan looked at Jase.

"Shall we?"

Irimsaya was barely awake and breathing much easier as the two men entered her room.

"Yes." Jase replied, eyes still following Miranda. "Yes, let's go see her."

While Kaidan took his place again Jase opted to stand at the other side of the bed. He saw that Saya was awake, but also very tired and had trouble to stay awake. Taking her hand gently he leaned down, to whispers into her ear, "Thane's keeping an eye on you while we're gone. Sleep and get better." He gently kissed her temple. "I'll leave you two alone now."

Irimsaya tightened her grip on Jase's hand as best she could.

"Thank you Jase." She whispered.

Thane huh, she had trouble wrapping her mind around that but she was happy he was still alive despite his disease. Saya watched as Jase left then turned her eyes to her husband.

"You kept your promise... thank you.."

Kaidan moved closer, but carefully, figuring she wasn't allowed to move a lot. "Yes, I like to keep my promises." 

Irimsaya smiled a very little bit.

"How long can you stay?"

She wouldn't admit it to anyone but she'd been scared stiff the whole time she'd wakened from the first coma. Scared that she wouldn't see him again. Scared that she wouldn't have the chance to say goodbye one last time. And now he was here she really didn't want him to leave.

Kaidan just wanted to reply when Jase's voice came over the comm.

" _Kaidan, I'm going to hit the embassies. Stay with her if you like. Meet me back at the Normandy in two hours."_

Kaidan nodded a little and looked back at Saya. "I have about two hours." 

While it was nice staying with her, he figured she'd sleep most of the time anyway. It was fine with him though, at least she was alive and would now be able to heal proberly.

Irimsaya played with his hand gently.

"Two hours... I think I can stay awake for that. So.. whatever shall we talk about."

Kaidan chuckled softly and began to talk, telling her about everything good that came to his mind. He didn't notice time flying by so far and was glad to see her eyes following him all the time, until she became too tired though and he fell silent, just watching her sleep. For the rest of the time he stayed with her.

Meanwhile, Jase spoke to Udina, Bailey and went to the Spectre terminal, authorizing a few things. He felt lucky to have his two other favourite engineers back on the ship. Since he still had some time Jase thought of his fish and hamster at his old home and went to it. With a sigh he saw that the rooms clearly had been searched and a few things were misplaced or missing. His clothes had been thrown around and he picked them up one by one, a few of them he could use as off duty clothes. 

Feeling watched again he brought up his omni-tool and checked for hidden bugs and cams and found quite a few. He growled, clearly pissed off now and destroyed all of them. But the feeling of being watched didn't go away and he narrowed his eyes when he felt a shift of air behind him. That's when something, or rather someone, decloaked behind him and Jase quickly moved aside, out of reflex, to see a black figure swirling past him, carrying a shiny long sword. Having nothing else as weapon than his omni-tool he threw the collected clothes one by one at the enemy and deployed his drone. 

However long this fight was going on he couldn't say, only that he was quickly running out of options after using every part of furniture to defend himself. The only other option was to get into the offensive but with the speed his enemy moved, he found it hard to follow him. Just when he thought he finally had him cornered, he felt the sword going dangerously close past his left side, followed by a kick to his leg from behind, causing him to fall flat onto his back and the assassin looming over him, ready to strike. But it never happened, as the guy stopped, listened, nodded once, took his sword and left. Jase quickly got up onto his feet, trying to figure out where he had gone to, but he couldn't find him. 

Looking around his rooms were now a total mess, but a few clothes were still usable and he got them, packed his fish, put the hamster into the box and left as quickly as he could.

  


Kaidan stood up slowly, looking around. Something didn't feel right and he was surprised when Thane suddenly appeared in the room with him.

"Ahhh Thane I presume?"

"Yes, it is an honour to finally meet you Major. Until Commander Shepard returns from his errands, I think it best we both remain here. It feels like something is about to happen."

Kaidan frowned but nodded agreement. The more protection Saya had, the better.

Jase hurried back, running by now and reached up to radio Kaidan.

"Kaidan, heads up. Just been attacked. Dark figure, black hair, slim and dangerously fast. Stay out of close combat range. C-Sec's been notified." 

Whatever good this would do, it was just a hunch, that they'd go for Saya next. If they were stupid enough, that is. Coming by a shop, he quickly deposited his stuff, telling the owner he'd come back for it later and sped off, hoping he was able to reach Saya just in time.

Kaidan nodded and watched his surroundings, while he felt something was amiss he couldn't say what. As the door opened and the Doctor came in he thought it was him he felt, until he saw a flicker of air close to the man, who then dropped to the ground. That's when he knew they were in trouble and fired a statis field at the black figure, but it was shrugged off easily. The only other option was a barrier over Saya's bed and he saw Thane giving the assassin a hard time by fighting him in close combat.

Irimsaya opened her eyes when the sound of the commotion woke her. She saw the black figure fighting with Thane and became alarmed. She reached over to Kaidan's belt and grabbed his pistol while his back turned to her. She sat up weakly and pulled the trigger a few times, startling her husband.

Kaidan turned around quickly and wanted her to lay back down, last they needed now was her getting more hurt again. People were already screaming and running around aimlessly outside and Jase came darting into the room, just as the glass shattered from one of Saya's shots. 

Sensing his chance of surprise and seeing a weakness in the defence of their enemy, Jase kicked out, threw an overload onto him, causing him to be stunned for a moment and saw Thane's biotics powering up, hurling the man towards the broken window and out of the room. 

Jase rushed after the dressed in black assassin, wanting him alive. He pushed the broken shards of glass aside and leaned down to see where he had landed. Just then a hand came up reaching for his throat, while he heard Kaidan and Thane's voice from behind. The face of their attacker was close enough and he punched him into the face several times, in the hope to break free. Down below him was a ledge, he could see it and that's where the guy was sitting on while trying to drag him down there now, too. 

Kaidan gently took his pistol from Saya and ran to Jase's aid. He grabbed his brother-in-law around the waist and hurled a biotic throw at the would be assassin, tossing him over the ledge.

"I've got ya Jase."

Jase watched the assassin going down and wondered where he would land, but he couldn't see him anymore at all. The guy just had vanished again. And heaven knew to where, the little weasel had some tricks ready for sure.

"Everyone all right??" Jase got up and nodded his thanks at Kaidan. His eyes then fell on the doctor who was hurt, but the nurses already got it covered.

Kaidan let Jase go and leaned against the wall.

"That was too close. For all of us."

Irimsaya was sitting up in her bed, looking pissed off.

Jase nodded, straightening out his clothes. "Yeah, bastard caught me at my apartment. He must have gotten a message and left me in the middle of the fight." His eyes fell on his sister. "Saya, you okay?"

Irimsaya was shaking a bit, whether it was from shock or adrenaline she couldn't be sure. She managed to nod to Jase that she was okay but could see from both his and Kaidan's eyes that they didn't believe her.

"I'm all right, I promise. Kinda glad I woke up when I did to be honest." 

Kaidan nodded and sat back on his chair, coming down from his own high while Jase went outside to talk with Thane and C-Sec. After some time he came back inside, they had to go now and he wanted to assure his sister they'd be fine, watch each other's backs and would be back as soon as possible.

"And don't push yourself too hard, I know how you think."

Irimsaya smiled at him.

"Me? I would never. Besides, Thane won't let me. Just.. don't get yourselves killed okay? I'd really like to see you both again."

Jase nodded and went on to explains, "I promise, it's some diplomatic.. uh... meeting with the Dalatress, Wrex and the turian Primarch." Jase then turned to Thane, thanking him again. And then he left, picking up his fish and hamster.

Kaidan leaned down and gave her a kiss again. "Message me, I'll miss you."

Irimsaya kissed him back gently.

"I'll message you every day if I can." She smiled. "Wouldn't want you to get bored after all."

Kaidan nodded at her again.

Jase was waiting at the elevator, not in the mood to go alone back to the ship now.

Kaidan jogged up to him, wiping his forehead.

"You doing okay Jase? You're still a bit pale."

Jase nodded at him, stepping into the elevator and punched the number for the docking bay. "Yeah, fine. Just.. he got me good back home. If that call hadn't come in...," he shook his head. "And the bastard went after Saya, too."

Kaidan nodded.

"That might have been what the call was about when he left you. Maybe he realized it was the wrong Shepard."

"Probably, I'm just glad you and Thane were there. Bugged my apartment, it's a mess now." He sighed and leaned onto the wall, knowing he had to let go of the apartment now too. "It's been a long hard day Kaidan, after the meeting I'll call it a day and we all will get some rest."

Kaidan patted his shoulder gently.

"We all deserve some rest Jase. Especially you."

The elevator door opened and Jase smiled a little at Kaidan before he stepped out. "Thanks, you're a good friend Kaidan."

Kaidan walked with him to their ship.

"You want me to come with you to the meeting?"

Jase considered it for a while. He sure would like to have him there but... "I honestly would feel more comfortable with you being there, but I believe it should just be me. Tell you what, after the meeting I'll come to you and fill you in. And that's a promise."

Kaidan nodded at him, understanding in his eyes.

  


Jase still was wearing his blues and was shaking his head again when he thought about the meeting with the Dalatrass, Wrex and the Primarch, as it had taken an interesting turn. 

Of course he should have seen it coming, they just wouldn't agree like this to a plan and of course Wrex would ask about the cure for the Genophage. Jase sighed deeply, he remembered Saya saving the data from Maelon on Tuchanka and knowing Mordin, he surely would want to work on this. He went to speak with the Primarch, prodding for more information on the classified mission he wanted Jase to undertake, but the turian was stubborn and refused to give him more details. And Wrex? Well, the krogan was just being his usual self. Jase contemplated on where to go next, but decided they should head to Tuchanka first as it was closer. Then he would investigate the missing scouts. 

Before he went to his cabin he made one last round on the ship, spoke to Liara, Garrus, Chakwas, James and Cortez and found out he had a mech dog wandering the hangar. It was called Sophie. Jase watched the dog with raised eyebrows and wondered which one of the two had brought it on board. But he didn't care, instead he bent down and started to play a little with it, having some fun. 

Eventually he hunted down Kaidan in Samara's room and sat down on the chair in the corner, grabbed and book and just pretended to read a little.

"I should have seen this coming, you know. Of course there's some strings attached."

Kaidan looked up from the datapad he was reading.

"There's always strings attached Jase - not once have we asked for help and not had to do something to get that help."

Jase just laughed and shook his head. "That was before the war. Now we're in the middle of it and they still WANT something and don't see that we need to work together. Don't they get it?" Jase sighed and rubbed his eyes, swallowing down the rest of the anger he felt rising. 

"We're going to Tuchanka first. I want you and James with me."

Kaidan got up and went to the personal stores he managed to pick up before they left the citadel the first time. He poured Jase a drink then handed it to him.

"You need it. As for Tuchanka - as long as you're sure you want me there then I'll be there."

Jase took it and drank half of it. "Thanks. I thought of Garrus, but he's got a lot on his plate as well. Have you heard from your parents?" Which reminded him, he hadn't heard from their own mother either and he hoped she'd be okay. Jase sighed and scratched his head.

Kaidan bit his lip and sat down again.

"I've heard from my mother. She's okay but... my dad's MIA."

Jase groaned softly and nodded. "Shit... I'm sorry Kaidan. But maybe, he's hiding someplace safe..." He paused. 

"We haven't heard from mom either," he told him while watching the liquid in his glass before he drank it and stood up. "I should go Kaidan. If there's anything, wake me." He stopped at his side before leaving. "And thanks, for being there." 

And then, he finally went up to their cabin, looking forward to some free time with Joker.

Joker was lounging on the bed when Jase finally arrived.

"Well you took your sweet-assed time getting here."

Jase took in the sight of Joker on their bed and then he studied the fish tank, it was filling up nicely now and his hamster was still alive too. Some things just had to go well and he stiffled a yawn while shrugging out of his jacket. "Yeah. Sorry it took so long. Ship and Edi running fine?"

Joker raised an eyebrow at him.

"Would I be here if they weren't? Besides... we had a date."

Jase nodded, got rid of his shoes and sat down next to him. "Yes, we have." He really needed his mind to shut up and stop thinking about anything else right now. "I'm glad you're here."

Joker smiled at him then leaned over and kissed him deeply.

"Time for you to relax."

That brought a smile onto his face and he nodded, sighing deeply. 

"Time for _us_ to relax."

  


New day, new chance to save the galaxy. 

Jase was studying his bruised chest and back in the mirror, aching all over. That bastard of assassin really had messed him up good. And in about an hour they'd hit Tuchanka and he tried to get his muscles to cooperate willingly with him. Jase sighed, got dressed and joined up with Kaidan and James in the hangar, going over the mission's details once more. Not that they really knew what they were stepping into, but it never hurt to go prepared into a fight.

Kaidan was watching Jase closely and went right to him when James boarded the shuttle.

"You're not moving very well, how bad are you hurt?"

"Bad enough to admit it hurts. Mostly bruises though," Jase answered softly.

Kaidan sighed at him.

"You should have let me take a look at them Jase." He activated a dose of medigel. "That'll help a bit."

"Uh.... thanks." He sighed in bliss when he felt the effect. "Sometimes I forget the most simple things. Besides, Jeff got golden hands. You'd be surprised," he grinned a little to lighten the mood. "Any thoughts on the mission?"

Kaidan chuckled softly.

"I'm sure he does. Shall we get this over with?"

"Yes, let's go." Jase nodded at him and they boarded the shuttle. 

  


Once they were done Jase was busy with thinking and was curious to hear Kaidan's thoughts on this before he'd go to grill Victus again and report to Hackett. A bomb on Tuchanka. When they were going to solve this problem he'd take Garrus with him this time.

Kaidan rubbed his forehead, a headache starting to form.

"A bomb? Seriously? Gods..."

"Yes, and we need to act right away. You okay Kaidan?" He was worried, they needed to disarm it right away and it would be a strain on all of them.

Kaidan nodded, rubbing his temples.

"I will be. Let's get this done."

Jase nodded and hoped he would be. 

After being done with this mission Jase was sitting in their shuttle, flying back to the Normandy and had a clear sign of being pissed off written all over his face. But the Primarch had paid a great price, his own son. 

Reports had to be done now next, but before he had to make sure Kaidan was okay. The brutes and cannibals and husks they had encountered had been brutal.

Kaidan had gone back to Saya's cabin - needing her soft bed. His whole body aching. It had been a long time since he'd gone full blown biotic like he did down there.

Jase wondered where Kaidan had disappeared to and after asking Edi, he decided to give the man some time and got cleaned up first. Then he went over and knocked on his door.

"Kaidan."

Kaidan groaned and opened his eyes then sat up on the bed.

"Yeah come in."

"Kaidan, just checking in." He walked towards him and saw how drained and tired he was. It was taking its toll on him too. "How are you doing."

Kaidan sighed softly.

"At the moment not too good to be honest. I wasn't quite expecting a fight like that. It was... hard for me."

Jase nodded at this. "Is there anything I can do?"

Kaidan shook his head no.

"Thanks for the offer though, I appreciate it. What's our next step?" As he stifled a yawn.

"Getting some much needed rest." He sighed a little. "I was taking us to investigate the missing scouts, but I got word of a few surviving fertile female krogan who are on Sur'kesh. That's our next step." Jase started to walk away but stopped. "Sleep well Kaidan. If there's anything you need, let me know. And thanks for having my back out there."

Kaidan was watching him.

"Jase, you came here for something else. What is it?"

"I enjoy talking to you, going over the last mission, getting your insight on it. I hadn't realized until recently how much I've been missing this. You and me working together."

Kaidan smiled at him.

"Well pull up a chair then and let's chat. Might help take my mind off my head."

Jase nodded and felt grateful for this opportunity and he didn't even realize how fast time was going by until Joker appeared at Kaidan's door and joined their chat for a few minutes. Jase eventually stood up and said good night to Kaidan and helped Jeff along with the few stairs. Aside of this he was really happy to be back with Jeff and that their relationship hadn't been broken off as he had feared at first. And Jeff finally seemed to accept the big bed as their bed and not just Jase's. He still had to give his report now though and Jase just did that and went back to his lover. At least something went right in the galaxy. And tomorrow, they'd rescue a few female krogan.


	3. Sur'Kesh

### Sur'Kesh

Kaidan wasn't certain at all about this Mordin who wanted to cure the genophage. He was an odd Salarian to say the least. Fighting Cerberus yet again was not on Kaidan's 'things to do' list and he was straining himself - especially when the Atlas appeared. Those things were a bitch to take down. So instead of focusing on just doing damage, Kaidan tried to keep a barrier around himself and his squadmates.

As soon as Jase saw the barrier surrounding himself and Garrus he knew what Kaidan was doing. And it meant not having to move around every few seconds as well, which bought him precious time to take out the Cerberus people while Garrus kept the Atlas occupied. Once most of them were down he focused his own fire and skill on the Atlas. The thing was very annoying and he heaved a huge sigh of relief when it finally exploded and Mordin and the female were finally secured. Too bad she was the only one left. And yet he never had imagined that a few of them actually had survived Maelon's cruel work. But it still didn't answer the question why Cerberus seemed to be involved everywhere, it just didn't make any sense to him. 

Jase holstered his weapon while Wrex, Garrus and Mordin helped the female into the shuttle and Jase turned towards Kaidan. "I thought I had seen all of your skills by now, but you still surprise me after all this time. Well done, Kaidan."

Kaidan smiled tiredly.

"Thanks Jase, it means a lot to hear you say that." He wiped the bit of blood from his nose. "Good job on those Cerberus assholes."

Jase grabbed his hand away from his nose. "Damn it Kaidan....," he said softly, "go and let Chakwas check you over." He would have given him a tissue if he had one, but he studied his face carefully for any other signs of distress. "Cerberus, I wish I knew why they seem to be everywhere we go."

Kaidan shrugged.

"They're a pimple that needs to be popped." He leaned against the wall and slid down it. "I'm just gonna sit here for a minute okay? Then I'll go to Chakwas."

Jase frowned at him and would have laughed if Kaidan hadn't been about to pass out. "Oh no, you don't." Jase reached down and hauled him onto his feet to half drag him to the shuttle. 

"Garrus!! Give me a hand!" He could have asked for Wrex but the krogan didn't really have an idea on how to handle a human in a careful way.

Garrus ran right over and gently picked Kaidan up into his arms then got him seated in the shuttle and strapped in.

"I'm okay... I'm okay..." Kaidan mumbled. "Just dizzy..."

"Yeah, right." Jase wasn't going to buy it and eyed Kaidan before he went to Cortez, wondering if Wrex had given the man any problems and he wanted to let Chakwas know about Kaidan. He wasn't going to take any chances today.

Chakwas was indeed waiting for them when the shuttle landed and she went right in to Kaidan who was now barely conscious.

"What happened Commander?" As she gently checked over their first officer.

"Went all out with his biotics. Nosebleed, dizziness." Jase went after her while Mordin and the female followed him. A small part of him was glad to have Mordin back on the Normandy too. In case two doctors were needed. But he hoped it wouldn't come to this at all.

Kaidan was barely aware as they lied him down on a bed and Chakwas started examing him while Jase helped peel off his armour.

"I'm okay," he mumbled. "Really... I am. I've been worse off."

"Hmm he's a biotic? Interesting. Human. L3. No no. Not enough damage done... L2 then. Unstable implant, impressive he was able to do so much. Will help where I can." Mordin rattled off quickly.

Before they would throw him out of the med bay Jase left more or less willingly and stood outside instead, watching them work on Kaidan through the window. At this very moment he remembered that he might not be able to ensure the safety of everyone on this ship.

Mordin looked at Chakwas.

"Unsure of what you can do for him. Implant problematic - always will be. Can create something to help focus it's power. Anything is possible. Could try if you wish, but would take time. Do not have that time but you decide."

Kaidan batted their hands away.

"Enough. I'm fine, I just need rest."

"Nononono you are not fine. Bloody nose. Humans bleeding not good. Should listen to me. Yes, indeed. Trying to help."

"Mordin.. I've had this all my life, I've dealt with this all my life - I'll be fine."

"Hmm... Not wisest course. Your decision."

"Thank you." Kaidan looked relieved, he really didn't want them going into his head.

Jase was still watching like a hawk, wondering what was going on, the situation seemed to be more and more relaxed and when Kaidan slowly sat up he went to the door, waiting for him and the Doctors.

Mordin came out first mumbling under his breath.

"Humans always stubborn. Never listen to doctors. They really should."

Chakwas watched Mordin go, amusement on her face but still worry in her eyes for Kaidan.

Jase watched him leave and nearly said that he was listening but then he looked at Dr. Chakwas. "Doctor. How is Kaidan?"

"Besides being stubborn and ignoring his doctors? Hopefully he'll be okay but I am quite concerned. I have never seen him that bad. Go and see him if you like, Commander."

"Thank you Dr. Chakwas." Which basically meant not fit for duty for the next mission. But it was kind of alright, Jase figured he should take Liara and James with him when they were going to look for those missing krogan scouts.

The door closed behind him and the med bay greeted him with a blissful silence. Kaidan was half sitting on his bed and Jase walked up to him to lay his hand onto his shoulder. For a second his inner eye saw Kaidan leaning back and into him, just needing someone to lean onto for silent support. He wished Saya would be here.

"Hey Kaidan."

Kaidan smiled a little bit, through obvious pain.

"Hey Jase." He closed his eyes, trying to make the room stop spinning around him. "Chakwas says I have to stay on board for awhile to rest. I'm sorry. I overdid myself down there."

"That's the understatement of the week. I'm just glad.. you are doing ok, so far." Jase sighed softly and moved a little to see him better. "Liara and James are with me on the next mission. Then, depending on how fast Mordin comes up with a cure, we'll hit Tuchanka again. Maybe before Tuchanka we have a little time to visit your wife on the Citadel." Jase paused, watching him. "You must be missing her like crazy."

Kaidan smiled ruefully.

"You know me too well Jase. I miss having her near me, smelling her perfume, holding her. Just do me a favour and be careful down there alright? Liara's good - but just be careful."

Jase grinned a little at him. "I'll be, cause if I'm not I know I'll get a kick up my squad from you. Anyway," he leaned forward, resting his hands on the bed, "you get back onto your feet while I worry about the rachni and the krogan."

Kaidan laid back down on the bed.

"Alright. Comms me if you need any advice okay? I can at least do that much."

"I will. Sleep Kaidan. And get better." 

  


Jase knew he still had to wrap up everything and had to talk to several people before he could finally have some time off. By now he was getting used to it again and it was also thanks to Kaidan's presence that he found it easier with each passing day. The only things that always bothered him though were the many dead and colonies vanishing left and right. At some point he just wished he could snap with his fingers and everything would be over, billions of lives saved. Wishful thinking. And he needed to forget about these kind of thoughts, they only were dragging him down.

  


Having Joker up in his cabin every evening and actually being able to get some close body contact while asleep gave Jase the sense of inner hope and luck. Something had changed, usually he hadn't been the type of guy who liked cuddling in bed, normally he had preferred to stay away from anyone over the night, even Kaidan. Now he liked waking up with either Jeff's arm draped around his waist and spooned up behind him, or Jeff was lying in his arm, or he was waking up with Jeff's arms carefully wrapped around his head. Maybe it was the war, or maybe something else. He wasn't going to question it.

The next morning came all too soon again and the mission had been a go. They found the krogan and Jase felt a rush of joy when it was Grunt. After they had dealt with the queen, he had let her go again, and Grunt had given them the chance to flee from the caves Jase had truly believed his beloved krogan friend had died. The feeling had been devastating and then, he should have known better, Grunt crawled out of that forsaken hole, looking bloody and beaten but, and that was most important, was alive.

"Jeff, Mordin's still busy, set a course to the Citadel."

Jase said while slowly walking back to the medbay, hoping Kaidan wouldn't be around, because quite frankly, falling down into that pit had hurt. While the medigel had helped and his armour had provided him with some stability, his back sent out needles of pain. If it had been Saya, healthy, he was sure she wouldn't have had any problems. But he didn't have her upgrades. Perhaps he should save up, ask Miranda, and finally get some himself. Was clearly needed in this war.

Chakwas looked up from her work as Jase entered and she sighed.

"What is it with you Shepards and liking to get yourselves hurt? Sit down Commander, let's get you patched up. Oh and Major Alenko is fit for duty now - he got plenty of rest while you were down there."

She was almost finished when Joker came over the comms.

"Commander? I'm not getting any response from the Citadel for landing procedures. It's like nobody's there."


	4. Cerberus Coup

Jase was still gritting his teeth from her setting his spine right, he hadn't thought the fall would cause one of the joints to dislocate, but it explained a few things. His ears perked up at Joker's reply and he knew something was NOT right instantly.

"Try to find out what's going on Jeff. Have Edi take a scan and let her and Traynor monitor every single frequency." He was getting pissed off now. First the attacks, and now no response from the Citadel? Things were fishy at best.

Joker raised an eyebrow but nodded to himself. He listened as Edi have a running commentary then she stopped and commend Jase.

_"Commander, I believe it is Cerberus."_

Jase hopped off the bed and left the medbay. "What the hell are they up to this time?" Jase muttered annoyed. He was going to call out the team to meet at the shuttle when Mordin joined up with him, checking his pistol. Jase raised his eyebrows at him and instantly knew what the salarian was thinking. "You itching for a fight against Cerberus?"

"Yes. Cerberus worse than scale itch. Must join you."

"Glad to have you on the team Mordin."

Jase met up with the crew and assigned Garrus as the team leader of James and Liara, as they were forming their second team. He himself was taking Kaidan and Mordin along. He wanted them to split up and work their way around from the other side, in the hope to reach Saya. Every little update he got from Edi had him more and more worried.

"Traynor, join Joker in the cockpit, any updates are appreciated."

Kaidan walked with Jase to the shuttle.

"I'm coming with you."

"That was the plan Kaidan. We're going with Mordin. He makes a good soldier." 

And then they took off in the shuttle.

As soon as Saya realized what was happening she got into her armour as fast as she could and raced to the Council. They had to be saved.

  


To say that Jase as angry was a pure understatement. The assassin really started to piss him off by now and the bastard had just stabbed Thane. Luckily for them Garrus, James and Liara had just shown up as well and he could leave Mordin with Thane, while he took James along. Garrus at least could give C-Sec a helping hand too and Liara would be a good help for Mordin. Now he could focus on rescuing the sorry arses of the Council again. For a moment he wondered what good it would do actually. Of course it came down to playing politics again and somehow he was starting to become good with this.

The elevator ride was something new and he actually even enjoyed it. Especially when they could shoot down those pesky Cerberus people. Sometimes crazy was just good enough for him and he wondered what James would have to say after the mission. That was until someone started to shoot at his feet through the elevator roof causing him to jump and roll aside. Jase saw Kaidan doing the same. Once the firing stopped James opened the hatch for them and the three men jumped down. Jase led them to the door. As soon as it opened he cast a surprised glance at Kaidan and looked back into his sister's eyes. He had been expecting Cerberus but **not** her. Things didn't end up, unless she was back working with them. But, no. This couldn't be.

"Saya?!?" He was confused, eyes darting between her, Udina and the other two Council members. "What the hell is going on here!"

"You tell me." There was anger and uncertainty in her eyes as Udina was looking at the destroyed shuttle. She kept her weapon trained on them.

"We're going to have to use the elevator, Shepard!" Udina yelled at her.

"Just... wait a minute Councilor. Jase.. what is going on here." 

Kaidan glanced at Jase then slowly put his hand on his weapon and lowered Jase's arm gently, lowering his own at the same time.

"Saya, Cerberus is right behind us in those elevators. You take them in there and you're all as good as dead."

"Don't believe them Shepard! They set this whole thing up!" Udina cried out. "The elevator is our only chance to escape now!"

Irimsaya was frowning, keeping her weapon trained at her brother and husband.

Tense was the only word Jase would use to describe the situation and totally wrong. Saya and them pointing guns at each other, this was insane. Kaidan was right when he started to lower his weapon, pointing guns wasn't going to help and Jase lowered his completely, showing a slightly less aggressive stance.

"The Citadel has been attacked by Cerberus. Udina's with them." Jase said, watching Udina like a hawk. He hadn't thought it possible at first, since the man had seemed to have finally come around. "The salarian Councilor is alive. We saved him. Udina wants the Council dead."

Irimsaya blinked in shock. Why would he tell her this unless it was true. But.. Udina. Confusion showed in her eyes but she slowly lowered her weapon.

"I better not regret this."

"You won't."

Jase was glad about this, last thing on his mind was having to shoot his sister, but he knew he wouldn't be able to do this. Now the two remaining Council members were confused as well and much to his surprise they both spoke up about trusting both Shepards and not doing the mistakes again of not listening to them. 

When the asari moved and Kaidan followed him a little Jase kept his eyes on him and was surprised to see Udina pulling out a gun after pushing the asari down. Jase felt like he had no choice but to shoot. And yet it wasn't his gun that fired.

Irimsaya slowly lowered her still smoking weapon, a look of grief on her face. It was the first time she had ever killed someone like that. Someone who wasn't fighting her.

Jase sighed and shook his head while Kaidan stood at Saya's side now. This really had been shocking Jase to the core. 

"You know, I'm actually glad to see you, but we better not wave our guns into each others face again," Jase said while watching James checking over Udina. When the elevator behind them was being forcefully opened Jase was ready to face another fight, but luckily it was only Bailey and his men.

Irimsaya sighed softly when Bailey and his men appeared from the elevator and took over the scene. She hadn't liked putting her weapon in Kaidan's and Jase's faces. It had felt so wrong. And it wasn't something she would easily forget.

Jase shook his head and leaned onto the railing, watching the going ons below. The Citadel was pretty much messed up. Smoke was rising from many places, people were still screaming occasionally and he was sure their assassin was somewhere too. He radioed Joker and Traynor then, while Kaidan and Saya were talking behind him.

Kaidan went to her and touched her arm.

Irimsaya looked at him.

"I never, ever, want to be in a stand off with you again. Pointing my pistol at you... It was wrong. It felt so wrong."

"Yes. And it was wrong. But, I could have protected myself, with a barrier." Kaidan smiled a little. "But it's over now and we're fine. It's so good to see you again, in your armor and healthy." He held out his hand for her to take it.

Irimsaya gently took his hand and smiled.

"Well it's nice to be on my feet again that's for sure. I *am* glad you guys showed up when you did. If you hadn't...."

Kaidan took her into his arms while Jase turned around, having heard from Thane and walked over to the two of them. "I wouldn't have shot you either and Udina probably would have taken all of you to his apartment, which is, by the way, kind of hard to break into."

Irimsaya hugged Kaidan tightly then looked at Jase in shock.

"It would have been like shooting fish in a barrel..."

"Indeed, add the waiting Cerberus troops... Anyway. Thane's in hospital." Jase looked sad. "It doesn't look good for him. We might want to go and.. say our good bye."

Irimsaya bowed her head and closed her eyes.

"Damn it! Damn it to hell and back again! He.. he protected me so hard when you guys were gone. He examined everything anyone wanted to do to me. He... DAMN IT!"

Jase sighed, he knew how she felt. "He took on that assassin, Thane nearly got him. He's down at Huerta's." Jase rubbed his face and nodded at James, they were ready to leave. "Come on Saya. Let's go," he said softly.

Irimsaya let Kaidan put his arm around her shoulders and gently steer her to the elevator. She was still in shock over the news about Thane.

Jase leaned onto the elevator's wall and crossed his arms just to keep his hands still while studying the floor. Once they arrived in the hospital it didn't take them long to find Thane and Kolyat. They spoke softly to Thane and Jase more than readily agreed to read the prayer with Kolyat and Saya. It reminded him of the time when Thane was still on board and telling him about his homeworld and believes. 

And then Thane fell silent and still. Jase knew it was over and went to close his eyes gently. He still couldn't believe it though, despite seeing the dead drell in front of him. It came all too soon and sudden, and yet it was heroic. What had Thane said to him? He should not grieve for him. A promise easily given but hard to keep.

When he turned around he saw Kaidan hugging Saya while she was hiding her face in his chest and then Jase asked Kolyat about the prayer, because he didn't really understand why he had chosen this one. The answer nearly threw him off his feet, it had been meant for them. Jase turned and stared at Thane's lifeless but peaceful face. He had no intention of dying, but... the chances were high he wouldn't survive this.

Saya pulled away from Kaidan gently and turned to Jase after wiping her eyes.

"Permission to rejoin the Normandy crew, Commander? I want to make Thane's life count for something."

Jase leaned down and gave her a hug, knowing Thane gave his life for their own safety and for the salarian councilor. "Permission granted, welcome aboard the Normandy."

Irimsaya hugged him back then smiled ruefully.

"Guess I have to get used to taking orders now huh? And you know... I don't think I mind."

Jase raised his eyebrows at her while slowly leading the way out after saying good bye to Kolyat. "I remember someone telling me a few years ago... we are equals, both Commanders and N7."

"I guess I did say that didn't I. Hard to believe it was *years* ago." Saya shook her head a bit, then grabbed Kaidan's arm and wrapped it around her waist. "But I have some catching up to do so I'll let you steer the mission."

The subtle movement of Kaidan's arm didn't go unnoticed and Jase had a smug grin on his face. "Your cabin does look empty with only Kaidan in it, by the way."

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows at that and smirked.

"So you guys missed me so much you both took to liking my cabin? Interesting..."

Jase shrugged and grinned at Kaidan before he replied. "We kind of took a liking to your couch, actually." He broke off and turned around, watching them while walking backwards. "You guys go ahead to the Normandy. Aria wants to propose marriage to me and I've got some .. important items to deliver to some people. Less clutter in the hangar. James will be pleased."

Irimsaya laughed at that then watched him jog off. She looked at Kaidan.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Your brother is right, the cabin felt empty without you. Why don't I give you a tour of the ship? I hadn't had the chance yet," he winked at her.

Irimsaya turned to him and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

"I'd settle for a tour of my cabin..."

"Mmmhmmm.. you've just gained your personal tour gide."

Irimsaya kissed him gently.

"Good... I like personal tour guides, they're so much more amenable to suggestions..."

Kaidan chuckled at this. "And.. what would you possibly suggest, aside of a tour of your cabin.. Wait. I think I know." He looked thoughtful. "You probably want to see if your bed is still as soft as it used to be..." He took her hand to lead her "home".

After giving quite a few handshakes and receiving several welcome back hugs from her crew she and Kaidan finally arrived at their destination.

Irimsaya looked around her cabin as they entered and she smiled when she saw it was the same as the last time she saw it.

"And here I thought you'd have it turned into a man's den..." Saya turned as the door closed and pulled him close.

"And what does a man's den look like, my lady?" Kaidan gave her a quick laugh before inhaling her scent deeply. "It's been so long, too long. I nearly feared I'd never get you back."

"Hmmm liquor hidden everywhere... new paint job... some different pictures..." Saya kissed his neck gently. "And you should know by now that I'm not that easy to get rid of..."

Kaidan was getting goosebumps with this treatment, he closed his eyes and hissed a little. 

"Uh.. well, we're out of liquor.." 

Everything else forgotten, he picked her up and low and behold, she was indeed heavier than what he remembered, but had still the same figure. He carried her down to the bed and placed her onto it. "Good, because I really plan to grow old with you," he said while crawling up to meet her face again for a kiss, figuring they had some time for each other now.

Irimsaya traced his face with her hand as he pulled back from the kiss.

"Something happened didn't it. With your biotics. There's something different about you."

Kaidan was watching her, what a way to kill his mood, making him think of what they already had seen.

"Saya, there's a war out there and I'm doing what I've been trained for. I've been using my biotics more than usual, especially against Cerberus, they seem to be everywhere we go."

Irimsaya pulls away and sits up with a frown.

"I was concerned about you not about what is going on. There was a bit of pain in your eyes - that's what I was worried about for pete's sake."

Kaidan groaned inwardly and thought it was time to confess, he told her about how they got the female krogan off Sur'Kesh. Sometimes he wished she wasn't that observant. But he should have known better as he couldn't hide anything from the siblings.

Irimsaya lied back down next to him.

"Oh love, why didn't you tell me before," she whispered and gently caressed his face.

Kaidan just hoped she wouldn't grill him for the rest, like Menae. And he had the feeling Jase wouldn't tell her as well. Instead he smiled a little as he loved being pampered. But, he really had other ideas now and honestly wasn't in the mood to spill his guts about past missions. He quickly moved, tackled Saya onto the bed and kissed her senseless. Time was precious, he didn't want to waste any other second as he had no idea when they'd leave again for Tuchanka.

Irimsaya lost herself in Kaidan as soon as he tackled her and she felt his biotics tickling her bare skin. She sighed in his arms afterwards and snuggled as close as she could to him.

Kaidan was in heaven, finally after this long time she was here, lying in his arms in their bed and cabin. 

Finally. 

Jase was busy on the Citadel, dropping off messages, telling people where to pick up the stuff he had found while being out touring the galaxy, had found Zaeed and Kelly. He was surprised to see her in such a bad state of mental health, but he figured that being captured alive by the Collectors and stored away in such a pod could do this to a human being. 

James was playing poker and Jase wished he could join him but there was no time at all. Talking with Aria and getting actually her mercs had been a surprise. But he hadn't released the asari lunatic from the cell, instead he went and told her 2nd in command to take over. The salarian was more to his taste anyway. And there wasn't even one second of doubt if he should kill the turian admiral or not. Saya had helped the turian two years ago, killing him was out of question. 

After talking to the weapon merchant he knew he had been lucky. The salarian wanted something he already had stored away on the Normandy. Jase took off to retrieve it. That's when he saw Steve standing at the docking bay watching the Citadel and the ships flying by. The man had to deal with the loss of his husband and Jase shared the feelings of loss, but he hadn't told him at all. Now, having a few more minutes of time, he knew he'd join him and just talk for a minute or two. He was more than surprised when Steve joined him to go back to the Normandy, saying he needed to pick something up and asked him if he'd join him in the holding area in about half an hour. Not knowing what this was about, but caring for his crew, Jase readily agreed.

What he had experienced had left him puzzled. Not because Steve was ready to move on but that Steve actually had said he was giving him strength to get over this _and_ to move on. He had clapped his shoulder, smiled and had left. Their shuttle pilot was a lot stronger than he himself was. Unfortunately he couldn't tell him that. But the man's ability to let go of his lost husband definitely gave him something to think about. 

And yet something else happened and it took him by surprise. Jase couldn't wait to get back to Joker, suddenly he started to miss him terribly and the urge to buy him something important hit him. He wanted something like the cap he had stolen from Joker, but it wasn't good enough. Something.. important. Like a ring. But a ring wasn't what he had in mind. His frown deepened as he tried to think of something. Then he knew what he'd get. His own hoodie he'd been wearing all this time, if Joker would wear it? Only one way to find out. Jase went back to the Normandy and got it from his cabin before he finished with playing delivery boy.

  


"Jeff, want to have dinner with me on the Citadel?" Jase said into his comm, after dropping off the weapon at the salarian and giving the good news to the turian. He just had to speak to Aria now, but this could wait a little.

Jeff had a wide grin on his face as he received that message.

_"Well now Jase I think I can definitely arrange to meet you for that."_

Jase laughed a little at this. "I could order you to. You want to get changed first?"

Joker was already on the way to his gear and was looking for something more... informal. Once he found it he got changed as fast as he could then made his way to the Presidium, looking around for Jase.

  


Jase was just done talking to Barla Von and turned around when he saw Jeff. He paused his steps, taking in the sight and the word sexy came to his mind before he took a few long strides to greet him. He himself was running around in his black jeans and black leather jacket. Since the run ins with their assassin he wondered if he should stop wearing so much black. But the t-shirt was at least an ordinary light blue.

"Glad you could make it." Jase smiled at him, eying him once more while adjusting the bag he carried over his shoulder. "You look... good," he grinned. The pants and the shirt Joker had picked went well with his light skin tone and for once he wasn't wearing his hat. Which was a first, actually. 

"I like what you have done with your hair," he commented, nearly wanting to ruffle it but kept his hands in check. Then he offered him his arm to lead him to the restaurant where he had secured them a table.

Joker ran a hand through his hair and shrugged.

"I keep forgetting to get it cut actually but thanks for the compliment." He grinned and took Jase's arm. "So where we goin?"

Jase chuckled softly. "It looks good." After this mess was over and he was still alive, he had to hope, then he'd have his hair grow a little out too. "To the restaurant with the nice view of the Citadel." Jase carefully led him down the stairs and noticed that Joker had again improved with his health. The limp wasn't as bad as before. "Doc put you on new meds?"

Joker nodded.

"Yup, they do wonders too. I've never been able to move so freely."

That made Jase happy, but he knew Joker would never be able to handle the battle field like him. It made him feel more comfortable though, knowing he'd stay on the ship. Jase then ordered their food and a bottle of wine and was watching his mate, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it right. He reached over and took his hand while in the background, Liara and her father finally spoke to each other. Another little accomplishment he had managed on this day. At first he wanted to apologize for thinking they had broken up, but he figured it would ruin the mood.

"Jeff, I wanted to thank you for being there for me all this time. Having you in my life makes me happy."

Joker actually blushed and that never happened.

"I feel the same way Jase. I can't imagine my life without you to be honest.

Jase grinned a little at the blush, it was kind of.. cute. He leaned down to retrieve the bag. "I wanted you to have this." He placed the bag on front of him, hoodie neatly placed inside and scratched his head a little. "I could have gotten us rings, but..."

Joker grinned when he saw what it was.

"This is your favourite.. who the hell needs rings? Are you sure you want to part with it??"

Jase snorted a little, what a question. "Of course, it's yours now." He grinned sheepishly. "Would look good on you, only wearing this."

Joker touched it carefully then put the bag next to his chair.

"This means a lot Jase... thank you so much."

"It was meant as such, giving you a part.. of myself." Mentally he could slap himself, he was forcing others to act and say things, got them out of their shell and was pretty much convincing. But here he was being stupid, even shy to admit feelings.

"Jeff. I love you, a lot. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Joker paused, he'd been about to take a sip of his wine. He just put the pieces together.

"Wait... are you saying you want to marry me??"

"Uh.. something.. like this." The thought hadn't crossed his mind though, he always thought that would be something for people like Saya and Kaidan. But Steve had married Robert. 

"Would you like to..?"

Joker was staring at him in shock.

"Would I like to? Would I?? HELL YES!"

It was funny watching Joker's face going from realizing the question over to thinking about it and eventually actually agreeing to it. While it hadn't been what he had in mind, something like committing himself to Joker had been the goal, the idea of actually getting married was appealing suddenly. Jase grinned. It was appealing in more than a way. He would be off the market and known as a married man.

Jase took his glass of wine and raised it, smiling at him. "To us, my soon to be.. husband." And wow, saying the word just about sounded very right, unusual, but right.

Joker raised his glass and gently tapped it against Jase's.

"To us... my future husband."

Jase grinned at him, feeling very content. 

Later that evening, he checked in with Mordin to see how the cure was going and was told it still took a little bit of time. Since so far everything was done he ordered the Normandy en route to find Barla Von's missing people. Having Edi in the cockpit was very useful now, since she could take over Joker's shift. 

There were still many reports to fill and Jase sat at his desk, grinning from time to time when he caught a glimpse of Joker, parading around in their cabin, wearing the hoodie. But his mood was somber while reading the reports of colonies which had gone dark and the death numbers just kept rising and rising. He was wondering if he was missing something, somewhere, any kind of information he could pass on to the Alliance to help against the Reapers. Just.. anything. He looked up from his desk when there was a knock at their door and he called the person in.

Irimsaya poked her head in.

"Hey... you have time for your sister?"

"Of course, come on in, have a seat." He eyed her with a grin. "Good to have you back."

Irimsaya entered his cabin and sat down across from him in the other chair.

"It's really good to be back. Being confined to a hospital bed is really hard for a soldier." She grinned. "I hear you're having a bit of luck though... with Joker?"

Jase moved his chair away from the paperwork on his desk so he could focus entirely on his sister. He rose an eyebrow at her and stole a glance towards Joker who was sitting on their bed. "Good news spread fast, huh." He grinned then even more and looked down a little. "Yes."

Joker was grinning from ear to ear, watching his future sister-in-law.

"Wipe that grin off your face Joker, we're not related - yet." Saya laughed lightly. "I'm really happy for you two."

Jase snorted at Saya's words towards Joker, he could already hear the never ending teasing between those two. "Just wait. And thanks," he sat back. "All right, what can I do for you."

Irimsaya watched him.

"To be honest? Just wanted your company. Kaidan had to go check on a few things and I was getting lonely."

Jase nodded and got up. When Kaidan was checking things he knew he didn't have to do it. It also meant less work for him. "The couch is a lot more comfortable. Why don't you tell him to join us, once he's done?"

Irimsaya smiled at him then sent the message to Kaidan and joined Jase on the couch.

"How's command been working out for you Jase? Everyone on the ship listening to you?"

Once Joker sat down next to him, Jase laid his arm around his shoulder. "They're all fine people and working together with me. I had some problems to adjust to it." It had felt like being thrown into a pond of cold water. "Kaidan's been a great help. And this guy here." Jase chuckled, nudging Joker a little.

Joker laughed.

"Me? Nah, I like making things hard for people..." He let the innuendo sink into Jase's mind.

Irimsaya was already howling with laughter.

Jase gave him a mocking friendly glare. "Uh-huh... you know I like it hard. That's why we're a match." 

He was just watching Saya then, she was very amusing. He let her settle down a little before he continued. 

"Traynor is a good addition to the crew, she and Edi came up with some incredible ideas already."

Irimsaya wiped the laugh tears from her eyes.

"Good, I'm glad she's working out. And I'm glad Edi's behaving herself. Was a bit worried about the whole unshackled AI thing to be honest."

"Edi's trying to learn about love right now. I noticed Traynor mentioning how sexy Edi's voice is and I've seen them talking a few times." Jase looked at Joker. "What do you think, I trust Edi. I know she won't let us down."

Joker shrugged as he listened to the question.

"She saved my ass when I unshackled her. I trust her with my life. And I know she would never do anything to endanger us. She's become a member of the family and I know for a fact she wouldn't want to disappoint either of you two. Edi values you both like a child looks to her mother and father."

Irimsaya raised her eyebrows in surprise but nodded. It kind of made sense. She didn't have time to respond when there was a knock at the door to Jase's cabin.

"Come on in, Kaidan!" Jase knew it would be him and got up, walking over to his little bar. "Have a seat Kaidan, we were just discussing Edi." Jase poured each of them a drink and handed them the glasses one by one and sat down next to Joker again. It was more than nice, they never had been doing this on the old Normandy, there just hadn't been enough room nor time. And now they were sitting here together, the two pairs of them. An image flashed in front of his inner yes, them sitting around a campfire, grilling some food in the open fire and having a good time.

"What do you think about Edi now, Kaidan." He was curious to see what Kaidan's thoughts were now, since he was still somewhat of an outsider in this particular topic. 

Kaidan's eyes hardened a little as he sipped at his drink.

"Same as before. The AI is a nice enough but everytime I see that body of hers I want to shoot it."

Irimsaya looked at him then Jase in confusion.

"What body?"

Jase leaned back and thought about how he should bring these news carefully over. "Dr. Eva's dead body. Edi took it over." He watched her reaction. 

"Now, before you say something. Yes. We're all aware of the risks. Try to see the big picture. I had Edi on missions with me already. She's been very useful and even skilled in combat. But she can't exist without the Normandy. She has to stay in range." He got up and refilled their glasses. "Edi's learning and curious about human nature. She wants to understand us."

Irimsaya rubbed her eyes as she processed everything Jase was saying.

"So in a way Joker's right... she's like a child learning right from wrong."

"Yes. I understand Kaidan's concern. He's got every right to feel upset." He smiled a little at him, giving him that kind of room and understanding. But he had to put his feelings aside for the sake of the crew and perhaps the galaxy at that time. 

"Hell, I didn't feel comfortable either when she stood in front of me. But sometimes things have to happen. Maybe that was one of those, too. Like my being here. Maybe we'll win this war." He paused. "Anyway, Edi has questions, about love, relationships and adjusted her programming two times." Jase looked at his pilot. "I don't know Jeff, was there anything else? You spend a lot more time with her than I do."

Joker made a bit of a face.

"Yeah... she's been hitting on me - or trying to. Told her I was already spoken for well that raised the game of 100 questions. I think I got her off the topic at least and she understands I'm not interested."

Irimsaya just shook her head a bit.

"As long as we don't have a lovesick AI then I'm happy."

Jase watched him and then chuckled. "I knew there was something going. I agree." Jase then looked at Kaidan again, he felt it was important to include the man to have him say his piece of mind.

"Kaidan, what's your opinion. I know you don't like actually seeing her, but aside of this. What do you think? Would it be too risky to allow an AI to .. grow and learn and become something more than just a tool to be used?" The last question was Jase more or less thinking aloud as well. And yet he felt Edi should have joined the discussion, as it was about her future.

Kaidan swallowed the mouthful of liquor he had in his mouth and his arm went around Saya's shoulders.

"I think she deserves the chance to grow up, yes."

Irimsaya smiled at that and at him.

"Sounds like you're starting to like her Kaidan."

"Edi yes, her body no. But now that you're here that will help me get past that."

"Good, building her another body would be hell," Saya grinned.

Jase chuckled and raised his glass a little to drink and muttered, "Don't think we should ask Cerberus for help." Which gave him a thought. "Jeff, how much of the data we collected in the last year has been forwarded to the Alliance? Including Edi's knowledge?"

Joker scratched his head.

"Most of it I think, except for them knowing she's actually an AI and not a VI."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at that then frowned a little bit.

"Excuse me please." She went and used Jase's restroom.

Jase nodded and sat silent in thought, wondering if the Alliance would accept such an VI like Edi into their systems. He came to the conclusion that they probably wouldn't and having a hundreds of Edi's at their hands... he scratched his head. It would give every cruiser and ship which could have the room and power an advantage. On the other hand, if he told them about Edi and they insisted on shutting her down, no. This wasn't an option. Too bad, they all had seen how it turned out with the geth.

Jase looked up at Saya when she came back and saw Kaidan giving her helping hand. "Anything else we need to discuss, questions, thoughts, suggestions?"

Saya sat down slowly and looked thoughtful.

"I can't think of anything off-hand. Though to be honest I think perhaps I may have had too much to drink..."

Kaidan wondered what kind of alcohol Jase had poured her and was watching her.

"Okay," Jase said, "you're not feeling well."

Saya had one hand on her stomach and nodded a bit. She was quite aware that all eyes in the room were on her now.

Kaidan laid his hand onto her back. "I think we should say good night."

Jase stood up and nodded, "Yeah, get better sis."

Saya looked a bit annoyed but it was only with herself. She had been fine until she and Kaidan had... reunited. This made her pause as the pair of them re-entered her cabin.

"What's going on, have you eaten something wrong? Come on my love, you should get some rest."

"Kaidan...I think we may have something unexpected going on here."

Kaidan frowned at her. The whole situation they were in was kind of unexpected.

"What do you mean with unexpected? That you are back on the Normandy? Edi? Jase having Command? Or.. someone tried to poison you?"

Saya shook her head a bit, her hand still on her stomach.

"I think...maybe... I might be..well..."

"You might be....?" he paused. "Oh. Oh! You mean.. feeling sick.. unexpected. You mean we're having.. a baby? Is that what you..?"

"I'm not 100% sure.. but the symptoms... The timing... I think it's a very strong possibility."

Kaidan didn't want to get his hopes up just yet but. So many buts. Reapers, war, dead people everywhere. And yet he felt, if it was true, an incredible joy already only he didn't know how to feel about it in general with the war and everything. 

"Why don't we go to Dr. Chakwas first thing in the morning and let her see if it's true?"

Irimsaya put a hand on his face, seeing the conflict in his eyes.

"You... you're not ready are you...?"

Kaidan shook his head, that wasn't the point at all. "I AM ready, but.. what if something happens.. to you? To both of you?" If she was having their baby he wouldn't want her to go and shoot at things at all.

Irimsaya kept her hand on his face.

"If it's true..." Her words were soft. "Then I'll stay on the Normandy and let Jase handle any ground missions. I promise you that."

Kaidan nodded at this. "Please, because I couldn't handle losing you again and especially not losing our child. It would.. destroy me."

Irimsaya leaned up and kissed him gently.

"I won't let that happen. Believe me when I say that."

Kaidan nodded, looking somewhat relieved. The safest place in the galaxy was probably the Normandy anyway. 

"I trust you, I know you wouldn't endanger our child. How about we go, lay down and just be with each other? Like, cuddling, hugging."

Irimsaya kissed him gently.

"I'd like that. More than you know."

Kaidan smiled at this and led her over to their bed.

  


###  Curing the Genophage

The next day, after having successfully retrieved Barla Von's mercs, Jase was pacing in front of the med bay. Mordin had stopped by after being kind of thrown out of the med bay to inform him the cure was ready. Jase felt somewhat happy, especially after the chat he had with Eve, she seemed like a very good choice for Wrex and would keep the krogan in check. 

Right now Saya and Kaidan were in med bay and Jase was worried his sister was really sick. But Chakwas didn't seem to be in a hurry and he figured something weird was going on while watching them through the window.

  


Chakwas looked at both Kaidan and Saya and smiled.

"Congratulations. She's carrying your child Major."

Irimsaya's face lit up with a glee she had never felt before in her life. Chakwas left them alone to talk and went out to see Jase.

"Well Commander, it seems you're going to be an Uncle."

To say he was surprised was an understatement. Jase quickly thanked their doctor and went to see the two of them. But words wouldn't come, nothing smart assed came to mind and he knew he wouldn't give her any alcohol again in the next few months. Instead he went to them, opened his arms wide and grabbed them both into a hug and placed a kiss on Saya's hair before giving Kaidan a knowing grin.

"Should I say, job well done?"

Kaidan was grinning like a fool.

"Thanks Jase... I think," he laughed lightly.

Irimsaya hugged her brother tightly, closing her eyes.

"Jase... I made a promise to Kaidan. I'll be staying on the Normandy from now on."

Jase nodded at this. "Good. I'd have ordered you otherwise."

Irimsaya snorted at that.

"Yeah like I listen to orders." She put her hand back on her stomach and stared at it, still not quite believing what was happening.

"I think in this case you would listen willingly." Jase was watching her, he never had seen a woman who was carrying a child, let alone having the chance to witness it grow over the months. He scratched his head. "I.. just had a thought. Why don't you two do a holo diary for the little one in there? Might be fun for her, or him, to watch it later."

Irimsaya bit her lip and looked at Kaidan then Jase.

"What would we say? I mean... we're at war.."

Jase was watching them, he didn't want to say that maybe Kaidan could die, or something. Or he himself could die. But he knew he would have liked to have something like this from his parents.

"I.. don't think that's important. Just would have been nice to have it, you know. In a few years, you can laugh about it and tell the little one the stories."

Irimsaya looked at Jase again and realized what he must be thinking. Her eyes softened and she smiled.

"I think it's a brilliant idea. I would want the little one's uncle to do the same thing though."

"Uh. Okay. I'll make a tour of the ship. Something like that." Or play with the mech dog, goof around with Cortez and Vega. Or.. which gave him now another thought. Liara had come up with the time capsule, why shouldn't he do the same, just from his perspective.

"Yes, I'll do it."

Irimsaya hugged him again and kissed his cheek.

"You're going to be the best uncle any kid's ever had."

Kaidan was watching them silently, his hand resting gently on the small of Saya's back.

Jase nearly purred, feeling happy at the moment. "I feel so loved," he chuckled. "Well, I can't think of any better parents either. I'm happy for both of you."

Irimsaya chuckled softly to herself.

"Okay boys, now what?"

Kaidan looked at her in disbelief then moved his eyes to Jase with raised eyebrows.

"She just called us 'boys'.."

Jase nudged him a little. "Just wait till she has us changing the diapers." He shrugged a little then. "Mordin's cure is ready, we're headed for Tuchanka."

Irimsaya frowned, having a bad feeling.

"Who are you going to take with you to the planet?"

"James." Jase looked at Kaidan then, "And either you or Liara."

Kaidan was surprised, it was as if Jase was asking for his permission.

"Uhm... well whoever you're more comfortable with of course..."

He trailed off when Saya put a gentle hand on his arm. She looked at Jase then crossed her arms.

"I want Kaidan to go with you. That way you have someone with incentive to come back to keep you alive."

Kaidan stared at her, his protest dying on his lips as he realized she was right. He would do anything to get back to her safely - and to keep his team safe as well.

"Okay, just watch the biotics this time. No heroics. Cause, Saya would skin us both." He grinned and was teasing her a little. He had heard rumours about pregnant women who can become quite.. intense at times. Having a war going on out there was enough.

  


Garrus had convinced him to get some sleep. When Garrus was actually pointing this out to him, it meant you are dead on your feet already. Jase had bluntly told him he could sleep when he's dead. It was the first retort that came to his indeed tired mind, finding it also kind of hard to move. Standing in one spot and just thinking for a moment seemed easier than to drag his tired and depressed feet somewhere else. 

Mordin was dead. He still could hear him say, " _Someone else might have gotten it wrong."_

Jase had to add another name to the dreaded memorial wall. It was a constant reminder of the losses to all of them. Sometimes he wanted to turn that thing down and place it somewhere else as it was always jumping into his face when leaving the elevator. 

Luckily he didn't have to see it now when going up to his cabin. But it didn't change the fact that Mordin was dead. 

Genophage cured, Wrex and Eve finally had a future and the krogan had joined the turians on Palaven. A few good things had come of this. And yet he couldn't get the soft singing from Mordin out of his head, saw him still riding up that tower and the beauty of the cure being distributed into the air. Aside of the annoying Dalatrass trying to bribe him.

Jase groaned softly when his door opened, what was it with his luck in these missions and falling off bridges, like today, or falling into pits like it happened at Grunts mission. Would someone be so nice and give him a massage for once maybe? Running, jumping, rolling, ducking, more running, being tossed around from explosions, or nearly crushed to death by a giant fucking reaper like today. And Wrex urging him on to hurry up while he had to deal with a Reaper blocking his way. 

_There's a Reaper in my way!_

The craziness of Eve's brilliant idea of using the mother of all Thresher Maws to deal with the Reaper which made him now wish for more of the giant worms. The irony of it made him grin while he landed face first onto his bed. No urge to get changed or to get rid of his boots. Too tired to care, he crawled a little up, grabbed Joker's cushion and hugged it to his chest to inhale the scent of his lover. After this war was over he'd stop with being a soldier. He was getting tired of it. There had to be a few other people out there who could and would be as good as he was. Surely, there had to be others, like James. And somehow, he felt Kaidan and Saya were thinking the same.

  


Irimsaya was standing near her fish tank when Kaidan came in and she turned to him, taking in his exhausted face.

"I heard about Mordin." Her voice was soft. "Is it wrong for me to be glad it wasn't you or Jase.."

Kaidan sighed softly and went to her, hugging her from behind.

"I don't believe it's wrong. Mordin's a hero." He didn't know what to say, the mission still fresh in his mind. 

Irimsaya leaned back into him and closed her eyes then turned in his arms and kissed him gently.

"Use my shower love, I'll go get you some food." The feeling of loss made her close her eyes. Mordin had been a good friend to her and losing him was like someone kicking her in the gut.

Kaidan nodded and went to have his shower, the respect for Mordin once again had grown, now he wished he would have known him better.

  


Joker had just gotten off of his shift and he walked as fast as he could to Jase's cabin, knowing his mate would need someone to talk to. He knocked gently, waiting for him to respond.

"Edi... who's outside.." Jase asked softly, face half buried in the cushion. He was utterly exhausted.

"Jeff."

Good, which meant, he didn't have to move or pretend to be soldier who could deal with everything. 

"Let him in please." But why was Jeff knocking on **their** door?

Joker slowly went inside and saw Jase just lying there. His face filled with a sorrow he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Jase? I... I wasn't sure if you would want company...hence the knocking... uhm... look if you wanna talk..."

"I'm glad you're here," Jase sighed deeply. "Is this ever going to end? Are we going to make it? Stop them?"

Joker walked over and sat next to him on the bed.

"I have to believe we'll win. If we don't... then there's no point in continuing the fight. I like thinking there's always a light side... that all the sacrifices we've all made, all the friends we've lost, will make us stronger. And make us able to beat them."

Jase was slowly sitting up. At times like these he was wishing for a bathing tub where he could have a hot bath to help his stiff muscles. Joker was right. And Jase had to give credit where credit was due. His man had delivered a nice motivation speech but Jase knew, it wasn't just a speech, it was sincere and deep. Moving around a little Jase sat next to him and laid his arm around his shoulder.

"You're right. What would I do without you." He sighed softly. "Mordin wrote history today, he's changed the future of an entire species and helped securing survival on Palaven. And who knows, the krogan might join us on earth too." Jase turned around and buried his face into neck, gently kissing the skin there. He wasn't interested in sex, instead he was more in need of some gentle loving. 

"Saya and Kaidan are having a baby," Jase said, while blindly reaching for Joker's other hand.

Joker's eyebrows shot up in surprise at that news and his free hand found Jase's searching one and held it.

"Well... wow... that's... unexpected."

Jase chuckled a little. "Yeah. I guess that's the idea of it. Something else worth fighting for."

Joker held him close.

"Absolutely. See? When you look hard enough there is always something that's worth the fight, even if you can't see it right away."

Jase nodded. "You're worth fighting for, too. And once this is over I'm all for settling down with you, somewhere."

Joker stroked his head silently for a few minutes.

"I think we should all settle down where everything began - Eden Prime. It'd be nice there I think. A good place for Saya and Kaidan to raise their little one and a great place for you and me to just be with each other."

"Mmh. Eden Prime...," he was thoughtful, it was an interesting option and Joker giving him all this love and cuddles made him feel pretty content now too. "It's intriguing," Jase nodded. "Farming, building, dirty work. Kids playing in the backyard. Animals. Yes." Jase chuckled then at a thought he just had. "We get a dirty old ship, place it in the backyard and you can go play pilot with the kids."

Joker laughed loudly.

"We could hire Edi as the nanny!" His laughter continued. "Could you imagine?"

Jase chuckled too, delighted with the ideas Joker came up. "Absolutely. Edi is part of the family. We just need to watch her in the sandbox, can't have her getting dirt into the tech."

Joker raised an eyebrow.

"I was more concerned about the water from bath time..."

Now he was howling with laughter. First sand, then water. Poor Edi. "Alright.... no! Can't have that. She doesn't deserve the fate of critically failing at the tub. Maybe Kaidan can put a biotic bubble around her."

Joker wiped the laugh tears from his eyes.

"Oh geez... wow I needed that." He gently kissed the top of Jase's head. "Thanks for that."

"Hey, no problem." Being able to just be himself with Joker was a true blessing. 

"I love you... thank you, Jeff." Jase raised his head and gave him a slow but loving kiss and wondered briefly if Joker had received some news about his dad. He had been very surprised to hear he had a little sister. But he trusted him, knowing he'd tell him if there were some news.

  


Kaidan was done with his shower, he had taken the luxury of showering more than just five minutes and he had needed a shave. It gave him time to contemplate many things about them, their unborn child and the day's events. Now his stomach started to growl a little and he hoped Saya would feel fine with the food she would bring. 

Irimsaya re-entered her cabin with two trays full of food. It had been quite the feat to get them there without dropping them.

"Kaidan? Dinner's here!"

Kaidan grabbed his towel and hung it outside over her desk chair to let it dry, wearing nothing more than his briefs and his stomach erupted into another hungry growl. "I'm starving, this smells delicious. Glad we have Salvar back on the Normandy. Isn't that too heavy to carry? Someone could have helped you."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over your stomach." She stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm not an egg remember, so relax, I don't break that easy."

Kaidan nodded, figuring she'd demand help when her belly was bigger. And it would grow. He sniffed the air again when he looked at their food and sat down, watching her.

Irimsaya sat down and ate slowly.

"What's on your mind? And don't say nothing cause your eyes say something."

Kaidan ate silently. The food was indeed very tasty. "I have just been wondering.. I know you liked Mordin too." He was watching her again. "You haven't said a word and I know.. silence isn't a good thing with you Shepards."

Irimsaya looked at him then looked down at her food.

"I never got to say goodbye to him. I think that's what hurts the most."

Kaidan nodded and dropped the matter. If she wanted to say more she would now.

Irimsaya pushed her plate away in frustration.

"This damned war is taking too many lives! If you don't say goodbye each time a person leaves your sight you may never have the damned chance! He was a good man, a great man, he didn't deserve to die!"

"No. No he didn't," Kaidan replied. "And yet he'd chosen his path. To me he is a hero. A hero, Saya. He died to correct his mistake... and did it willingly." Kaidan bowed his head. "He died for us. If it hadn't been him, one of us would have done it."

Irimsaya closed her eyes at that thought.

"I know... I just... I wish this whole mess was done."

Kaidan nodded, he was feeling the same. But something told him they were reaching the end. "I think... when our child is being born... we will look back and say.. it's done."

Irimsaya bit her lip and nodded.

"Yeah... as long as the little one has somewhere safe and peaceful to live I'll be happy."

"It's going to have us, and your brother, Joker too." Kaidan smiled. He doubted Jase would stay away from them willingly. 

Irimsaya smiled at the thought.

"Sounds so appealing... If only it was already that point in time. Then I wouldn't have to worry about losing any of you."

"Yes. But I have no death wish, especially not right now. There's something incredible happening in you."

Irimsaya met his eyes.

"I'm actually looking forward to just staying on the ship to be honest with you. I think I was nearing my breaking point - especially after lying in a coma for so long. Then having Udina turn on us.. but this.. having a life growing inside of me feels.. well I feel complete now."

Kaidan smiled at this and he understood. "There is only so much a person can take. I'm happy.. you don't have to fight anymore."

She reached across the table and gently took his hand.

"The only thing I fear now is watching you and Jase go on those missions without me."

Kaidan sighed softly, watching their hands, he loved the touch. "Jase is sharp, a good leader. Watches out for us. Always knows where we are and what we're doing."

Irimsaya closed her eyes, just enjoying the touch of his hand.

"Doesn't stop me worrying. And then there's you who keeps going a bit too far with using his biotics. I thought you were doing better now? What happened to make you end up in the medbay the last time?"

"An atlas happened. Don't worry, I.. know my limits now. It won't happen again."

Irimsaya made a face.

"What'd you do - shield the entire squad or something?"

"I .. uh.. had a barrier going around them, it helped." Kaidan shrugged, looking a little sheepish. "The Atlas exploded and we saved the female krogan."

Irimsaya stared at him, both impressed and shocked at the same time.

"Holy crap Kaidan... I never even knew you could do that!"

"I.. actually can do it, it just takes a lot.. I had one going around the hospital's door, too."

Irimsaya stared at him with raised eyebrows.

"You never told me.. knowing you can do that makes me feel a bit better."

Kaidan grinned at her a little and stood up, getting close to her, feeling it was time now for some gentle cuddling and using the time they had. While he had no intention to die, he felt he had to use every minute they had. 

"You know, I've been thinking. About the holo diary Jase suggested. I think.. it's a good idea." 

He didn't want to say it, but in case something was going to happen to him, Kaidan felt his child needed something from him too. Wanting it to know he loved it.

Irimsaya closed her eyes. She knew why he wanted to do it. He was afraid one of these mission he wouldn't come back.

"Kaidan.. I..."

"I know, let me do it. It's all I can do right now and you have my word. I'll always be with you."

That did it. Irimsaya broke down crying and she shook her head.

"Don't! Don't say it like that! PLEASE!"

Kaidan reached over and got her even closer, figuring it was better not to say anything more about it now. But it was important to him. If lucky they'd watch it in a few years and smile about it. "I want to see my child. Our baby. Please... don't.. be upset. We'll watch it later, together, in a few years."

Irimsaya held him close, breathing hard, and nodded slightly.

"Just don't ever talk like that again... I can't handle it.."

"I promise, I won't." Kaidan kissed her hair gently and just held her for the rest of the evening.


	5. Eden Prime

Usually Jase had liked to avoid Kelly Chambers and her chirping statement of having a new message. He often had jogged by, getting as fast as possible to Joker. Now, with Samantha Traynor, it was the complete opposite. He often found himself staying at her terminal, just so he could chat with her. Traynor had become a friend to him and someone he trusted. And she was skilled. Picking up important messages and passing it on to him. 

Last time she had practically rescued Grissom Academy, now she picked up a signal from some ex-Cerberus people. Scientists, which could help to build the Crucible. Jase had studied the blueprints. He had a basic idea of what they were dealing with, he just hoped whatever the catalyst was going to be, it would actually work. 

It _had_ to work.

Jase nodded his thanks at Traynor and went up to the bridge, to check up on his mate and Edi. He stood a while behind Joker's chair, watching him work.

"Isn't it weird, now we're going back to Eden Prime."

Edi turned in her chair to face Jase.

"Please explain commander. How is it 'weird'?"

Jase was watching her thoughtfully for a few seconds. "It's where everything started Edi. Saren, the geth. Nihlus died there and Jenkins. And now, three years later, we're coming back."

Edi cocked her head to one side as she processed what Jase said.

"Ah I see. So this falls under the category of something being 'full circle'. Interesting."

Jase grinned a little at this. "Yes."

Edi watched him.

"So.. what happens when you must travel outside this circle?"

"Uh. It's more a saying Edi. It's like coming back to your roots." He was scratching his head now. " Like coming back to where you have been created, for example. It's about memories, experience. Remembering.. things."

Edi cocked her head to one side and it was obvious she was processing the data.

"I believe I understand Shepard. Thank you for the clarification."

"Anytime Edi. And, if you have questions, I'll answer them." Just not right now, Edi seemed to have such questions which needed some heavy thinking.

Joker was snickering quietly to himself, not about to tell his lover that he had put Edi up to that whole thing.

Jase heard the soft snicker and shrugged it off. Surely Joker was glad to have Edi pestering someone else. He leaned over the seat and gently took off Joker's hat to ruffle his hair and to place a kiss onto it. "How much longer, Jeff?"

Jeff checked the numbers.

"Looks like a few hours."

Jase sighed softly, rubbed his face and nodded. 

"Thanks Jeff." 

There was a door now... behind him.. and Jase was feeling happy about it. He moved Jeff's chair around, after warning him to stop doing what he was doing and told Edi to fly the ship for a moment. Then he moved, coming down to Joker's height, laid his arms around him and pulled him into a deep but gentle loving kiss. Once he pulled back he looked a little flustered, but Jase smiled.

"Thanks. I needed that." Now he could go and get some more work done before they'd hit Eden Prime. Kaidan was going with him and Liara, he was sure she wanted to be there. He should go and talk to her though, to get ready for the mission.

Joker stared at Jase and licked his lips.

"Uhm...wow... thanks..."

Jase just gave him a goofy yet knowing grin, but his eyes were shining brightly. "I'm at Liara's. If you need anything, just give me a call." Jase got up and walked off, steps feeling so light. Yes, he was deeply in love. Why had it taken him just so long? It felt so good.

  


"Kaidan, I want you with me on Eden Prime." Jase radioed his friend, not long and they'd take the shuttle down to the planet.

Irimsaya pulled Kaidan close as he answered an affirmative to Jase.

"So soon.. was hoping to have you in bed for awhile longer..."

Kaidan turned around to take her once more into his arms. "It's been a few hours already. Are you feeling better?" He hated seeing her sick, but apparently she was also feeling more tired than usual.

Irimsaya held him close and tight.

"Yeah... Chakwas said it was just morning sickness. Something for us to look forward to I suppose." Her voice was sarcastic and tired at the same time.

Kaidan kept gently caressing her back for a little while longer, but then he really had to leave and kissed her before leaving the bed. "I'm sorry, need to get ready."

Irimsaya sighed softly and sat up with him.

"Yeah.. I know. I do wish I was going with you though, I'd feel better about it."

"Mmh, why don't you watch the feeds. I know Joker often does, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

Irimsaya was thoughtful as she dressed and then watched him get into his armour.

"I think I'll do that. I'm sure he won't mind the company of his future sister-in-law."

"I think he might feel the same like you, but he's more.. used to it." Kaidan smiled at her and gave her a kiss and another hug before he left to meet Jase in the hangar.

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a second after he left then went and joined Joker in the cockpit.

"Joker.. bring up the live feeds."

"Aye aye Commander."

  


Jase was silent on the shuttle ride, watching his crew instead and listened to their soft chatter. At first he had thought he'd feel more upset somehow, coming back here, but he actually felt content right now and was somewhat curious to see how the colony had changed over the years. If they were ever going to live here, he sure would use this opportunity to have a look around.

His hopes clearly sank when he saw what it looked like. There was no sign of survivors and they had to find the dig site. 

"This was a beautiful colony once."

Jase used the chance of having landed on the upper terrain to take a look around with his sniper, having it brought along this time and zoomed in on the distant mountains and river. 

"They rebuilt after the geth attack. They can rebuild again."

Kaidan was right, they did and they would. With a small smile he put it away, knowing he could live here and help rebuilding it.

"The city on Earth where I grew up was hard and dirty. I can see it as a warzone. Eden Prime doesn't deserve this." Jase paused, lingering a little before he pulled himself out of his thoughts. "Come on, let's go."

  


So. A living Prothean. He had never imagined to see one let alone to talk to one. After opening it and being knocked out for a few seconds Jase needed answers and went to the.. alien. Liara was right with her warning. Saya had slept for two years and it had already thrown her off balance. Sleeping 50.000 years was worse. But they had to leave. Sending the intel they had found to the resistance would help Eden Prime's colonists and as much as he wanted to do more, he couldn't. 

Jase went and touched the prothean's shoulder, only to be hurled back into a.. vision. A memory. He shook his head when he came out of it. Three times a day was clearly enough now and it looked like the guy was smug, too. But eventually he had him in the shuttle and brought him back to the Normandy.

  


Irimsaya was waiting for them when they docked and she raised her eyebrows in surprise when she saw the newcomer.

"Uhm... something you want to tell me Jase?"

Jase nodded and motioned her to follow him. After looking her carefully over, checking to see if she was under any.. other stress or not feeling well and deciding she could take the news, he filled her in while slowly walking to the elevator and riding up to their cabin.

"He's the only one left," Jase concluded. "I'll talk to him after I got changed."

Irimsaya rubbed her face.

"A living, breathing Prothean... I would never have dreamed it possible..."

Jase nodded, he still had to get it into his mind that this was true, but the past he had witnessed was now stuck in his mind too. "Come with me if you like. It should be.. interesting."

Irimsaya smiled and nodded.

"I'd like that. Let me know when you're ready."

She headed off and sat in her cabin waiting for Jase to call her, idly wondering if Kaidan was playing poker again with James.

Jase nodded and once he was done showering and changing, he called her and went with her down to Grunt's old room. 

Several minutes later and he ordered the soldiers to leave, the prothean wouldn't be a problem for them. That was until the guy started to mess with his mind. Now he wasn't sure if this had been such a good idea. It wasn't that bad and he could find out some answers and explain things to him, until the prothean realized there was more to his person and started to dig around.

"Wait. There is more." 

Jase couldn't even blink, it all was happening so fast and the memories from the visions on Virmire exploded in his mind. Then it abruptly stopped.

"Your cycle has already been lost! How can you still fight the Reapers?" Before he could answer and explain, he was grabbed again and the prothean dug deeper.

"I understand." Was the only thing the prothean now said and Jase felt like falling, into a stream of... whatever the prothean did, into a stream of vids and pictures. Many more than he remembered among many other things which didn't seem to make any sense. Had this been all in his head, all this time? Once it stopped he just stared at the prothean for a few seconds before he forced himself back into the business as usual mode, asked questions, let Liara ask her questions and finally looked at Saya, to see if she wanted to know more.

Irimsaya stepped forward toward the Prothean slowly as Liara backed off respectfully.

"What did you do to my brother?"

"Shepard.." Liara put a gentle hand on Saya's arm but the other woman shook it off.

"Answer me."

The prothean didn't think he had to explain his actions and just grabbed Saya the same way, digging around and transfering knowledge once he realized that she was the original source in this cycle. After he was done he kept looking at the two Shepards.

"Which one of you is in charge."

Irimsaya stumbled back into Jase, holding her head and stomach.

"Son of a bitch... we both are! And I swear if you've hurt my baby..."

Jase kept her steady from behind while the prothean looked unfazed.

"The young ones in you are in perfect health." He kept watching them. "This is highly uncommon. There is more hope in this cycle than was in ours," he said while his eyes rested on Jase. 

"The human male is the equivalent of the avatar of hope. While you," he looked at Saya, "are the avatar of life." He paused. "Amusing. I will join you to fight the Reapers, Commander. I am called Javik."

Jase was competent enough to welcome him aboard and once Javik had turned his back to them he knew the conversation was over. He left the room together with Saya and saw Liara going past them, letting them know she was going to record her experience with the prothean. He just hoped Allers wouldn't ambush him now.

Irimsaya let Jase lead her back to her cabin while she tried to figure out everything that just happened.

"How the hell did he do that... what does he mean by these 'avatars'??"

Jase was thinking about this and sat down then inside. "He's vengeance. An icon," he said, remembering Javik calling the other one Victory, seeing them down in the bunker. Had there been another 'avatar'..he frowned, trying to remember. There had been collectors.

"Avatar of Life," Jase repeated, then he kind of spaced out as his head was now full of images and real memories of someone else and a few more real video like memories from his original world.

Irimsaya watched him then went and poured him a drink.

"Still think we can do this?"

Jase frowned at the memories in his head and started to sort it out. There was earth, Kaidan, another distant world he hadn't visited yet. There was a lot of tech in his head too, which wasn't making any sense at all, mixed together with the visions from the Beacon. Wading through these memories he realized he was feeling calm about it, as if a barrier had been built around himself and Jase knew what it was. It was Joker's love for him. He felt save and secure right now. Even disconnected from it.

Jase reached out and took the glass to drink a little.

"Yes." It was them pushing forward, learning from the past. "We can."

Irimsaya couldn't help but smile at his words, his confidence.

"That's all I needed to hear."

"I know. Jeff's been great too...." He looked at her, not knowing if he should tell her or not. But they always had told each other was had been going on. For a second he wondered if Javik could tell her if the baby was a girl or a boy. But Javik had said the young ones. Who knew?

Irimsaya just sat there, one hand resting lightly on her stomach.

"You anchor each other. Just like Kaidan and I do."

"Now even more than before. He wants Edi as a nanny for your kids." Jase chuckled softly.

"Wait... kids? Plural? Oh boy..." She looked thoughtful. "Although I wouldn't mind that. Now... Edi as a nanny. Mmmh... that would be interesting." Saya laughed lightly.

Jase grinned at her, teasing her now. "We're expecting at least two from you. Face it, sis.. you have to make up for me not having babies."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him then grinned.

"In other words you want me to be a baby factory?" She laughed.

"Hey, we'd help you raising them." Jase downed the rest of his drink. Damn it, time was flying and he had to make all the reports and checks. And they were going to rescue the ex-Cerberus scientists next, after that they'd hit the Citadel.

"We'll be hitting the Citadel after we got the scientists. I.. plan on doing the marriage part once we're there. You, Kaidan, Garrus and Liara.. I would like to have you there."

Irimsaya reached over and took her brother's hand.

"I wouldn't miss it even if I was in labour." She grinned.

Jase grinned back and nodded. "I just can see you doing that." He got up with a sigh and gave her a hug. 

"Duty's calling. Can't keep those scientists waiting for too long. You never know with Cerberus. I'll give Kaidan a break, take Garrus and James with me."

Irimsaya winced at that but nodded.

"Alright.. please do be careful." She hugged Jase then sat down again at the table, staring at it and deep in thought.

  


His favourite pilot wasn't at his usual place. Instead Edi helmed the Normandy and informed him Joker was playing poker. Jase frowned a little at this, but he remembered Kaidan telling him some time ago that Joker had asked him to teach him Poker. Jase rubbed his neck thoughtfully and thanked Edi before taking off to find the rest of his crew. And indeed, James, Kaidan and Joker were playing Poker and there was still an empty seat. Jase leaned onto the glass wall, crossed his arms and watched the game.

"I'm glad you aren't playing strip poker." Cause if they were, Joker, by the looks of it, would have been naked by now.

Joker looked up, startled.

"Very funny Jase, very funny. Why don't you come join us??"

"Always room for one more Jase," Kaidan chimed in. "Especially if you're looking to lose some creds."

"Uh-huh. Sure, I've got a little bit of time." He said and sat down. Jase knew James liked to play, having watched him a few times on the Citadel, which resulted in James often losing. Now Kaidan was good at keeping a straight face and Jase himself too, but Joker and James would be interesting to watch.

Half an hour later Jase noticed that James seemed to sweat a little bit and Joker was fidgeting a very little. Kaidan on the other hand was.. Kaidan. 

Another ten minutes later and Jase was grinning from ear to ear.

Kaidan glared at Jase.

"Alright, how the hell did you manage that?!"

Okay, pissed off Kaidan was no fun to be with. 

"With age comes skill. You should know that." Jase grinned. "Come on Kaidan, I'm not here to loot you."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"Never said you were." Then he grinned. "You take me too seriously sometimes you know."

"Maybe," Jase grinned back at him and gave out the cards for another round. "Alright, last game for me. Let's see if you can win it back. Or maybe James." He gave the young man a wink and a grin.

Joker just sat back and watched, having been cleaned out.

  


Kaidan swore as Jase cleaned him out.

"Alright, who taught you so damned good."

"I've had a good teacher," he chuckled, knowing it had been Kaidan himself actually. "I could give lessons, you know. Could use some extra credits." Knowing damn well he just did that actually.

Kaidan snorted at that.

"You already have all our creds in front of you Jase." He chuckled. "Well... Saya did warn me not to play but I can't help myself."

Jase nodded with a smile and pushed the credits back. "I don't need them anyway." He got up. "Gotta go. Have fun. Jeff, don't lose your shirt." He said while giving him a quick kiss, then he was gone. Jase smirked a little to himself, knowing Joker was probably blushing bright red by now.


	6. Rescuing the Scientists

Irimsaya sat silently in her cabin, wondering why it was the crew didn't feel as at ease around her as they did around Jase. It made her feel even more isolated than she had when Cerberus had her on their leash.

There was a knock on Saya's door as Samantha Traynor stood outside, having brought along her chess game. According to Edi the former Commander of the ship sat all alone in her cabin.

Irimsaya frowned and went to the door, surprise in her eyes when she saw who was standing there.

"Traynor." Saya smiled a bit. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, I actually thought I could do something for you. I heard you were all alone and I think for someone like you this isn't healthy. I brought a chess game. I have already played it with Commander Shepard, but.. he got a little distracted." She grinned. "I hope you don't mind, ma'am."

Irimsaya smiled warmly at her and stepped to one side.

"Not at all, come on in and make yourself at home."

"Thank you," she replied and went inside and looked around. While it had the same layout, it was different from the other cabin. "Oh, how nice it is here, it certainly carries a lady's touch." She went and placed it onto the table, explaining how it worked. She was glad Edi had mentioned it to her that the female Commander Shepard was all alone. After a while she told her about it. "You have a great friend in Edi. She was all worried about you."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow as Traynor beat her yet again at the game.

"I.. honestly didn't know she was monitoring me. It's actually a nice surprise."

Sam set it up again after beating her, this time she would try to watch her better and maybe the commander would win.

"I'm thinking of Edi as a friend. I've spent some time with her since she has... aquired her sexy," she laughed a little, "body. Edi cares about her crew."

Irimsaya watched Traynor for a minute.

"Edi's always cared about us. Even before she had her body. But I think my surprise here is that you think she's sexy..." She grinned at Traynor.

"I promise Commander, I won't be hitting on you. This was not my intention." Sam grew serious now and moved around on the couch, feeling a little uncomfortable. "I have been wondering about something, ma'am. May I ask for your opinion on it?"

Irimsaya turned to face her.

"Of course you can Traynor, anytime."

"Thank you, Commander." She sat back, collected all her thoughts and bravery. "Would it be wrong to persuade a romantic relationship with," she paused, wondering if maybe she had lost all her marbles by now, "with Edi?"

Irimsaya stared at her in shocked surprise.

"With Edi... uhm... Well I guess not. I mean she's a sentient being as far as I'm concerned."

Sam winced a little. "She is, at least I feel she is to me and she is always so concerned about her crew. But I did scare you, didn't I. I apologize, Commander. If you feel.. I should not do it or if you believe I could endanger the mission and your crew, I will not do it."

Irimsaya leaned forward and put a gentle hand on the other woman's arm.

"Seize the day Traynor. Go for it. And I wish you all the best."

"Thank you, Commander." She didn't need to say more, her face spoke volumes and she went back to pay attention to their game. "I believe you have won," she laughed a little and was about to set up the game again when she saw the Major walking in.

Kaidan still grumbled a little about having lost against Jase and now he had just found out that he had a little more free time on his hands because, Edi and Garrus had gone with Jase.

"I swear, I'm not going to play Poker with your brother again. Lost all my credits." Kaidan stopped when he saw the visitor. "Oh, I didn't know we had a visitor. Samantha, nice to see you here."

Sam nodded in greeting, wondering if she should leave now. "Major Alenko, sir."

Irimsaya helped Traynor pack up the game and hugged her gently.

"Thanks for the company Samantha. Just... be careful okay?" She watched the other woman smile shyly and leave then she looked at Kaidan. "Let me guess - he beat the pants off of you."

Kaidan smirked a little. "In fact.. yes. He was joking about Strip Poker. Glad we weren't playing that game." Kaidan paused and looked at the empty spot where Traynor just had been sitting. "It's nice to see you making friends."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow.

"Indeed. She's a nice young lady and needed some advice."

Kaidan nodded and was in fact glad people came to Saya as well. It would help everyone and he remembered the days when Jase and Saya had been doing the same. "I guess that means you have been feeling well, too. Why don't you come with me next time we play Poker?"

Irimsaya smirked a bit.

"You really want your wife to beat you in front of the men?"

"I can take that any day, better you than Jase. At least I can demand a kiss for every time I lose a game." He thought of it a little more. "And if you're as good as he is, it will be interesting to see which one of you might win. Hey.. we could even place bets and Joker could win some of his credits back."

Irimsaya started laughing.

"Just promise me it won't be strip poker."

Kaidan wanted to say no, of course not at first, but then he got a grin on his face and furrowed his brow. "Strip Poker? Only if it's between you and me. Because.. you could.. ah.. teach me."

Irimsaya blushed bright red.

"Ahhh yeah... I might fight that interesting..."

Kaidan gave her a wicked grin and then kissed her. "I have some free time, Jase took Edi and Garrus with him."

Irimsaya kissed him back gently.

"Well then... let's have a game... or two..."

"Good, good," Kaidan grinned back at her. "I'm eager to learn, you know. Might help me win next time."

Irimsaya snickered softly.

"You really think I'd *let* you win? I'd rather ensure that it's just you who gets the, shall we say, air conditioning.."

"Now hey.. I knew it. You're worse than him. I'm not even wearing as much underwear as you do. How about every time you lose you strip off two pieces? Wouldn't that be a little bit more fair?" Kaidan grinned at her. She was such a tease.

Irimsaya had a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"You think so, do you? You really think that fair hmm... Nope I disagree... now however if you want to take off 2 pieces per loss..."

Kaidan laughed now, backing off a little. "Right, you just want to have me naked in no time. You could always ask, it doesn't need.. any game of poker."

Irimsaya chuckled at him.

"I know and same here sweetie. I'm glad you're taking a break from the missions to be honest with you."

"I wasn't happy about it at first, because it felt like.. I don't know. He's changed since he got the command and he seems to like asking me for my opinion. But, I'm glad for every chance to spend more time with you." He knew very well how much time they had been missing out on, two years dead and then having to work with Cerberus, then her detention. 

Irimsaya reached up and touched his lips gently.

"Shhh... we don't worry about the past anymore Kaidan - we can't. We have someone we have to care for now and make sure the future is theirs for the taking. I won't let anyone take that future away from him or her."

"When do we know.. no, when do we want to know what it will be, or were you thinking of surprising yourself?" Kaidan leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. Maybe the poker game was forgotten now.

Irimsaya gently stroked his cheek.

"Do you want to know? Or would you rather be surprised?"

Normally he would have wanted to be surprised but given the recent events. Maybe the next time. After the war, he figured.

"I would like to know." Kaidan smiled at her. 

Irimsaya kissed him gently.

"Then we need to give the little one a couple more weeks to develop. I erm... I'll be right back."

She rushed to the adjacent room.

Kaidan winced and slowly went after her to give her a helping hand. "I'm sure Dr. Chakwas would have something to help you with this."

Irimsaya sat on the floor once it was over, breathing hard.

"Uh yeah... I think I need to ask her about that.."

Kaidan got her a glass of fresh water and handed it to her together with a wet washcloth. "Why don't we go now, before your brother comes back and she is busy with checking them over."

Irimsaya gladly drank the water he handed to her and then wiped her face with the nice cool cloth.

"Yeah why not, we have some time to kill."

She let him lead her to the med bay and Chakwas.

Kaidan was glad Saya went down with him and that Dr. Chakwas had some time for them to help his wife. And he had been right, just as they were done they heard Jase's voice, asking the Dr. to come down to the Cargo hold. Kaidan gave his wife a kiss and went down to help.

  


The mission had been a success. Once they had broken off from the base and Cerberus wasn't a threat anymore, James and Steve had come with the two Normandy's shuttles to pick them up, abandoning the Cerberus shuttles. The scientists were currently sitting in their cargo bay, together with their children. 

Jase was watching them while browsing through the catalogue on the newest weapon upgrades he could find, credits weren't a problem right now, the latest funding had just gone through in time. A few of the kids were sleeping, smaller ones were being comforted by their parents and two were playing chase with the mech dog. After having to shoot and kill so many mech dogs back on Illium, he was glad to know at least one dog which was different. The elevator door behind him opened and Dr. Chakwas walked past him, he had called her down to hand out any medicine to those who needed some. While the scientists were smart enough themselves, having a doctor at hand wouldn't hurt. Until they reached the Citadel the cargo hold would be their current "home".

Jase's face darkened a little when Dr. Archer's and his eyes locked, but at the moment he was giving him the benefit of doubt. Perhaps he had changed. Perhaps. But he couldn't forget the sight of David Archer hooked up into the machine, pleading for help. 

Everything done Jase spoke with James briefly and nodded eventually at the younger man, then walked over to Steve who suggested hitting the club next time they were at the Citadel. Jase stayed a little bit longer, making sure Steve knew he was considered a friend and would be welcomed any time he needed someone to talk to. Inwardly Jase was hoping he could find the guy a man. 

Next stop had been Adams, Javik and Allers. Upon exiting her room Jase felt annoyed. Why for christ's sake wanted the woman to have an interview with him IN HIS cabin? He had suggested doing it in her room right away, but no, the woman insisted on coming up to his cabin. Not only that she was kind of annoying, somehow he felt she was barely doing anything on this ship. The room could certainly be used for better things. Maybe he should toss her out of the airlock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: Yes, we know. Regs etc. So Traynor asking Saya is.. wrong but you see. Two pairs are living on the ship and suddenly we had this thought about Sam hooking up with Edi and voila, we wrote it ;).


	7. Lesuss

Jase stood and stared at the galaxy map for a minute. He had wanted to bring those scientists to the Citadel, but going for the Ardat-Yakshi monastery would be wise, as their planet was kind of close by. It would save them some precious time. With a sigh he punched it in and maybe now he could finally get out of his armour. By that time Dr. Chakwas was hopefully done and she could have a look at the bruises on his body. He didn't want to take any chances at all and getting hit by a rocket launcher was not his idea of fun. 

Saya went in search of her brother, worry foremost in her thoughts. She knew if he had been badly hurt then he wouldn't have neglected the med bay but something was nagging at the back of her mind. She paused as she exited the elevator onto the CIC and saw him hunched over the galaxy map.

"Jase?"

Jase suppressed the groan when straightening up and out of habit, he gave her a full report. He noted that she looked a little pale, though.

Irimsaya just nodded occasionally, watching his stiff movements. She gently took his arm and led him into the elevator.

"You're getting checked out whether you like it or not mister."

"It's on my schedule." 

No need to scare the crew. Once the door was closed and they were alone, he sighed, looking defeated.

"Somebody give me a massage these days. Took a rocket to my side." He laughed a little as he explained. "Could have been worse, could have ended up looking like Garrus."

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow at him.

"A rocket to the side and you DIDN'T go to the med bay?? Jase! What were you thinking??"

"I'm alive and standing on my feet. And I'm going now. A few hours and we'll hit the Ardat-Yakshi monastary."

Irimsaya looked thoughtful for a minute.

"I should go with you."

"Thanks mom," Jase nodded, not minding her to come with him to med bay.

Irimsaya winced a bit as she realized he didn't get her meaning.

"I meant I'm coming with you to the monastary."

"What?! No." Jase frowned deeply and once the door of the elevator opened he walked out of it. He shook his head again while walking to med bay. 

"No, I won't allow it." 

Why should he take her with him, to have her getting hurt? Lose the baby? Have half of the ship mad with him for making such a lousy decision? Not to mention Kaidan, too. Or himself. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself at all.

"No. I mean it. I know you're bored stiff but. Damn it. No. I'm not risking you or the baby!" He sat down on one of the beds with his back turned to her, having a deep scowl on his face.

Saya knew that would be his reaction. She also knew that if Kaidan heard of her request that he would be beyond mad at her. But she had achieved the desired reaction from her brother. He seemed alive again.

"Okay then you start taking more precautions!!"

Jase muttered something under his breath, then replied by telling her the truth. "Do you think I'm doing it on purpose? We were boarding the last shuttle, when Cerberus swarmed the place. 'Take Shepard out!' were their orders." 

Jase sighed and slowly stripped off his armour now. The faster he was done the better, he could get some rest before reaching Lesuss. But he knew why he took the rocket. If it hadn't been him, it would have hit the shuttle and the people and children inside would be dead. He had been their shield.

Irimsaya walked around the bed and faced him, her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed.

"Don't you think I realize that Jase? But I don't want my children growing up without an uncle who loves them! And if the only way to make you see I'm serious is to threaten you with me going on one of these missions then so be it!"

Jase swallowed hard and looked away. Somehow she always had the skill to make him feel like a little kid.

"If I hadn't taken that rocket they'd be dead. The shuttle would have crashed, killing them all, including myself." He looked back at her. "Those people down there deserve to live, too."

With the daily death reports he was receiving, knowing they were most likely not even complete and being aware how many more died in a second, or a day while they were just talking, or while he just shared his bed with Joker, all of it was cruel. And yet rescuing a few of them felt like making a big difference. Punching a hole into the numbers to prove the Reapers wrong. That he could do his job and actually _save_ people.

Irimsaya took him into her arms and held him.

"You can't hold it in forever Jase. Let it go."

After wrapping his arms around her waist Jase sighed deeply and buried his head into her shoulder, knowing she'd make a great mom. Aside of chiding her children if needed, of course. But letting go completely wasn't a good idea. Losing control of his emotions wouldn't mix well with the next mission, which was already on his mind too. 

Jase sighed, apparently she had seen more in him than he knew about himself at the moment. There was indeed a lot on his mind where he wished he could spill his guts and sometimes he silently wished for a shrink where he just could go and vent, without fear to hurt someone's feelings or scaring them by unloading the doubts of not being able to pull this off.

"I'm not suicidal. I plan to live and tell about it." 

Which gave him yet another thought. Doing the vid diary for her child was one good idea. Maybe he should use the medium too, for spilling out the doubts and fears. It would be easier, after all.

Irimsaya just held him like that for awhile, feeling him relax a little bit.

"You know you can talk to me right? That you can tell me anything. I don't want you to think you're isolated because you're not. You have a crew here backing you up. You have me, Joker, Kaidan... We all support you. But me... well... I just want you to come to me if you need to. No matter what it is you have to get off your chest."

Dr. Chakwas' voice kind of rescued him from answering. But Jase knew everyone was looking forward to some kind of a future. But what about himself? Where would he be in the future? On Eden Prime? Or.. where? Jase didn't know. Right now he only thought ahead to ending the war with the Reapers. And that was it. Everything else that came after it, Jase had no idea what it would be like for him, what it actually _meant_ for his future.

"Got it. Thanks, sis."

Irimsaya gently backed off as Chakwas took over with her brother. She sat down on a nearby bed and watched over the proceedings, one hand absent-mindedly stroking her stomach and the life growing inside of her. Even with the meds that Chakwas had given her it felt like her stomach was still churning but maybe now it was because of what was going on. Because of knowing so many people had their lives at stake.

Jase of course promised to be more careful and listened to Dr. Chakwas problem and suggestion. Their doctor was a smart one and Jase agreed to speak with Tactus on the Citadel about the medical supplies. And then he was free. He went over to his sister and held out his hand for her.

"I think.. I should take my mind off... things. Got an idea?"

Irimsaya took his hand and let him lead her from the med bay.

"I'm game for pretty much anything to be honest. I never realized how stir crazy a soldier can get when they're confined to their ship." She grinned at him.

"Yeah. After this mission we'll be at the Citadel. Go outside, take Kaidan with you, enjoy the day. Promise me." Jase himself was planning to hit the bar after getting married and maybe convince Joker to hit the pools too, he sure could use some swimming time.

Irimsaya smiled a bit as they walked, her arm now in his.

"I can't wait. What's our ETA?"

"A day, not much longer. We need to drop off our guests, too. Can't have them down there for too long. Too crammed." He stopped walking and looked at her. "I feel bad about taking a break." There was worry on his face now too. "I feel bad when feeling happy. I know it's wrong. But," Jase paused, "I do."

Saya grimaced slightly and nodded.

"I know the feeling. When Chakwas confirmed the baby... all I could think about was all those people who wouldn't be able to see their children grow up... all those children who wouldn't have parents.. it kills me inside."

Jase nodded at this. "Yes. That's why I've been trying to make a difference with my kids. And.. you know, I've been considering to adopt one, maybe." He shrugged a little and pointed at her stomach. "Focus on your little one in there. Okay?"

Irimsaya hugged his arm tightly as they walked.

"I am. Kaidan wants to know what it is."

"Oh. And you?" Jase gave her a grin. "It's a girl."

Irimsaya laughed a bit then shook her head.

"I'm not sure I want to know. But.. with the missions you guys go on now... it would give Kaidan some peace of mind."

"Then do it. Let him know. And tell me, too. Could go shopping." 

"Whoa whoa whoa... define shopping..." She wasn't sure what worried her more, tonnes of clothes or tonnes of toys.

Jase chuckled softly. "Toys.... Books."

Saya rubbed her forehead with her free hand.

"Right..." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "I'm glad you're here."

"Glad to be here." By the look on her face Jase knew she wasn't really that fond of the shopping idea and he chuckled eventually.

Several long hours later Jase was back from the monastery, having Samara with him. After doing his vid reports and everything else which was important he rubbed his face and considered taking a long hot shower before hitting his bed to catch some sleep. Once he hit his cabin he got caught up with his messages and reports. By now the large screen was plastered with paper, to help him keep track of the troops they had and it was also filled with reports of the most recent Reaper attacks. He could have used the screen but actually writing all these things down on paper and putting them up, made it feel more real. Watching his work, he licked his lips, got out of his armour and hit the showers before falling asleep in his bed.

  


Irimsaya went back to her cabin after ensuring Jase's mission was a success and she lied down to try and get some rest. It had been a long day.

Kaidan soon joined her. When the ship entered the night cycle he found it very peaceful. He even had met Joker in the elevator, riding up with him. Once he was changed he joined Saya in their bed and spooned up behing her, taking her into his arms. He was quiet, not wanting to wake her. 

Irimsaya soon started moaning though as her nightmare came back to haunt her.

Kaidan gently kissed and rubbed her arm, hoping he could calm her down, but apparently it didn't work and he started saying her name softly. After the second try he called her out. "Saya. Wake up. You're dreaming."

Irimsaya gasped awake, sitting straight up in bed, sweat pouring down her face as she panted for air.

"Hey.. easy, it was a dream...." Kaidan watched her, rubbing her arm gently. "Come here.."

Irimsaya shook her head and sat on the edge of the bed.

"No.. it was that same nightmare Kaidan. It.. I can't explain the terror I feel in it.."

Kaidan moved and sat behind her, so he could hug her. "The child you saw back on earth?"

Irimsaya bowed her head and nodded, weeping softly.

"I couldn't save him... how can I save ours..."

Kaidan was gently rocking her by now. "Sssh... it's not your fault. Ours is still in here." He laid his hand on her belly.

"Oh Kaidan... how can I not think it was? He was within my grasp. If he had come with me I could've saved him on the Normandy. He was scared of me.. and I don't know *why*. Am I a scary person? What kind of mother will that make me? What *right* do I have to bring a life into a universe where I'm not even sure I can protect it?!"

Saya was rambling and she knew it, but she also couldn't stop it as her fears washed over her anew. She started shaking in Kaidan's arms.

Kaidan was wondering what had happened today and if there was something that had caused another round of this dream.

"Ssh sh. Hush... you aren't a scary person, the little guy was scared. It wasn't your fault." Kaidan didn't know what to say more. "You'll be a great mother, you have so much love to give, you cared for the boy and aren't even his mom. You'll be … great...!"

Irimsaya was breathing a bit slower as he kept talking to her softly and she let him pull back into the bed with him after a bit.

"I'm sorry.." She whispered. "I don't know what just happened.."

"Don't be, it's okay. It's okay." Kaidan wasn't going to say it's only normal, because the world outside was falling apart until they found a way to stop it from falling apart. From how uncertain their future was, not knowing what the next day would bring. It could be good or bad. Or both, considering the state of the whole galaxy. But Kaidan knew he would dream about the boy too, if he had spoken to him and seen him. He had only seen the shuttles being destroyed, there were no faces to it. Only the knowledge that people actually had died. But they all were faceless and it was easier to deal with faceless deaths than knowing who it was. But she had tried, because she cared and that spoke for her.

Irimsaya managed to fall into a fitful sleep but stayed in his arms the entire night.

Kaidan stayed awake for a long time, gently caressing her face hair and back from time to time. He was watching her sleep. He was absolutely certain she would be a great mother and he hoped he could at least keep up with her. And he couldn't wait for the child to be born.


	8. Citadel - Getting Married

###  Citadel - Getting Married

If someone had told him he'd be nervous he'd have laughed. Him and being nervous when saying yes to his husband? Nope. There were worse things to be nervous about. Like facing a banshee and not knowing where to go next. Or waking up in a different reality and realizing everything was gone and different. But getting married? No. Who could he have fooled. Apparently people were nervous when getting married. Saya had been, too. And Kaidan had been as well. If Joker was nervous, too? 

Jase checked his clothes again. Buttons were closed, everything sat the way it should, there was no wrinkle in his blue Alliance clothes and his boots were shining too. He wrung his hands. If someone had told him several years ago he'd marry the best pilot of the Alliance he would have laughed and declared the person as crazy. 

Luckily he had dropped off every person which had to leave the ship, the cargo hold had been cleaned out too, every single piece he had found was returned to the owner or person in need, messages had been dropped off, Tactus had agreed to trade the meds too. Chakwas would be glad. And James had gotten his N7 tattoo. He even had found Balak, had wanted to put a bullet into the batarian's skull, but as he had told the woman, everyone had to make some sacrifice. Letting him go was his sacrifice of the day.

After getting married, he wanted to hit the pools, needing some time away from everything and just relax. Then, maybe, he could convince Jeff to hit Purgatory, maybe he could sneak in a kiss and let Aria see it, some kind of a bitchy payback. And somehow, he was sure the crew got wind of this all and would probably end up doing something... funny. He had to smirk, remembering his own present for Saya and Kaidan.

And then it was time to face the music. Good music though, he sat and listened to the little speeches, glanced at Joker, held his hand and squeezed it gently from time to time while his heart hammered away. He wondered if anyone could hear it. The last time it had thudded away like this was when he had to rush past the Reaper on Tuchanka.

After saying the vows he grinned sheepishly, because now they could kiss. While not minding to tease his man a little in front of a very few friends, this audience was a little large and he knew there were just waiting to see some real action. But giving them the view of a hot searing kiss wasn't an idea he liked. Instead he poured all his love into a gentle one, which wouldn't cause them any other embarrassments, but show their love instead.

Once they broke the kiss, Jase rested his forehead on Jeff's and gave him a wide smile, while gently caressing the hair over his right ear. "I love you. You make me happy," he whispered.

Joker was blushing but he also didn't want to break the contact with Jase.

"Love you too," he whispered back.

Irimsaya started hooting and clapping loudly, the other guests joining her right away.

"About time!!" She yelled over the crowd and got laughter from quite a few people.

Jase just laughed and rolled his eyes a little. He had to admit he did feel a little bit embarrassed. He took Jeff's hand and led him to the little waiting crowd, knowing his duties.

Irimsaya took both men in her arms and hugged them both tightly then gave them both a kiss on the cheek.

"Congratulations to you both, I'm so happy for you!"

Kaidan came along behind her and hugged them too.

"Yeah you guys don't get a kiss from me sorry." He laughed.

"Don't worry, we've got that covered." Jase just laughed and clapped him on the back. Half of their crew were there and he invited all of them for dinner later and after that to Purgatory. 

Jase kept an eye on his man, making sure he was alright, especially with so many people around them. 

But eventually, after shaking many hands and all that, having dinner and partying at the club, this part was done too and he leaned in to whisper, "Ready to hit the pools?"

Joker looked tired but excited at the same time.

"Hell yes, I can't wait."

Before Jase would kind of disappear for a very few hours with his pilot, he went and spoke to his crew one by one once more and lastly ended up with Saya and Kaidan. Knowing everything was fine and that they'd inform him if anything came up, he was finally able to hit the pool. 

  


Irimsaya finished a dance with James, surprised the burly marine could move so well to a slow song then she found herself back in Kaidan's arms for another one. She was getting tired but there was no way she was going to admit it. 

Kaidan took Saya over to some of the couches then, the music was loud and all the lights started to bother him. Their crew could still mingle and Kaidan knew they could go back to their ship if needed.

Irimsaya glanced at her husband and frowned as she saw the tightness around his eyes.

"Okay next time you tell me not let me guess. Let's get you outta here."

"Yes, okay. I'm sorry if I.. messed up your evening," Kaidan apologized.

"You haven't Kaidan. You never could. Want me to get you the Normandy and do your massage?"

Kaidan gave her a soft chuckle. "Yes. I would like that. But don't think I'm doing this on purpose, please."

"Whyever would I think you're doing this on purpose Kaidan?" As she led him back to the ship. "I have no reason to think that. You've been under a lot of stress lately and soon you're gong to have a wife who looks like she swallowed a pumpkin."

"Mmmh, it's a good pumpkin, I love it. And if I remember correctly, I put that one into you." But she was right about the stress and today they had some time to actually breathe. "Would you like me to come with you when you're doing the evening round?"

Irimsaya smiled at her husband and nodded.

"It would be nice to have some company for a change. And you can protect me from Allers. She's been bugging me for an interview."

Kaidan raised his eyebrows at her, he remembered Jase stating the same. "If she harasses both of you it might be time to show her the door?"

Irimsaya snorted softly as she entered their cabin.

"I'd love to throw her out the nearest airlock to be honest with you Kaidan. Every time you guys go on a mission she tries to hunt me down. Samantha hinted that she's after a story about a pregnant marine. So I've been avoiding her to the best of my ability. Liara's helped with that." Saya smiled as she remembered how Liara managed to keep her hidden from Allers. "Although I don't think I want to hide in the dark depths of engineering for the whole mission."

Kaidan pulled a face, he hadn't known. It irked him greatly to think of Saya actually being harassed by a reporter. "I'm very glad Liara and Samantha were helping you. Have you told Jase?" 

Irimsaya shook her head.

"Jase has enough to deal with. I'm a soldier Kaidan, I can handle her. Even if it requires hiding on occasion."

Kaidan nodded. "Okay. But if she gives you too much trouble, I will go and have a word with her myself. No one goes after my pregnant wife." He was a little bit miffed and found Aller's behaviour very insulting.

Irimsaya looked at him in amusement.

"I've never seen you so protective of me Kaidan. I kinda like it."

Kaidan frowned a little but gave her a smile then. "I always am, actually, but.. not really acting on it unless I feel it is necessary. And right now I think it is, because she doesn't appear to keep herself in check. She is with the Alliance now and she should know better."

"Easy big boy, I can handle her if I need to. Believe me on that one." Saya hid a yawn behind her hand. "Let's get these rounds over with before I fall over. As it is I'm going to have to find a tailor soon - my uniform is starting to get tight."

Kaidan nodded and wondered about the tailor comment. He hadn't noticed any changes yet. But he knew she'd know her body better than he did.

  


Jase held out his hand for Joker to take it, easing him into the water while Jase himself felt no desire at all to swim.

Joker laughed as he realized what Jase had in mind.

"Are you sure? This place is public..."

Jase smiled at him. "Relax, Jeff. We'll be fine. Just relaxing with you."

Joker grinned at Jase as he swam away from him.

"Well damn and here I thought you'd arranged for it to be just the two of us in here all night.."

Jase chuckled, watching Jeff swimming around. The guy was so predictable. "They're just closing."

Joker looked thoughtful then launched some water in Jase's direction.

"Hey..!" Jase laughed now as Joker was being playful. He could play, too and splashed some water back.

Joker laughed loudly.

"You missed me!!"

"My aim is great, you know that!" Jase laughed and tried again. But maybe it was not when it came to throwing water.

"HA! You think your aim is good? That's your drone you're thinking of!" Joker teased his new husband.

Jase laughed. "Don't insult my drone, it doesn't have a name at least. Maybe I should call it "Jeff"?" 

It had been funny watching Tali talking to her drone. 

"'Go Jeff, go get them! Go for the optics, Jeff!' Might give the enemy a good laugh."

Jeff splashed more water at Jase.

"You wouldn't dare!"

Jase laughed loudly. "Watch the feed next time."

Just then Traynor's voice came over his comm. "Commander, the pool is all yours. Doors are closed and being guarded. Have a good night, sir." Jase just could picture her grinning face and at that moment more than half of the lights were shut off, leaving them in a more romantic kind of light.

"Wait... to ourselves? Really? How??" Joker was flabbergasted.

"Present from Traynor and crew." He explained, leaving out the fact that apparently many, including his sister, were worried about him as well. And quite honestly, Jase was glad to have some time away from it all and just to be with Joker and forget everything else for a few hours. Recharging his batteries.

Joker sighed happily as he relaxed in the pool with Jase, getting out only when he felt like he was becoming a prune.


	9. Rannoch

### Rannoch

Jase was staring again at the galaxy map, just having punched in the course to the Quarians. They needed help, had a problem with the Geth. He had a bad feeling. Something told him the Quarians had been so stupid and had gone to war with the Geth.

Several jumps later and after having reached the Flotilla, his fears had been confirmed and Jase called Saya to the war room.

Irimsaya moved quickly to the war room when she received the summons from her brother.

"Jase? What is it?"

"Have a look. The geth dreadnaught's sending a reaper signal. I'll board it and disable it." He went on to explain some more but was stopped by Saya.

"No this time I'm going. With you and Kaidan. If it's disabled then there's no harm in the three of us going over to it." Saya saw the argument on his lips. "I'm going with you."

Jase leaned closer, face darkening a little and pointed at the hologram. " **No**. That dreadnaught is under constant fire by the Quarians." Jase sighed, knowing she needed some kind of action too. "If it makes you feel any better, watch my ass from here. Keep an eye on everything." Or on the admirals, he thought.

Irimsaya glared at him then threw her hands up.

"Fine!"

She walked out of the war room, knowing there wasn't a damned thing she could do from the ship except feel helpless if she watched the feed. Saya went to the mess hall and sat at one of the tables, not even wanting to face Kaidan now and she groaned, putting her face in her hands, when Allers found her.

Jase just shook his head in silent defeat. He was having enough problems and Saya, he had hoped she'd understand, support him even. But not by giving him a hard time, causing him having to tell her off and down. Jase left the war room to get ready for the mission, taking Kaidan with him. Tali had kind of demanded a place on his squad already, but he couldn't blame her.

  


Diana Allers was sure it would be a good idea to present her readers with a story of a pregnant marine who was still serving on a spaceship. Especially when it was Commander Shepard.

While it was extremely hard to get hold of her brother, batting her eyelashes nor presenting her behind to him hadn't worked (only too late she understood why) she was now hoping to score a point with his sister. If she could talk to her about children, maybe she would be offered with the chance of an interview. Later on she could still try to get her important interview with the current leading Shepard done, once he wasn't busy with.. whatever it was he did in his cabin.

Diana smiled and approached the Commander, aware of the eyes following her as her high heels clicked on the floor with every step. Mostly men, of course. She was once again dressed in her tight sleeveless dress, having ignored Shepard's order to adjust her dress code. She just felt too warm in them and hadn't bothered wearing normal alliance military clothes today.

"Commander Shepard. Do you have a minute for me?"

Saya looked at the other woman and snorted a bit.

"I thought I've made it clear that I really don't want to talk to you Miss Allers. Not to mention if I speak of this to either my husband, my brother or my new brother-in-law I have a strong feeling that you'll be left on the first habitable planet."

Despite the hostile comment Allers sat down. She wouldn't take notes or film her. But she hadn't heard any word yet from the Commander either which said, 'Do not talk to my sister.'

"So, you do not agree with other women who wish to be relieved of duty as soon as they are pregnant? You could be the very new role model of this century. A strong woman, fighting for the galaxy and carrying a child at the same time."

"You really can't take a hint can you. Or perhaps the words 'get lost' might have more meaning for you?" Saya's eyes were narrowed and it was clear she was angry.

"Is there a problem here?" Liara sat down next to her friend, her eyes on Allers

Allers saw her time was over. But she had a lot of things to write about now. This Commander Shepard was... hostile. She stood up and smiled at both of them.

"Why? No, of course not. Thank you for your time, Commander. It was very helpful."

Irimsaya stared at Allers as she left.

"Crap," she muttered under her breath, "that can't be good."

"I would not worry about her Shepard." Liara put a hand on her shoulder. "And if you do not tell the Major or the Commander about this encounter, then I will."

"Liara.."

"You know I will."

"Yeah... yeah I know. I'll talk to one of them - when the time is right."

"No, you will inform them as soon as they return."

"But.."

"There are no buts in this part of the conversation. Either you do it or I, I do not care how they find out or from which one of us - but I will not allow that 'woman' to ambush you again."

Liara stayed with Saya, keeping her company and eventually invited her into her room and kind of began to instruct her on how to use the terminals, while answering all her questions. Judging by the shown interest she figured it would help her to feel useful again and she would have a helping hand as well.

  


With a grunt Jase jumped out of the geth ship Legion just had piloted into the Normandy's hangar. To say he was pissed off was an understatement and he stalked off angrily, while getting rid of his helmet. It was one thing to protect people, but to actually _fire_ on the person who was trying to save the whole darn Flotilla, let alone the goddamn galaxy was... bad. Being forced into the role of the diplomat and politician he knew he had to swallow it down and play nice. For the sake of all of them. 

But first things first. He took a shower and got changed. And Allers had sent him a message again, asking for that darn interview. He could spare the ten minutes needed for it and called her up. 

  


Jase wanted to facepalm, he should have known better. Asking him about Cerberus. Now was the best time though to finish up with any rumours and just get the truth out there. And then, after what seemed like an eternity, she was finally done. Only to say something like "following him home." Didn't she get it?

"Look Allers, let's keep this professional." Jase bit his tongue to keep himself from saying more. Like, pointing out he was gay and married, for christ's sake! As the door closed behind her he rubbed his face with a sigh. Time to face the music in the war room.

  


Irimsaya thanked Liara for her time and left the Asari's office/cabin only to bump right into Kaidan.

"Oof... Kaidan.. you're uhm.. back already?"

Liara stepped out of her cabin and crossed her arms.

"Shepard. Remember what I said earlier."

"Yes Liara, I haven't forgotten." Saya mumbled under her breath knowing that the other woman would hear her.

"We have been gone for a few hours. Are you.. alright? I didn't hurt you, did I." He wasn't sure if he should tell her about the dreadnought getting attacked while they were on board.

"I'm fine, you could never hurt me." Saya smiled but it was shaky. "I uhm..."

"Shepard." Liara spoke softly.

"I know Liara!" She glanced at her friend then back to Kaidan. "Allers came to me while you guys were gone."

"Our pesky reporter?" Kaidan glanced from Saya to Liara and back, usually it was the other way around, Saya or Jase would make Liara do stuff... "She's still on the ship? I thought.. well. Whatever it was, it didn't happen."

"She refused to leave the Commander alone until I intervened, Major. I do not think it should happen again." Liara had anger in her eyes. "And she seems to be up to something now. I am monitoring all her communications."

Irimsaya rubbed her eyes, that news was a surprise to her.

Kaidan stepped into Liara's room, letting the door close behind him. "Why is she here anyway? There are just some news reports coming out from her." He was getting suspicious now and shook his head.

"She was asking me about being in the marines and being pregnant." Irimsaya's voice was soft.

"It seemed to be.. what is the term...'off the record' - but there was something about the conversation that struck me as odd." Liara stated.

"Shouldn't we include Jase? I mean.. well.. wait. Forget about it. He's got enough on his plate. What was odd, Liara?"

"That she nearly seemed happy when Shepard was getting mad at her. She would not listen to reason and I too was thinking of raising my voice." Liara said softly. "Either that or shoot her of course."

Kaidan nodded. "Okay.. maybe Edi can monitor every step of her while you are watching her communications? Or what else could we do. Unless Jase tells her to leave the ship." Kaidan thought she maybe was a mole, too. "What if she's spying on us?"

Irimsaya started pacing, not liking where their thinking was going.

"She's a journalist. She wants news. And apparently I just showed her some bad judgment in the mess hall. She'll use that against me and try to get me kicked out."

"Kick you out? You've got to be kidding. You told her no and she crossed the line. It could very well be the other way around. Maybe she just wants insider information and puts out some scandal, or slanders our names." Of course it would be more or less slander on the name 'Shepard', but Kaidan considered himself to be one of them by now.

Irimsaya sat down heavily on one of Liara's chairs.

"Just what I need. Just what Jase needs. This is a war damn it, we should all be sticking together!"

She winced and held her stomach for a minute.

"Hey, don't take it too serious, you and our baby don't need the stress. Let Liara and me handle this, shouldn't hurt to ask Garrus too if you want." Kaidan knew Garrus wouldn't like it either and he had been with C-Sec.

Irimsaya closed her eyes then looked at them.

"If Liara hadn't stepped in Kaidan I might have hit her. Hard."

While he wasn't violent, Kaidan knew he probably would have done the same to protect his wife.

"Well, I think I would have had a hard time too to keep my biotics in check." He sighed deeply and thought it best to take her mind off these things. "Would you like to have dinner with me, Liara, would you like to join us?"

Liara chuckled softly.

"Under normal circumstances I would consider it an honour, Major. But - your spouse needs you. That must come first. Perhaps another time?"

Kaidan nodded and gave her a smile. "It would be nice, Liara. And thank you for helping Saya, you're a great friend to all of us. Just don't be a stranger. There's a poker table on this ship." He chuckled a little.

Liara turned and looked at him.

"Poker? I do not think I am familiar with this. Is it some kind of game?"

Irimsaya groaned at that.

"Kaidan, be nice to her if you play." She stood up and hugged her Asari friend. "Thanks again Liara - for keeping me occupied too. I had a good time."

Kaidan turned his head while being dragged outside by his wife. "Tomorrow evening, at eight. You know where the bar is? Join us." He laughed a little after Saya tugged again at his arm.

"I'll meet you both there!" Liara called after them, laughing as she watched Saya drag Kaidan away.

"Tell me what happened. Liara was keeping me occupied but I was still worried." Saya said as they walked towards the war room and Jase.

"About what? Our mission? It was a success, we found your geth friend. Legion."

"Legion?? He's okay? I'm so glad to hear that." Saya allowed herself a small smile. "But nobody got hurt right?"

"We all should be fine. Legion is down in the war room. I think Jase is already gone again, said something about having to get an admiral off the planet when he passed me."

Irimsaya stopped in her tracks, looking a little disappointed.

"Oh.. was hoping to.." She growled slightly when she saw Allers approaching. "Kaidan - our cabin. Now. Please."

Kaidan nodded, no time for food apparently and he followed her, after managing to snatch some fruits off the table. "You were hoping to.. what?"

"Just sit with both of you for awhile, no interruptions. Then was thinking when Joker got off-duty it could be the four of us. A kind of family night in a way. I want to make a habit of that. Being together at least one night a week." She rubbed her stomach as she sat down. "Definitely need new pants."

"I would like that and..," Kaidan replied, while watching her rub it. Then he handed her a fruit. "Maybe next time we hit the Citadel we go shopping for you?"

Irimsaya snatched it and ate quickly.

"Mmmm thanks needed that. Yeah shopping sounds good - if we ever get back there. If not Liara said she might be able to get some for me. By the way - Chakwas is a bit concerned at the fact that I'm already starting to show."

"What's.. that supposed to mean. You're a normal woman. Not some... I don't know.. scary Edi-like.. thing. Or something."

Irimsaya bit her lip, a sly smile on her face.

"Uhm.. well... she's wondering if it might be twins..."

Kaidan's jaw kind of dropped and he forgot to eat his own fruit. "Twins..? Two?" He blinked, staring at her stomach. That poor woman would.. explode... "Uhm.. I don't envy you now. I mean, great!" he laughed a little. "But.. wow." They would be having two babies, wow.

Irimsaya just raised an eyebrow, not sure if he was happy or not.

"Are you sure? I mean.. you don't sound exactly thrilled with the news.."

He was happy, he just was... shocked? "I am happy. I am, but.. you're so small and. Twins? They need a lot of room," he waved towards her belly, "in there. I'm just worried about you and.. our kids." He blinked, suddenly glad there was something to sit down. Had he just scored the jackpot?

She leaned over to him and kissed him gently.

"I'll be fine. Chakwas will be monitoring me every step of the way and so will Liara. They won't let anything happen to us. Not to mention I have the augments. I'll be okay I promise sweetie."

Kaidan nodded. Augments, he wondered if they could expand or something. "I'm glad they are. I hope I won't faint when you're in labour, though."

Irimsaya laughed a little and grinned.

"I don't think you'll faint. You're a big strong man who is apparently very fertile." She was surprised she managed to say that with a straight face.

"Fertile," Kaidan gave her a good laugh. "Who says it's just me? Could have been you, too."

"Me? Hey - you placed the order, I just handle the filling and delivery of said order." Saya grinned broadly.

"Yeah, but you have the eggs you know that, don't you. I'm just.. well.. I had the, uh.., juice." By now he was blushing bright red.

Irimsaya decided it was time to let him off the hook and kissed him soundly.

"Relax, I'm teasing. You need to get braver with that sweetie. So - how do we break this to their uncles?"

Kaidan chuckled, returning the kiss. "Hey.. I'm relaxed.. I think. We just tell them? Oh hey, by the way, we are having twins."

Irimsaya giggled into the kiss.

"He's gonna flip.."

Kaidan chuckled and grabbed her carefully. "We're lucky you know, we've got a few helping hands. Bed? I'll get us something to eat, I think the kitchen still got some sandwiches hidden away."

"Mmm food. Yes please. We're hungry." She grinned and kissed him again.

Kaidan disappeared for about 20 minutes, having found out that Edi and Javik were gone now and James was back raiding the kitchen as well. Kaidan shook his head a little once he was back at their quarters and handed Saya a pack of sandwiches. "Brought you some tea. Edi and Javik are on a mission."

"Thanks." Saya took the drink and offered food and ate slowly. "Wonder what mission? I haven't heard anything. You?"

Kaidan shook his head while unwrapping his sandwich. "Second mission. James said Legion went with them. And," he took a bite, swallowed it down and repeated, "Edi and Javik."

Irimsaya put her food down with a heavy sigh.

"I am so SICK of being stuck on the ship Kaidan!"

Kaidan kept eating and was watching her. Telling her that he was fine with her not being in danger at the moment wouldn't help it. "You'll be back in action soon. Then we're flying across the galaxy, Jase is our nanny and you rescue, I don't know.. some slaves off some random planet and shoot some mercs."

Irimsaya sighed and finished her food then got up and started to pace.

"This just feels all wrong to me. Letting other people put themselves in danger without me being there to protect them."

"That's the mother speaking in you and Jase is protecting all of us too. You two aren't so much different." Kaidan stiffled a yawn, he was tired and now he wondered how Jase would be doing. Three missions in a row, the man clearly was on a roll. "How about we go to bed?"

Rubbing her eyes she nodded slowly.

"Alright, I guess I am a bit tired. Although if I get that nightmare again I won't sleep again until this is over."

Kaidan nodded, but he knew she should think about something else than this.

  


There hadn't been any time to waste. Not with so many ships and lives in danger and Koris who had crashed on Rannoch. Jase went up to the bridge, just to see Joker for a minute and have a quick chat. His man had shown once again what a great pilot he was and obviously had kept him a little occupied with small talk while he had to walk the space into the geth ship. It had at least produced a small smile onto his face. Jase had known Joker would worry once the Quarians had started shooting at him.

"Rannoch, Jeff. Take us there." He leaned down and gave him a kiss, the only feelings he could show at the moment. "Edi, get ready. Meet me at the shuttle in ten minutes."

Jase watched as Joker changed course and he wished he had more time, again. "Good work, Jeff," he said and padded his shoulder gently, then he left and let James know he'd want him on the mission, too.

  


About two hours later Jase was back, having dropped off Admiral Koris at one of the quarian ships. At least this job had been easy so far. But watching a quarian die was not his idea of fun, but it also was unfortunate in a war. With a sigh Jase told Garrus to suit up and asked Liara to come with him. It was time to shut down the geth server. It was probably crawling with hostile geth and he was prepared for a heavy fight, but not for being told to actually enter their world and especially not to be told while he was already on the shuttle. There wasn't anything he could do now though, he had to agree to it. He just would have preferred to know sooner about it.

The world was... amazing in its own, to watch the geth memories was.. enlightening and also somewhat overwhelming. Once he had cleared the reaper infections and the nodes were cleaned one by one he was more than happy to leave it and be back in his own world. And it had worked. The lifeships were safe.

  


Back on the Normandy, after rushing through his shower he was in the comm room, speaking with Admiral Xen about the mission and was more than happy to tell her how he got the geth to work with him: "They volunteered." 

Jase shut down the comm and just stood there for a moment, he had a lot to process now and his sense of time had been totally messed up now. Was Joker off duty... no he wouldn't. But the geth were no danger anymore, at least. His stomach growled and he tried to remember when he had eaten last. He had eaten an energy bar. How long had he been in the network anyway? And there were reports to fill as well, messages to check and. Well. The Reaper base needed to be destroyed. Another energy bar would do and messages could wait. If there had been something important Traynor would have told him. Jase hit the comm and told Javik and Tali to meet him at the shuttle. There was a Reaper which needed to be driven off the homeworld.

  


Jase stepped off the shuttle, feeling... He frowned, couldn't say what exactly he felt. Even Cortez glanced at him while Javik just left, muttering something about how they could trust machines and he should have kicked it out of the airlock while there still had been time. 

Jase had left Tali on the homeworld, she would come back later, he had given her a few hours to stay on Rannoch. And Legion.. well. Jase scratched his head and straightened up, but no, that hadn't been a good idea as his back cracked and sent jolts of pain through his lower body. His back really started to protest by now and having fallen off and down and being tossed around in another explosion was clearly not something his body appreciated. Truthfully, he had lost count on how often he had fallen down somewhere now since he'd taken over command of the Normandy. It was as if someone had something against him. Bad luck? Maybe. Another trip to med bay was it - again. It was getting old.

  


Irimsaya got up and left the cabin, letting Kaidan sleep. Being stuck on the ship all the time was taking it's toll on her. She felt like she was going insane - even with the distraction Liara had tried.

  


Once changed and after talking to Dr. Chakwas Jase got himself something to eat and stuffed it onto one of his pockets before he headed off to the comm room, where the asari councilor was waiting for him. She had an offer apparently and wanted to see him in Udina's room on the Citadel. A break was a good idea, he could restock on supplies, too. Talk to Miranda as well. Jase yawned and rubbed his eyes. The N7 training had been extremely hard and tiring, but he was reaching his limits here now. Sleep was needed, at least a few hours, two or three. Jase hit the comm.

"Jeff, set a course to the Citadel. I'm trying to get some sleep."

" _Aye aye, Commander,"_ came the prompt reply which brought a small smile onto his lips. It still was on his face when he reached the CIC. Jase nearly didn't see Saya when the elevator door opened, she was a welcomed sight though.

"Hi sis."

Irimsaya looked at him before stepping out.

"Hi."

No smile, just a nearly formal 'hi'. Not good.

"Something happened?" Jase asked, watching her fast retreating back and punched the button to keep the door from closing. Something was off. More problems, apparently

"Other than I feel like I'm going insane? Oh no everything's just peachy. By the way - you're going to be an Uncle twice in one go."

"That's.. nice. Congratulations, twins?" He gave her a smile, body too tired to show the surprise he felt at these news. They all would have their hands full. "Means I have some more shopping to do."

Irimsaya forced herself to smile before walking away from the elevator with her head bowed.

Something was definitely up, he could feel it, but he didn't have the power right now to go after her. After all it was his sister, his own copy and he knew whatever it was, she would either come to him and talk, or she'd deal with it and put it behind her. But he wanted to talk to her, tell her about what had happened. Legion was gone. Dead. Peace was made between the geth and quarians and Rannoch was freed. The elevator door closed and Jase didn't know what to feel first, anger, sadness, happiness, or being tired? He slumped against the wall, thinking about Saya. He had needed her, but she was facing her own demons.

Once he had slipped out of his clothes, they were strewn all over the floor, Jase fell into his bed and slept for four hours straight. When he woke up his brain was refusing to shut up, filling him with thoughts, scenarios, Legion, his own world, the worries and fears, the Reapers, their future and if he could win them this war. The very top of his head started to burn and he knew he wouldn't find any more sleep.

Jase figured he'd make himself useful and got up. Jeff was nowhere to be seen in his cabin, sadly. He missed him. Sniffing his armpits Jase knew he needed to take at least a quick shower, then he checked his terminal and decided to tour the ship. Only to run straight away into Allers who wanted to talk about the peace he had forged. Not having the nerve to deal with her more than necessary he agreed and insisted on taking the interview down in her own hole, since he'd been close to it. Afterwards he was keeping Adams some company before he thought of Saya and went to find her.

Irimsaya went to the only place on the ship where she knew she would have some privacy. Jack's favourite place to be. She sat down on one of the conduits there and put her face in her hands.

Jase was about to give up. He was tired and a little grumpy by now. Asking Edi where to find her was a wise thing to do. Upon hearing the answer Jase rubbed his head and went back down, he should have known to look there, if anything was really amiss he'd hide out down there too. Which meant, something was terribly wrong. 

"Would you rather be left alone?" Jase asked her softly, before he thought about sitting down next to her.

Irimsaya slowly raised her head to look at him, her eyes red and swollen.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't be chained to this ship anymore. I'm a damned soldier and I can't even fight anything! Yeah, sure, everyone's trying to take my mind off it - great - but it really doesn't help Jase. It doesn't. And I don't know how much longer I can go on like this."

Jase sat down next to her and padded her leg gently. He could have said the same, for him it just was the other way around but he too was starting to push his limits.

"We're at the Citadel soon. The asari councilor wants to see me." She could leave the ship and breathe in some fresh air.

Saya rubbed her eyes and sighed. The Citadel. Joy.

"Am I really that useless to everyone now?" She wondered aloud. "I guess in a way I'm lucky then. Not. Good enough to wander the Citadel but not good enough to help any missions. I just get to sit back and watch my family take all the risks."

Jase stayed silent for a minute, not really having any decent thoughts on how to comfort her or whatever it would do to make her feel better. Eventually he settled for something, but was sure he would have missed the point again.

"We've secured peace between the geth and quarians. Rannoch is... the homeworld for both now."

"Well at least **you** can do some good in this." Her voice now showing that she was getting ready to just give up. Nobody understood what she was going through.

"I'd happily trade with you," Jase told her, studying the opposite wall.

Saya just sighed heavily.

"Yeah and that's not gonna happen."

She stood up slowly, swaying a bit on her feet.

"Thanks for trying Jase. But there's nothing anyone can do now."

To say she was depressed was to put it mildly.

Jase was watching her and thought about pulling her back down and bit down the anger he always seemed to feel lately. "You have the greatest gift in you, carrying two growing lives. Out there is just death and destruction."

"A gift I wasn't ready for. Being confined to the ship Jase... I really do feel like I'm losing my mind."

He looked up at her thoughtfully. 

"I don't think anyone is ever ready for a child, or two," he sighed. 

"Do you really want to see what's going on out there. I get what you're saying, but..." he stopped himself and looked at the floor. Stopped himself from saying the Normandy was most likely the safest place right now in the whole galaxy, that she should be glad actually that he wasn't giving her all the horrid details in fear of losing her and the babies. 

He could show her his screen, or tell her he sacrificed many civilians to get one Admiral off Rannoch. Or he and Legion sacrificed a whole geth server to give the rest of their people a chance. Or Legion himself. Or risking the quarians while he desperately tried to call off the fleets until they finally listened. It could have been a lot worse, too. He could have lost the Quarians as well.

"How could I help you, let you monitor my messages?" It wouldn't do though, he was sure.

"No. Been there and done that. Nobody can help me it seems."

"Ugh... What? You monitored my messages?" That was new. He didn't know, when had she done this?

"It was awhile ago. With Jeff."

"Okay...," he frowned. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"My messages, why did you monitor them?" He was watching her now. "Is there something I should know?"

"Joker just thought it would help me. Like I said though it was awhile ago. Long before I started feeling so...useless."

"Useless? That's how you think of yourself?" Jase asked her, voice showing his surprise and a little bit of the anger he felt.

Irimsaya just nodded sadly.

Jase sighed softly. She shouldn't feel this way. She was far away from being useless. "You aren't. You and Jeff are my strength. I know it's not what you want to hear. But you have a purpose. Keeping our family together."

"At least Jeff can fly the ship. At least he can HELP." She at down again, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

"You know strategics as good as I do. Go to the war room, or use my cabin. All the information is there. On my screen. Help Hackett coordinating defenses. Just.. don't look at the numbers."

"Everybody on this ship has a purpose. I don't. I'm not a strategist, I'm a fighter."

"Then find a way to fight! For us! And your children!" 

He got up, feeling annoyed now. More at himself for not being to solve her problem, than he was angry with her. 

"You want to fight out there? Good! Then go, but don't come crying to me if they are gone. You want a purpose? You already have one. Those two in there need you. They want their mommy. They have a chance of surviving because you are here, on this ship. And I'm making sure they have a future. _With you_." 

Jase was shaking now, all these emotions and other feelings he couldn't feel were giving him a hard time. And to think she'd willingly risk her life. And well. He had to grow up all by himself, alone. But he probably got it all wrong though and he knew it. "Just.. give them that chance, _please_."

Irimsaya stared at him in shock. She had nothing to answer him with. He was the first one to even go that route with her... And for now, at least, it had worked.

Jase was watching her for a while, the silence was.. weird. "If I crossed the line, I'm sorry."

"You didn't. I understand why you said it and where you are coming from with it. I just wish people would understand my position too." She smiled but still with sadness. "Thanks."

Jase sighed deeply and held out his hand for her. "Trust me, I'd be the same. Just not pregnant. We need to find you some work."

Irimsaya gently took his hand.

"Yeah...We really really do."

"I'm fine with anything that doesn't involve you getting shot at. Or shot. Or running, lifting.. What would you like to do?" What would he like to do, he could hang out in the engineer room, but Saya was a pure soldier. Maybe she could train some of their people. Check weapons, work together with Cortez and James.

"You do realize that you just eliminated nearly everything right?"

With a sigh Jase scratched his head. "There's that. Hell. Everytime I go down to the cargo bay I see Cortez fixing the shuttles or fiddling around with the guns. And you like guns. And James," he wondered if he should tell her, after all he should not tell anyone about it. "let's just say he's been considered for a new career after this."

Irimsaya looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Why is that - James I mean."

"Come with me to my cabin." He also had the feeling the friendship Cortez and Vega shared came from the mission James had been on.

"Alright." She followed him as he requested.

Jase let her sat down and told her about James' mission and the N7 program.

"He's got a tattoo on his back now."

Irimsaya rubbed her forehead.

"You've got to be kidding me.."

"He can get as many tattoos as he wants to." He knew she wasn't talking about the tattoos though. "He's a good soldier Saya."

"I have to take your word on that one. I haven't fought with him at all."

Jase nodded. "Watch a feed when he's out there with me. He's like... you. Just needs more training."

"More training huh... In which area do you think? He's like me - point, shoot and ask questions later."

Jase chuckled. "You said it yourself, the ask questions later. And diplomatic skill." Like trusting Legion.

Irimsaya sighed softly but nodded. This would, indeed, be a challenge from the sound of it.

"Alright, I will give it a shot."

Jase nodded and was glad to hear it. "He won't get a better teacher." 

But then he sighed heavily. He seemed to do a lot of sighing lately, but he couldn't keep it from her forever even if he wanted to. Chances were someone else would tell her. It was better she heard about Koris, the geth and Legion from him. 

And so he told her. He left out the falling off a ledge thing, but included having killed a Reaper and that it knew his name. Also, how Tali was able to take off her mask. In the end, he still couldn't put a finger onto his own feelings. Actually, he felt nothing, no grief, no happiness, nothing. Aside of that little outburst with Saya earlier on.

"I'm sorry about Legion. It, he.. gave the geth a purpose to live."

"Why do I never get to say goodbye to them..." She sighed. "Jase. I do have one concern and you can't tell Kaidan - promise me that before I tell you."

"Okay, shoot." It sounded serious though, he wondered what it was. Couldn't be about the babies though he hoped.


	10. Fighting off Cerberus

"I'm worried that the Illusive Man might come after me for them.. actually I'm more than worried... I'm scared."

Jase leaned back with a sigh and crossed his arms, she had a point. "So, they have to get past me first. We haven't heard from them in a while, have we." Which made him wonder now what they were up to. Surely they'd hear something somewhere about them. Rather sooner than later.

Irimsaya put a protective hand over her stomach.

"But what if you're on a mission Jase? What if they attack the Normandy? Maybe I'm just being silly, I don't know.."

"We have a lot of good soldiers, the best ship and Edi."

"So... you're not gonna tell Kaidan right? I want this just between us."

"I won't. Look, don't stress yourself out over this. They lost a lot of good men already. Whatever the Illusive Man is up to, it doesn't involve kidnapping the whole ship. Not anymore."

"I'll try and calm down but.. it's a thought I just can't get rid of no matter how hard I try. So... tell me why you want me to talk to Cortez."

He nodded at her, wondering if he could set up something with Edi, to keep monitoring their surroundings.

"He's still working himself into the ground. He seemed to have moved on from his loss, but," Jase shrugged. 

Irimsaya made a little face.

"I'm not a shrink, Jase. I don't know what you would want me to do."

"You're right. Just, keep an eye on him for me." But sometimes it was good to have friends who cared.

Jase was watching the fish thoughtfully, last thing he wanted was Cortez thinking he'd be hitting on the man. Among other things. He had enough on his plate as well and James was friends with Steve, but he couldn't really give him an order, just advice. And Jase couldn't remember having seen him anywhere else on the ship, aside of fixing the shuttle, fiddling around with their weapons and organizing the supplies among those Jase had bought. 

"I'll do what I can." Saya replied as her stomach growled. "Oops.. apparently the kids are hungry."

"Thanks. " Jase gave her a soft smile. "Go, eat something. We'll be at the Citadel soon."

Irimsaya kissed his cheek gently then stood up.

"I'm guessing Kaidan's probably losing his mind trying to find me too. He was asleep when I left. Jase," She put a gentle hand on his cheek. "thanks for the talk. I really needed it I think."

"Anytime, sis." Jase watched her leave and continued to watch his fish for some time before he checked the time and thought it best to catch up on his messages among his other duties. It was long before he even realized that Joker was in their cabin and they were docked at the Citadel. Jase had been brooding over the reports, the fleets and their numbers. The blueprint and current state of the Crucible were on his terminal again while he continued to read the reports coming in from the scientists.

Joker came and plopped down next to him.

"So I just had a rather interesting conversation with Edi. Seems she's taken it into her mind to be my sister-in-law's bodyguard. You wouldn't have had anything to do with that now would you Jase?"

"Huh? Me? Nah. What did she say?" Jase answered and started to sort out all the datapads, piling them up in the right order. 

Jeff watched him for a minute.

"I think her exact words were: Just so you know Jeff, I will be protecting the children at any and all costs. Actually she kind of freaked me out when she said that. You know you've put those pads in order twice now right?"

Jase frowned a little, finally satisfied with it and turned towards him. "Nice. Why kind of freaking out? She's good in combat. Albeit Legion commented on her top being too heavy."

Joker snickered at that.

"To be honest it was the way she said it Jase. Almost like she thinks something's coming."

"Mhh. Okay. Thanks for telling me."

Jeff kissed him to distract him.

"I'm kinda wanting my husband right now you know..."

The distraction was more than welcomed, in fact very much needed. Jase felt lucky to have such a husband who knew what he needed most. Attention now fully on Joker, Jase gave him a smile and his desk wasn't interesting anymore.

"And this is what I need most right now, too."

  


Saya sat down in the mess with a plate of food that could have fed three people; which is where Kaidan eventually found her.

Raising nothing more than an eyebrow at the totally stuffed plate, Kaidan went and got himself something to eat. But hew knew Saya hadn't eaten a lot the evening before. 

Irimsaya was glad that Kaidan didn't ask her anything while she was eating. But once she was finished and looked at him, she noticed something in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"What?? I was hungry." Saya grinned sheepishly.

Kaidan swallowed down his coffee and figured he'd been busted again. "Well, if you were planning on winning the 'How much food can I stuff onto my plate' contest, I think you have just scored the first place."

Irimsaya made a face at him as she pushed the plate aside.

"I just went extremely hungry. I think the little ones might have influenced that a bit. Sorry if I worried you when I wasn't there when you woke up."

Kaidan nudged her a little and gave her a grin. "Eat all you want. Well, I asked Edi where you are. At first I thought you were in the bathroom, but once I figured out it was empty.. I kind of thought since the ship has an AI, I could ask it."

Irimsaya leaned against him with a sigh.

"Yes I've noticed she seems to be keeping close tabs on me.."

"I... don't mind her doing it. I'm kind of alright with it by now as she seems sincere. Anyway, what's the plan for today?"

"Well Jase has asked me to see if I can offer James some... training. You've been on missions with him haven't you? Can you tell me about him?"

"Training?" Kaidan looked surprised, but had the feeling he shouldn't ask more, or maybe Jase just wanted to keep her busy. He looked at her in thought. "Sometimes he draws a little bit too much fire, but I always thought he did this on purpose to keep the fire off Jase. But now that you mention it... might be worth trying to teach him a little bit more tactics. I think he's very skilled though. If he was a biotic, I'd teach him myself."

Irimsaya nodded thoughtfully.

"Tactics huh. Alright probably a good place to start. What do you think of our shuttle pilot?"

She started rubbing her stomach absentmindedly.

"Uuuh.. good guy, knows his job. He's our ear and eye in the air. Strikes me as very loyal." He frowned, not knowing a lot about him. "And he's friends with Vega, I think."

Irimsaya rubbed her forehead.

"Okay.. thanks Kaidan, I appreciate your input on this."

Edi walked into the mess then sat at the table across from them.

"Shepard. This body will be accompanying you where you go. Unless your brother or the major are with you."

"Edi that's not necessary.."

"I believe, as does Jeff, that it is. I overheard him talking to your brother in his quarters and they seemed to think it was a good idea with the thought of Cerberus possibly coming after you."

Irimsaya groaned and put her face in her hands.

"Excuse me?" Kaidan looked at them. Maybe the AI had gone insane now ...spying, protecting Saya... 

"Cerberus is after you? I thought we had driven them off."

"The Commander expressed a fear that perhaps Cerberus might come after her for the children."

"EDI!" Irimsaya glared at the AI.

"My apologies Commander but he is your mate and is it not customary to share your fears?"

Kaidan was standing up now, eyeing the two. "Shouldn't we be discussing this somewhere else, more private?" Kaidan began to feel a little angry now. "I want to know what's going on! Can we please take this to our quarters?"

Irimsaya glowered at Edi as she led Kaidan to their quarters, knowing if he could have he probably would have slammed the door shut. She stood silently in the middle of the room, waiting for his wrath and his questions.

Kaidan was pacing the length of their cabin, eyeing Saya from time to time before he made up his mind to talk. "Do you want to tell me what's going on here? Cerberus. The fear they're going after our children? And you aren't telling me about it, don't you trust me? And Jase neither?! And to top it off Edi's spying on them, us?"

"I just told Jase this morning Kaidan! TODAY! And apparently Edi was eavesdropping again because Jase and I were toying with the idea of her watching over me." Irimsaya went to her desk and handed Kaidan a communique she had received while he had been with Jase on one of their missions. "That came in. From The Illusive Man. He's intrigued with the idea that I'm even capable of having children."

Kaidan took it and read it. "The bastard's still not laying off you." But something needed to be done about the spying issue too, he didn't like it. Kaidan sighed. "So what do you suggest, let Edi do what she.. offered?"

"Let Edi do it. It will give you and Jase some piece of mind." Saya said in a resigned tone.

"Yeah, okay. I don't want to lose anyone of you. Once was hard enough." For this reason he was also glad Saya didn't have to fight out there.

"I didn't want you to worry.. I should have told you I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?"

She paused when her monitor beeped.

"Hold that thought sweetie." She checked it and paled. "I don't understand." She whispered. "How can he know.." Her eyes moved to Kaidan. "He sent me another message. Congratulating me on twins. How can he know Kaidan???"

Kaidan went to her and read the message himself. "I think we should check the ship and see if we can find anything that hints towards a mole..."

Saya actually felt herself trembling slightly.

"I trust everyone on this ship." She whispered. "Why would any of them do this.."

Kaidan nodded "I know Saya, but how could he know? We only have known about the twins for two days, Jase was at Rannoch and.. I don't know.. something is wrong."

Irimsaya closed her eyes and sank into the nearest chair, biting her lower lip.

"I think... Kaidan I think I'm scared."

Kaidan looked at her thoughtfully. "I'm going to Jase. Stay here." He turned to leave but paused. "I think having Edi as your bodyguard is... a really good idea. Now, after all.."

Kaidan motioned for Edi to go inside as he left. There was no way he was about to leave his wife alone now after finding out this information. He walked to Jase's cabin and knocked.

"Jase? Need to talk to you."

Jase entangled himself from Joker, stretching and yawning and got up while rubbing his eyes. 

"A second, please!" he called out and knew he'd feel the sweet result of their encounter all day long. He quickly threw on some pants and a shirt and scrubbed his face, realizing he had a headache while walking to his door.

"Kaidan," Jase said and stepped outside, letting it close behind him.

Kaidan watched him.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you. Edi let it slip to me about Cerberus and Saya and I have been talking about it for awhile. Then.. she received a message from The Illusive Man himself - congratulating her on twins. Jase - I think we have a major problem."

Jase was watching him and.. "What? He knows about the twins?" A major problem would be an understatement and also a problem which they wouldn't need right now. "Edi, check our communication logs. List anything suspicious. Even the tiniest bits!"

"I am already running an analysis Commander. I can assure you this is my top priority," Edi replied.

Kaidan started pacing the corridor.

"I'm glad that our AI wants to be Saya's bodyguard. Jase.. she admitted to me she was scared. She's **never** said that before."

Jase closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. Saya and scared meant trouble. TIM knowing about Saya meant even more trouble. "God damn it! Maybe Miranda knows something, I'm seeing her today." In fact he should get going, now that he was awake again and the asari councilor wanted to see him too.

Kaidan raised an eyebrow but nodded.

"If you don't mind asking her. I'll try and get Saya out onto the Citadel. Maybe I can get her mind off this somehow. Though at this point I'm open to suggestions."

"Maybe that'll work. Take James with you, too. He's a lot bigger and looks menacing. And packs a punch. Edi, anything?"

"Nothing of note in main logs. I am now scanning all secondary systems. If this person is a Cerberus spy they will have known how to hide their tracks. But I shall not rest until I have answers Commander."

Kaidan smiled a bit when he heard that. That AI was definitely dedicated to the crew that manned her.

"Well.." Kaidan scratched his head. "Taking James might be a good idea but it kind of negates the family time I was kind of hoping for. You know I can keep her safe. And I doubt Edi will let her out of her sight now."

"Double time it, Edi. And Kaidan, it wasn't a request, that was an order." Jase saw his face and went on. "I've lost enough people this week, I'm not taking any chances." 

Irimsaya was standing in the doorway of her cabin and heard most of the conversation.

"Giving my husband orders again Jase?" She smiled but it was shaky.

Jase sighed and nodded eventually. "Yeah." He could tell her to stay on the ship too, but he didn't want to at all, knowing she needed the time away from the ship as much as he did.

Irimsaya went to him and hugged him tightly.

"You're a good brother Jase."

"Shepard, I have found something." Edi interrupted, coming out of Saya's cabin. "There is indeed a signal eminating from within the ship."

It was a little weird that the voice now came from Saya's cabin, but instead talking to a wall he was now looking at her as Edi walked towards them.

"Edi, where?"

"It is emanating from within the female Shepard's body. I believe it to be one of the implants monitoring her health."

Saya paled considerably.

Jase eyed Saya up and down now. "Edi, cut it off! Jam it!"

"I am already attempting to do so - it is a very sophisticated signal."

Irimsaya backed away from them a bit, not sure what to think of this or where this could lead.

"For how long has this been active Edi," Jase wondered, it would make sense and explain a few things, too.

"It would appear that the signal has been transmitting since Cerberus reactivated the Commander."

Now Jase felt somewhat sick. The cold feeling in his stomach increased, making him feel weak in the knees. "Anything in your database which could help Dr. Chakwas to disable it for good?" 

"I am searching for anything that might be of assistance."

"I'm a security risk." Saya spoke softly. "Jase you know what you have to do."

Too afraid to even consider the other option, Jase replied, "I'll find a way to disable that signal." Last hope was Miranda, if he ever got to her.

Kaidan glanced at Jase.

"I'd still like to take her onto the Citadel if you're okay with that."

Jase sighed deeply and nodded eventually. "Edi, can you jam the signal while being on the Citadel, too?" 

Edi cocked her head to one side.

"I believe it will be possible but we should be prepared for a Cerberus agent to come seeking answers as to why it is no longer transmitting."

"If there's one on the Citadel," Jase nodded. "Alright, order stands. James goes with you. Edi, can you.. transmit but have the signal sending garbage while on the Citadel? Make it look dysfunctional. Add different points of origins to it." Of course TIM wouldn't really buy it, but anything to confuse them.

"I can make the attempt. However I do not believe that The Illusive Man will be fooled for long."

Irimsaya sighed softly and put her hand over her eyes.

Jase kept an eye on his sister. "I won't kick you off this ship."

Irimsaya hugged him tightly.

"Thank you." She whispered.

Jase knew he should have kicked her off the ship, but he just couldn't bring himself to. Also, he figured, the implant would have been sending signals since she had woken up. Jase sighed and nodded at Kaidan in understanding.

"I'll go and meet with Miranda. If... if you wanna keep some pressure off my shoulders, stay here on the ship. But if you want to hit the Citadel, I understand."

Irimsaya closed her eyes at Jase's words and went back to her cabin, knowing she would probably never get off the ship now - which just crushed her inside.

Kaidan grimaced and looked at Jase.

"Don't give me that look. I know! It's hard enough already." Jase turned, needing to get ready now and he knew Kaidan would take along James and Edi if they would leave the ship. That alone made him feel somewhat better.

"Keep me updated on what she decides. Let's hope Miranda has the answer we need. And Edi, block that goddamn signal. It's broadcasting the location of the ship! Any messages sent to my sister from the Illusive Man, forward them to my terminal."

"I will do so Shepard." Edi stated before going and standing outside Saya's closed door. "However I will not go in that room first."

Jase nodded and went back into his own room, getting dressed and hurried off to the Citadel. He was still very angry and the first meeting was with the asari councilor. Once it was over and he was on the way Jase just shook his head about the news the asari just had given him. An important artifact on Thessia could help them with the Crucible as they still needed the Catalyst. And they had been keeping it a secret for so long. He only hoped it wasn't too late now. 

Second stop was Miranda, she had finally arrived and updated his nav point. With a sigh he went to the apartments and entered the room. After hearing her out he agreed to give her access to the Alliance resources.

"I have a problem, Miranda. An implant is sending updates to the Illusive Man about my sister's health. I want it disabled."

Miranda stared at him in shock.

"One of the implants?? I checked everything myself there was nothing when I was installing them into her body... unless it was dormant until she was breathing again. Alright well I sort of expected he would do something. Just not this. Here..." She handed him a datapad. "Hopefully Dr. Chakwas will be able to make use of that for her."

Jase scrolled it through, most of it he barely understood, but it was loaded with tech. He nodded at her. "Miranda, I really appreciate your help. And you know you don't have to do whatever it is alone. Once this is all over, maybe we can back together as old friends."

Jase already was thinking of reaching Kaidan over his comm once he was done.

Kaidan put a finger to his ear when Jase's voice came over the comm. They were in the apartment section of the Citadel and Jase could hear weapons fire.

"Jase! Seems we missed a couple of Cerberus operatives when we cleaned house from Udina! We're pinned down here - James and I are doing what we can - Edi's trying to get a hold of C-Sec but it's like they jam that particular channel. I have no way to tell how many of them there are but it's enough to keep us here. I feel like something bigger is coming, that they're just stalling us. Where are you?"

He had no way to know that, thankfully, the other man was just down the hall.

Miranda looked at Jase as she, too, listened to the communication from Kaidan.

"Want an extra gun for this one?"

"I'm in the commons with Miranda in an apartment, I'm taking her with me." Jase answered, already on the way.

Saya yelled as someone grabbed her from behind, having come in through the duct work. Kaidan turned with wide eyes.

"NO!"

Edi was faster though and shot the intruder in the head, barely missing Irimsaya. Once she was free again, Saya ran to Kaidan and stayed with him in his cover spot.

"Jase, hurry, I don't know how long we can hold out. One already breached this room and almost took her."

"Just hang on, we're on the way!"

Jase looked at Miranda once as they heard the gun fire coming from the other long side of the apartments and started running. Just as they were close to it another Cerberus soldier came flying out of the open door and landed dead at their feet. Jase took the gun from the dead man and reloaded it while peaking into the room and once he found a target he fired a round into the closest soldier's head. The soldier dropped dead and they had some attention now on their own.

"Biotics, Miranda!"

"Already on it Shepard!" As she started firing one biotic skill after another into the troops.

"Hold your fire!!" Kaidan's desperate voice called out.

As the smoke from the most recent smoke grenade cleared they could all see one of the troopers holding Saya as a shield, a gun at her stomach. Miranda narrowed her eyes, still glowing blue with her biotics.

"I can't Shepard, not without hitting her."

Irimsaya narrowed her eyes as she tried to fight with the one holding her, he was strong. Too strong.

Jase stepped forward into the room and lowered his gun a little. "Why don't you let her go. It's four against one. Is it really worth it, to die here and today? Look around you, they're all dead and you're the last one."

Jase kept an eye on Kaidan and James too. They had to find a way out of this. But someone was missing. Edi.

Irimsaya winced as the gun dug into her stomach, and her children, her breathing became faster and she closed her eyes.

"This one is coming to The Illusive Man. He wants her. Dead or alive." The trooper responded.

"Let me take him, I can take him." James whispered to Jase.

"Nobody takes a damned shot Vega! That's my wife and our children!" Kaidan yelled at him, his eyes never leaving Saya's.

Jase knew he could trust James, but Kaidan managed to kill that option and Jase figured he'd need to have a chat with him later. This wasn't a typical behaviour for the man. In fact Jase thought a little less of Kaidan now. But at least the soldier had shifted his focus towards James. Which was good.

"That won't happen, if she dies, you are dead too." 

'Where is Edi?' Jase wondered and saw a flicker of metal crawling along a wall. He had seen geth doing that, but it was new to him that Edi could do the same.

"Look pal. I've had a pretty shitty week and do you honestly think one or two more deaths are going to bother me? I've wiped out a whole colony!" There wasn't any need to mention it had been geth. 

"This ends here and now. And you decide how." Jase knew that guy wasn't going to leave the room alive, but he truly hoped he could question him too.

Irimsaya actually cried out as the gun pressed even deeper.

"Would someone please get this guy off me?!"

Edi paused and looked down at the situation, examining all angles and where her Commander would end up if she did what she had planned. It was a risk, she knew, but one that she felt that she had to take. She jumped down and rolled with the man away from Saya. 

Saya fell to the floor as soon as she was free, clutching her stomach to protect it.

Miranda moved and helped Edi contain the trooper - alive. James on the other hand looked very disappointed.

While Kaidan went to help Saya Jase made sure their enemy had no guns anymore and ripped off the man's helmet to look him into the eye. He was appalled at the face he saw, it was full of.. cybernetics. He looked at Miranda with an unspoken question on his face.

"What the hell are you?"

"I will give you only one answer. I am one of many."

Miranda shook her head.

"Well... that doesn't help much now does it." She kicked him in the side. "Tell the Commander what he wants to know or you won't like meeting me very much."

Irimsaya just hugged Kaidan tightly, shaking like a leaf.

"I would listen to her if I were you." Jase inched closer and played with his gun. The eyes he saw were creepy. "One of how many what."

"Who will come for her. She is now our priority."

Irimsaya turned and stared at the 'man' Jase was talking to, shock in her eyes as Kaidan tightened his arm around her shoulders protectively.

"You're working for the wrong people." Jase frowned inwardly, something felt kinda familiar about this man and he wondered if he had met him somewhere else before. He placed the gun against the man's forehead. 

"Listen. I'm giving you an option. You help me and I help you, or this is your end. The people who did this to you aren't worth it. Here's a chance to make it right."

Edi cocked her head to one side then lunged at the man as he fired something from the wrist armour he was wearing. Saya sagged in Kaidan's arms as the sedative dart hit her.

"What the hell?" As he picked up his limp mate.

"Pull the trigger Shepard and get her out of here. What he just did means that he has backup en route." Miranda looked at Jase, already glowing blue again in preparation. "We need to go now!"

"I have finally reached C-Sec Commander, they are sending reinforcements to our position." Edi announced.

The shot didn't ring loud but the man fell limp while Jase hurried to get them the hell out of there. 

"Let's move it! Good work in there, Edi." Jase said while he rushed over to give Kaidan a helping hand. 

"Alright James, get us out of here."

"Just follow me Commander!" James held up his weapon and led the way back to the Normandy.

"Shepard - I have to leave you here. I'm sure you understand my reasons." Miranda said as Kaidan boarded the Normandy to rush Saya to the medbay.

Jase stopped and nodded at her, giving her a small smile. "Miranda, thanks. Be careful out there."

"No promises Shepard." She smiled and walked off as Edi and James also boarded their ship.

After she had round the corner Jase went inside too. He still had the datapad in one of the pockets and had to give it to Chakwas. Luckily he saw Jeff already sitting in his chair and he could give him the news about having to reach Thessia.

"Thessia Jeff, will update you later." Jase said and jogged down to med bay.

"Dr Chakwas, this should help you with the implant. How is she?"

Chakwas took the datapad and read it then nodded silently. She looked at Jase after a minute.

"This will help immensely. Whatever was on that dart has heavily sedated her. All I can tell you for certain is that she won't wake for at least a couple of days. I'm going to be setting up an IV so that both she and the children won't starve. From my guess - I would say this sedative was designed to keep her under during some kind of transport."

Jase nodded and rubbed his head while looking at Saya and Kaidan. "Thanks doc, let me know if anything changes."

Before he left, Jase walked over to Kaidan and laid his hand on his shoulder. "Stay with her. I'll take Liara and Javik with me." It was the least he could do, Kaidan needed to be here now.

Kaidan turned and looked at Jase.

"I know I was out of line down there. And I'm sorry. But there was no way I could risk a bullet hitting her - or worse. I just... I hope you won't hold it against me."

Jase shook his head at this. "We got her out alive, that's what matters Kaidan." And he knew Kaidan had learned something.

"What worries me the most is that they weren't trying to kill **her** \- just the rest of us. They were trying to get her alive." Kaidan shuddered at the thought.

"Alive, huh." He shook his head at this and went to the other side of the bed, taking Saya's hand in his right one while gently caressing her hair a little. Jase couldn't afford to have his feelings surface right now. The next mission was already waiting and the last few ones still lingered on. And he still needed to go and dig up any intel he could find about Thessia.

"Do you know what it will be? Boys or girls? Or a pair?"

Chakwas smiled a little.

"Well... I was going to wait until she woke but perhaps it would be better coming from one of you. It's a boy and a girl."

Kaidan stared at Chakwas in shock.

Jase grinned a little. "A pair huh. Well, they won't look the same. Congratulations, Kaidan." Jase leaned down and whispers into Saya's ear. "Did you hear that, sis. You're gonna have a boy and a girl." After watching her for a little more Jase straightened up.

"I have to go. Kaidan.. keep an eye on the ship while I'm gone, please." He had about two hours before they'd hit Thessia.

Kaidan watched Jase with Saya.

"You know I will. I promise you that. Just come back safe or she's gonna have my hide when she wakes up."

"I'll be careful." Jase leaned down and kissed her forehead a little before he left.

  


As soon as Jeff said there were Reapers everywhere and he couldn't reach Thessia Jase knew this was going to be bad. His eyes locked with Joker's for a few seconds, they both knew what the other one was silently saying.

"It's now or never, Jeff." Or they could just go and throw themselves onto the first Reaper they could find. If he only had known at this point, if he just had known.

  


Once back from Thessia and on the Normany, Jase realized Sam and Edi working together was a pure gem. The two of them had dug up a small lead towards a possible hideout called Sanctuary. Jase remembered people talking about it on the Citadel. The volus thought it was a scam and someone was making money off of scared people. He had the feeling the volus was right.

The first he did after informing the asari of his failure and dismissing his crew was going up to his cabin. Jase fed his fish and shut off the music and slowly wandered around, eying the little bar. He couldn't afford to drink himself into sweet nothing, but he'd have loved to. The couch felt wrong to sit down too, the floor seemed better. It was hard and cold as he rested his back and head against his locker. 

Irimsaya stood in the still open doorway.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Her voice sounded both tired and strained as well.

"Chakwas said days...." Jase replied softly, kind of avoiding having to answer her question. But Jase was surprised she had awoken from the sedation.

Irimsaya chuckled tiredly.

"She ah... doesn't know I'm gone yet..."

"Then.. sit down." He should have known. Saya and her cybernetics. Kaidan would know and be happy about it, he was sure.

Irimsaya sat down on the floor with him, her stomach slightly bulging now.

"Ugh... I could shoot Kaidan for placing this order you know. Anyway no he doesn't know - he's in the CIC with Joker."

"He's got talent?" Jase sighed and rubbed his head. "I yelled at Jeff." He shouldn't even been saying this, it was so meaningless and there were other, bigger problems, now. Like having fucked up the possible solution on how to end the war.

"Why? What happened?" Concern flickered through her eyes.

"Tried to deal with his own shit by making a joke. Called him out on it." Jase shook his head, it had been stupid. He had been stupid, should have known his man better. "Hasn't heard from his sister and dad. I.. didn't even know he had family there. I forgot."

"Oh Jase... You should talk to him. You really should." She shifted trying to get comfortable. "He's a very forgiving soul you know."

He nodded, rubbing his forehead. "I will. Saya. We. We lost Thessia. I lost the key to the Crucible."

"Kai Lang?" She watched him nod. "We'll get it back. Somehow we'll get it back."

Irimsaya stood up with a bit of a struggle.

"I really am going to shoot him for getting me pregnant I think. I feel so unbalanced."

Holding out a hand to help her up, Jase shook his head. "Takes two to get pregnant." He was really glad he couldn't have kids this way.

"Ugh, don't remind me." Saya sighed then yawned.

"Get some rest." With a soft grunt, Jase struggled to get up too. Mind set on finding Jeff and sorting the mess out he had started by exploding into his face.

"Yeah I guess I better head back to the med bay before Chakwas has my head." Saya smiled tiredly then stumbled towards the elevator.

Jase frowned and went after her, laid his arm around her waist to steady Saya before she would fall flat onto her face. "You came up here just for me.."

"Of course I did." Her voice was starting to slur a bit. "You're my brother."

He shook his head again. She should have been still asleep and here she was. "Tired?" Jase asked her and grunted when he picked her up instead. "How did you know I was back."

"Mmm.." She was relieved when she was no longer walking and laid her head against his shoulder. "I don't know... I just knew.."

The elevator door opened and Jase stepped inside with her, taking her back down to med bay. "You just knew, huh." Next thing he'd know was her reading his mind.

"Doc, I found a stray."

Chakwas looked up, surprise in her eyes.

"I'd wondered where she'd gone. I just got back from a visit to another crewmember. Back on her bed please. Now I'm wondering how she was even able to stay conscious long enough to find you."

"Anything I should know?" Jase asked while gently laying her down onto a nearby bed.

"Not really, just someone who can't seem to take good care of themselves." Chakwas gently hooked Saya back up to the monitors and IV.

"If that's going to be a problem I need to know." He watched her hooking up Saya. "The implant stopped sending the signal?"

"Not yet - Edi has it jammed for now. I'll be going into her this afternoon now I am certain as to what to expect. And Commander don't worry, it looks like it was just a flu bug of some kind. I've taken care of it - I promise."

Jase nodded, trusting her she knew her job as it was something they didn't need either. 

"Dr. Chakwas, a word?" Jase motioned towards the core room. In case Saya would wake up and listen. Once the door closed he sighed and admitted eventually, "I can't sleep."

Chakwas frowned at him.

"Do you have a lot on your mind? Tell me about it."

That was another problem. Jase was watching her like a hawk for a few seconds before he turned his back to her, but he knew she was like a mother to all of them and cared deeply. 

"Too many dead people. Quarians, Geth, a few billions of asari...," he sighed, shaking his head with a frown. Jase reached up and rubbed his forehead, willing the headache away. 

"Probably as many back on earth. And now, if we, if I don't find Kai Leng and Cerberus, another galaxy." Not to mention Saya, Kaidan's parents and Joker's family.

Chakwas looked thougthful for a moment.

"Could Edi not backtrace the signal coming from the Commander's body? Find out where it's going to?"

"Edi and Traynor are on it, we have a lead. That doesn't solve my problem. I need to function properly to finish this war."

"Damned right you do young man. Now, how about sitting here in the med bay for awhile and let me sedate you. I guess lie would be a better term than sit for that."

It wasn't the best solution at all but the best which could be done for now, he figured. He needed help, Jase knew this. Issues were piling up on his doorstep and none of his private problems were being solved. The more he pushed ahead and worked, forged alliances and did everything else, the more he understood and realized that he would have done the same back at his world. It kept him awake. Kept his thoughts running in circles. He needed rest, badly. Sedating wasn't really helping either, only for the moment, while his inner voice kept screaming for help and his stress levels were all over the roof anyway. At least it would give his body the chance to rest. Yet his mind... it would have to make do. For now.

"For how long, eight hours?" They had to drop off a few things at the Citadel and then they would follow Leng's signal.

"However long you want but you need to let your body recharge. It could even take 12 hours."

Jase nodded and called up Kaidan, letting him know. It was dangerous in his eyes, but even more dangerous to keep going like this. The consequences of messing up again, the risks were too high.

"Alright, let's do it. Wake me up if there's something happening."

"You have my word." Chakwas helped him lie down then she gently injected him with the sedative. "Sleep well, Commander."

Jase sighed deeply and closed his eyes, hoping it was the right thing to do. If something was happening...

  


Kaidan sighed and paced behind Joker's chair.

"I just hope he knows what he's doing."

Joker wasn't paying him a lot of attention while keeping an eye on Edi and on their ship. But when he said that, he frowned.

"He needs our help, now more than ever." And apparently cracking jokes had been a bad idea, too. "Or we're all screwed."

Kaidan hmphed a bit then went back to his pacing.

"And Edi - are you sure that you registered Saya leaving the med bay and then returning? I mean how is that even possible?"

"That is correct. The Commander himself brought her back to med bay." Edi paused for a second. "If you wish, I have the video and audio feed available."

"Ahh no but thanks Edi. That would feel too much like spying."

"Very well, Major."

Joker just turned around again and had a look at Kaidan before he focused back on his work. It was helping him not to think about all the other current problems.

  


Jase slowly woke up to the hum of the ship. The med bay was empty, Saya apparently was awake again and the good Doctor was busy somewhere else too. Getting off the bed he found his body felt stiff and he stretched and moved, causing several joints in his body to crack. Jase rolled his shoulders once more and set off to find his crew as he realized, that.. after how many days.. his stomach actually growled and demanded some food rather than an ugly tasting energy bar. When had been the last time he had actually eaten solid food, Jase scratched his head, it had been before Rannoch. And a good night's rest? When he had gotten married. 

One single sandwich lay all alone and forgotten in the fridge and he took it, unwrapped it and started to eat while walking to Liara's room, wanting to see how she was doing after Thessia. Inside he was being greeted by Glyph but Liara was nowhere to be seen. Jase shrugged and went to look where Garrus was - empty too. Jase shrugged again.

Not in the mood to go and play more hide and seek he took the elevator upstairs to the CIC, where he could hear a few people talking. Sam wasn't at her place though and he figured she was with Edi or had gone for little girls. Well, time to go and talk to Jeff and to apologize. 

"Hello Shepard." Edi's voice greeted him and Jase nodded at her, "Edi," before he leaned onto Joker's chair from behind and was watching the head of his husband.

"Jeff, I.. wanted to aplogize. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Jase moved a little as Joker's chair started to turn around, giving him room. But what he saw made him weak in the knees. Jeff's face looked like one of those Cerberus soldiers. Full of ugly cybernetics. Jase took a step back. 

"What the hell.. Jeff?!" 

There was a screeching sound on the ship, like a Banshee coming and Jase watched in horror as husks piled through the door, together with a Marauder and started attacking him. He knew they were his crew.

  


Heart hammering away Jase woke up, trying to catch his breath and fond himself in a small group of people. A hand was holding his and he realized it belonged to Joker and someone else was kind of rubbing his back. 

"Jeff? Saya?" Jase asked, rubbing his eyes to come finally back into the real world, still hearing that goddamn screech from the banshee in his mind. But his crew wasn't dead. Good.

Irimsaya kept gently rubbing Jase's back.

"You're safe Jase. Everything's alright. Well, as alright as it can be." She rested her other hand on the now visible baby bump she had. "We were starting to get worried about you."

Joker mumbled a bit, she was stealing all his lines.

Jase sighed and nodded, but he had Joker's hand in his.

"What.. how long was I out?" He asked and moved around, looking at Jeff. No signs of being huskified. Good. Just a stupid nightmare, nothing more.

Jeff squeezed his hand a bit.

"Almost four days. Kaidan and Irimsaya have been driving things forward for you while you were out. Chakwas even had to hook you up to an IV... hated seeing you like that.."

Jase stared at him and then looked at Saya. "Four days? Sanctuary? Kai Leng?" He was supposed to sleep half a day, top. Not for so long

"The signal coming from in me - Edi was able to trace it. We think to the Cerberus main base. We.. thankfully.. missed him when we helped Miranda."

Kaidan was making a face which told Jase that Saya had insisted on going on that mission with him.

"Dr. Chakwas was also able to disable the implant in me that was sending said signal. Plus Miranda was kind enough to put a homing beacon on Kai's ship." Saya continued, not seeing the look on Kaidan's face.

One look at her stomach told Jase the babies were fine. But typical. He was out and couldn't talk her down and she went on a mission.

"Nice job. So, basically you ignored my orders and went on a mission," Jase said and got off the bed. And jeez.. his knees felt a little like jelly. Otherwise he surprisingly felt fine. There was still a shadow on his soul, but it had to wait. He needed a shower, too.

"What's our position and how's Liara? It must have been hard on her," Jase asked, while squeezing Joker's hand gently. And had there been any news from earth? The crucible? So many questions. He shouldn't have gone to the doctor. Damn it.

"I didn't ignore your orders Jase - and technically you can't give me orders since we're the same rank. I took every precaution, believe me Kaidan wouldn't let me off this ship unless I had almost two suits of armour on. Which made it really hard to fight you know. But we were fine. Liara is.. having trouble coping but she said she'll manage like we're managing."

Kaidan grumbled under his breath a bit and Jase could tell he wasn't happy at all about Saya having gone on the missions.

"Alright. Nicely done, Kaidan," Jase answered while he kept his eyes on Joker. They needed to talk and waking up to him being there was just.. nice.

"I take it we're docked." Otherwise Joker wouldn't be here, but Jase couldn't know that they just had docked and dropped Ms. Sato off to an Alliance outpost. 

"You kept Admiral Hackett updated?" Jase asked and just hugged Joker, holding him close and his arms. They could watch, it was harmless and he needed to feel the warmth and show his love.

Joker was almost purring as Jase held him.

"We're at an outpost for now - we had to drop off our passenger. And don't worry, Hackett knows everything." Irimsaya winked at him. "Honest, I haven't forgotten how to do my job."

"Especially fighting," Kaidan broke in. "You should have seen her Jase - I swear nothing slows this woman down."

"Good. I wouldn't expect anything less from her," Jase chuckled a little, while rubbing Joker's back, thinking about what he had to do now, rounds of the ship, Liara and the other crew, after having a shower. Coordinating the next mission, getting caught up with.. everything. But there was something else which was important too.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you.. why haven't you told me about your family?" Jase whispered to Joker.

Joker looked at him then looked down.

"I guess there's no reason to.. I mean they're both MIA now.."

Irimsaya bit her lip.

"This ends here and now - no more people are going to die."

Jase hugged him a little tighter. "Doesn't have to mean they're dead. Comms are shady at best. Maybe they're still out there, holding on."

Joker wiped his eyes and nodded a little bit.

"Is the small hope that I'm clinging to right now Jase." He whispered. "The very small hope."

Jase nodded at this. "You and I, we both do. Come on Jeff. There's work to do, we gotta win this war."

Irimsaya and Joker both helped Jase steady himself.

"Maybe you should consider some food first Jase. Something solid in your stomach might help." Saya said softly.

"Yeah. You're right. I'll grab a sandwich on the way." Jase nodded, carefully extracting himself.

Irimsaya watched Joker lead Jase to the mess hall, her hand resting on her belly.

"This doesn't feel right. This whole thing. Something feels wrong."

Kaidan went to her, laying his arm around her a little. "What do you mean?"

Saya leaned against him, heaving a sigh.

"I wish I knew Kaidan. I wish I knew."

"Maybe it's the whole war.. and all those losses." Kaidan sighed a little. Sometimes he found it selfish that he felt happy when outside the war was taking its toll on so many people.

"Maybe." Saya sighed again and leaned up to kiss Kaidan's neck gently. "I'll never be able to tell you just how much I love you."

Kaidan smiled a little but turned towards her then. "But... I know, all of this. And.. all of this will be over soon. I feel it, we're so close now, to end it for once and all. So close, Saya. And then, we'll move someplace and raise our children. Maybe I'll teach...," he shrugged a little. The only plan he had was building a house for her and the kids.

Irimsaya smiled at the image in her head.

"You and teaching huh? I have a hard time seeing you doing that Major." She winked at him.

Kaidan chuckled softly. "I've had a good teacher. Or.. rather two."

Irimsaya looked at him.

"Really?" She smiled a little bit. "You think I'm a good teacher?"

He nodded. "Yes, I have learned a lot. Kid with a messed up childhood, look at where I am now."

"You were always good at what you do Kaidan. To be honest the best biotic I've ever seen. And I can't tell you how happy I am that we met - that you were on the original Normandy so long ago."

"Mmh.. and me," he grinned at her. "What's our next step. Are we going after Kai Leng's signal? Take him down for good?"

Irimsaya nodded slowly.

"And hopefully Cerberus along with him." She didn't voice her worry that somehow she wouldn't survive this. Something was nagging at her at the back of her mind but she couldn't put a finger on it.

"I hope so too, but I don't think you'll go down there with the squad." Kaidan wouldn't let her off the ship and knew Jase wouldn't agree to it as well.

Irimsaya grabbed him and glared at him.

"I swear if you get yourself killed..."

Kaidan shook his head. "I will try my best not to get myself killed, Saya. But whoever it is Jase will take with him..."

Irimsaya closed her eyes and silenced him with a deep, rough kiss. A kiss bred of fear and uncertainty. 

"You can't die Kaidan. You can't."

He wasn't going into the argument, knowing he wouldn't win it anyway and he had no desire to upset her by telling Saya they were soldiers and it was their job.

"I promise you I won't, I want to see our children growing up and build you a house." And the heavens knew how many other parents would never have this privilege. 

Irimsaya just kissed him again, desperation foremost in this kiss.

Kaidan sighed and hugged her after the kiss. "I feel sorry for Joker. His family is MIA? At least your mother is alive and well … I still have my mom."

Irimsaya just nodded a bit and held him close. She was so worried that Jase would want to take him to Earth - but if it meant winning the war then there was no way her conscience would let her interfere with that.

"We have some time before we reach the Cerberus base, why don't we spend it together?"

"I can't tell you how much I'd like that."

Kaidan grinned at her, he knew how much she liked that, but wasn't sure if she knew what he had in mind. After seeing Tali drunk, he figured it was time to occupy that room.

"There's a poker table in a certain room which should see a few more guests."

Irimsaya pulled away, looking slightly disappointed.

"Poker. Seriously?"

"Mmh.. I guess it wasn't a good idea, we could of course always retire for an early night." He was looking at her. "That's what you had in mind?"

"Whatever you want Kaidan is fine with me."

Kaidan sighed softly. "I want the same for you. What do you want, Saya."

Kaidan was scratching his head now a little. "I hope you are still saying this when you're giving birth... I mean two of them. One isn't easy already... How about we go upstairs, you lay your feet up and I give them a gentle massage." He was sure that in a few months he'd have to give more than just a feet rub.

Irimsaya smiled.

"What happened to poker?"

Kaidan grinned and shrugged at this. "Aah.. it can wait for a bit. Doesn't need.. calibrations. Wasn't that what Garrus said? I heard he was investing quite some work to calibrate your engines."

Irimsaya chuckled again.

"Only you get to calibrate **my** engines sweetie."

Kaidan laughed. "Alright, I guess I brought that on. I'm happy to calibrate your engines." He eyed her, from head to toe with a grin.

She smacked him on the arm then giggled as she led the way to their cabin.

Kaidan smiled as he walked after her, glad she was feeling better and nodded at Jase and Joker who just seemed to have finished their food.

"Retiring for the night?" Jase asked, brushing his hands off on his pants.

Kaidan nodded at him. "Yes."

"Good. Have had enough sleep. Take good care of her." Jase gave him a grin and then looked at Joker. 

"Ready to hit the cockpit?"

"Cockpit? Really? You've been asleep for several days and the first thing you think of is the **cockpit**??" Joker stared at him.

Jase was watching him, in his head were a few wild scenarios popping up now which actually involved the words cock and pit. Of course duty came always first and with Saya and Kaidan retiring... But it was also unusual that Joker came on to him and demanded something, anything. Jase enjoyed that, it certainly got his attention and sent some shivers down his spine.

"Actually.. if you put it that way..." Jase coughed a little. A certain part of his mind was now seeing Joker being served for him on this table. Sometimes he really wished the ship was empty and they could do as they please. But this was for after the war, in their own house.

Joker just raised an eyebrow.

"Cabin. Now. I wanna die happy." He grinned to let Jase know he was teasing.

Jase nodded, "Yes, sir," and gave him a leer, if he could actually chase him, he would. Hunting his prey.

Joker stood up.

"Of course we'd get there a lot faster if you carried me..."

Now that was something new and Jase raised his eyebrow at the suggestion. He was feeling stronger and better, there wouldn't be the risk of letting him drop, but he still would have to be careful not to break any bones. Looking him over and considering his options, Jase bent down and picked up him, adjusting him a little with a grunt. Certainly something new. And he carried him into the elevator.

"Glad most of the crew is asleep." It would be.. somewhat embarrassing to be caught carrying his pilot up to his cabin.

"Uh why? They all know we're married.."

Jase smirked at this. Of course they all knew. It was just he was a leader, and a leader wouldn't act like a horny teenager. But Jase shrugged a little. "I'm just glad you aren't wearing one of those suits. Would make you a lot heavier." Joker was a tease with having his face so close and Jase leaned in, catching his throat with his lips and was gently scraping along it with his teeth. 

"Don't lose your hat." He whispered and wondered why they hadn't acted like this after being six months apart. 

Joker groaned.

"Just... cabin and bed... NOW."

Jase chuckled while nibbling his throat now. The door opened and soon they were inside their quarters and he carried him carefully down the few steps towards the bed where he laid him down. His shirt came off and Jase crawled to lean over Joker, helping him to get off his shirt before he leaned down to kiss him again. And Jase was certain now, Joker had a very dirty mind, too.

Joker groaned quietly and leaned up to drag Jase right onto him.

  


Irimsaya put her feet up on the bed and sighed in bliss as Kaidan began the massage.

"Damn you have magic hands.."

Kaidan chuckled softly. "It makes me glad you're approving. I figure, I need some practise before moving on to your back in a few weeks."

"Who says it's not already hurting?" Saya answered with a teasing tone.

Kaidan grinned a little and shrugged. "It might help to practise already, how would we do it? I mean I can't tell you to lay down on your stomach for it.. I think the children would disagree with this." 

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow.

"They're already disagreeing with a lot of things."

"Are they...?" Kaidan knew about the food at times and her being tired. But this has sparked his interest. 

"What are they... 'saying' that makes you think they disagree?"

"Oh a little 'nudge' here and there." She smiled. "Then they torture me with cravings."

"Mhh," Kaidan smirked a little, "I'm glad Salvar stocked up on icecream for you." Then he was looking at her little belly. "I can't wait to actually feel them moving around."

"Hmm... it might be a bit early but..." Saya gently grabbed his hand off her foot and put it on her belly. "Oooh your hand's nice and warm." She sighed and closed her eyes.

Watching her moving his hands around a little Kaidan smiled and wondered for how long his hands would be able to cover her belly. Not for long, he figured.

"Hmmm..." Saya sighed in bliss as she moved his hands around her stomach. "Now **that** feels good."

"This is not a back rub, but a belly rub, should I do this more often?"

"Mmmmm the warmth feels good to be honest... feels so comforting... calming..."

Kaidan was watching her while keeping up with moving his hands around and was glad they were already on their bed. "Come here, let me help you. You look like you're about to fall asleep."

"I feel like all I do lately is eat and sleep..." Saya looked at him then moved into his arms.

"Or fight." He shook his head. "Well, at least he's back and awake now and you can take care of our children. Feed them.. sing them to sleep.." he smiled a little.

"Oh I don't think you'll want **me** to sing to them... I'd break any glass around us."

Kaidan laughed at this. "Well, I can honestly say I haven't heard any of you Shepards sing, yet. Looks like I shouldn't test my luck, huh."

Irimsaya chuckled and sighed contentedly.

"Good night Kaidan."

Kaidan leaned down and gave her a kiss. "Sleep well, my love." He'd join her after getting ready for bed.

  


Jase was walking around on the ship, getting caught up, checking in once more with Chakwas, after that he went to Garrus, spoke with Tali, Cortez and James and eventually with Javik. The memory shard had been interesting and he nearly would have pushed Javik to look into it and remember the people he had lost. That's when Jase decided it wasn't worth. Losing a galaxy was bad enough, making him or Javik revisiting those people which were lost was too hurtful. The pain just ran too deep to reopen those old wounds. Some things were better left buried. 

His last stop was at Liara's, he needed intel, any information she could find about Cerberus and that was where he spent the next three hours. Although, they talked about different things. Not just Cerberus. Jase still felt bad about having lost Thessia and he cared deeply for her well being. In the end he was glad to learn Saya had already spoken to her and suggested she should help the refugees. Then he went to speak with Admiral Hackett as they soon would make the jumps to the Cerberus base. 

"Edi, call the crew to a meeting in the war room."

"As you wish Commander." Edi did as requested and soon the crew entered the war room, minus Joker who was piloting the ship.

"What's going on Jase?" Saya asked as she and Kaidan entered last.

"Cerberus." 

He explained their plan and that he would take Edi along as well. "As soon as we go in we're fully committed. The Alliance won't be able to hide the Crucible anymore. The Reapers will know about it." Jase paused. "And then we will go back to earth, take the fight there." 

Irimsaya was still trying to wrap her mind around it.

"Wait.. you want Edi, Kaidan... and **me**?"

Jase smiled a very little at her. "I want you in the cockpit with Joker, watching the feeds. Taking down Cerberus is as important to you as to me."

Irimsaya looked disappointed. She had been hoping to go along and maybe find some answers as to what they did to her.

"Fine." She said quietly.

Jase went to her and laid his hand onto her shoulder. "You'll have a comm link open to me. I know this is important to you, but I can't risk you or the babies down there." He squeezed her shoulder gently. "And you know that, too."

Irimsaya bowed her head.

"Yeah."

Her disappointment was quite clear.

"Guess I'll be in the cockpit."

She left the war room without another word. Kaidan leaned on the console in the middle of the room and shook his head, heaving a big sigh.

"I can't handle many more of these mood changes." He muttered.

Jase gave him a sympathizing look and he wanted to see Joker for a minute before they'd leave. "Don't envy you. Come on. Let's go."

Kaidan rubbed his eyes as he followed Jase.

"Just be glad you won't be the one sleeping with her later."

Jase stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, realizing Kaidan was nearly crashing into him and Jase laughed at his comment. "Er, I won't." He paused, watching Kaidan. "Alright, I know that wasn't what you were saying. But.. thanks for the laugh. She's all yours."

"Okay glad you think it's funny. You do realize she's gonna take this out on me right?"

The laughter on Jase's face was quickly replaced by worry. "I wasn't aware of this. I know she can be difficult. But taking it out on you?"

"I'll get the silent treatment for sure this time. She'd actually been looking forward to finding Cerberus and beating answers out of them about what they did to her."

Jase groaned a little. "If she has a problem with that she has to come to me, not you. Why do you think I want her watching our feeds?" He sighed and rubbed his face. "I could let her go, but what good would that do, risk her babies? Hell yeah, right. If something happens you and her are on my case and I couldn't forgive myself. If she gives you trouble, send her to me."

"Yeeeah that'll go over real well. I can handle her Jase - most of the time. But she's like you - once you get something in your head that you wanna do then there's no turning you away from it. I sure as hell don't want my wife... my **children**... put in danger - but sometimes with you two there's no telling you no."

Jase nodded. "You know, sometimes I think she wants too much. She's got a lot already. You, her kids and me now." He didn't dare say more, like when they were hunting the collectors that he sometimes had to work hard to keep her morale up just because Kaidan wasn't there. That sometimes she had acted like a sulking kid in a candy store which wasn't allowed her sweets. Instead he grabbed Kaidan by his shoulders and grinned a little. "You and I agree on it this time. She won't be coming with us."

But there was something else he wanted to tell him.

"Kaidan. Once we hit earth... I won't take you with me. And no, don't think it's that. My .. feelings for you have changed. I want you to see your kids growing up."

Kaidan stared at him in surprise.

"But.. you'll need my biotics.. I can't let you go down there without a biotic!"

"Kaidan. What I need right now is knowing my family will be safe. That you and her have a future. Chances are I might not make it off earth. If.. when that happens, please. Take Jeff in, give him a home."

Kaidan's eyes never left Jase's.

"He'll always have a home with us. But Jase - you're **not** going to die. We're gonna win this thing and you'll live to meet your niece and nephew."

"Thanks," Jase gave him a nod then. "I hope you're right." But he knew the casualty reports and how high they were. "Let's go. Cerberus is waiting."

  


Irimsaya sat in one of the unoccupied chairs near Joker and crossed her arms as she waited.

Joker was watching her, feeling a little weary after having gotten used to Edi's presence. And he knew she wasn't in one of her best moods either by the way her lips seemed to pressed together. Being too busy observing the comms and seeing the fleet taking care of most of the Cerberus ships, Joker was surprised to feel a gloved finger tracing his cheekbone and he looked up, seeing Jase standing there looking down at him.

"What's our status?"

Checking his panel quickly again and casting a glance at his other Commander, he answered quickly, "We've got a foothold, but it's not much. Lots of fighters guarding the launch bays."

"Can you get us in Jeff?"

"It won't be a problem."

Jase smiled a little down at him. 

"Fifth Fleet's cut through their line, they're regrouping."

Jase nodded, "Now's as good time as any. I'll be at the shuttle." He turned to leave. "Saya, keep an eye on him for me, don't let him fly reckless." Jase tried to lighten up the mood a little.

Irimsaya nodded a little.

"You know I'll look after him Jase. I always do."

"Thanks." Then he was gone.

  


Jeff sighed and once the shuttle had started he quickly pulled up the feeds.

"Reckless flying. And they nearly crashland with the shuttle," he muttered.

Irimsaya actually let out a little laugh.

"Yes.. so they did. Keep us in line with the fleet Joker. Edi, patch me into the feed from Jase."

"Yes Shepard." Edi did so right away.

"Good. Jase can you hear me?"

Joker was actually amazed at how good Edi was with multitasking. Being down there and fighting while still giving him and Saya a helping hand on the ship.

"Loud and clear. Just a little busy right now," Jase answered, ducking again behind a crate while the bullets flew over his head. It gave him time to switch to his sniper. A few of their targets were busy with focusing on Kaidan and it gave him a nice chance to sniper away.

Saya gritted her teeth as she listened to the weapons fire.

"Damn it I should be there..."

Joker shook his head a little while he gave the fleet a helping hand, glad to see some action himself. A little red alarm started to beep.

"Kaidan, focus on Cerberus with Edi. I'll take out that Atlas!" They heard him say and could watch it.

Irimsaya bit her lip as she watched the battle on the station.

Kaidan focused all his attention on the Cerberus forces, glad when Edi kept dropping her decoy.

"So, basically you're saying if I hadn't taken you with me we'd be dead now." Joker heard Jase say and he didn't need to hear Edi's answer at all, he already had figured there was a good reason why she was on that mission.

"Jeez his stress levels are through the roof again," he muttered.

Irimsaya glanced over at Joker.

"You can monitor that? Can you see where in the base he is?"

"Yes, it was Edi's idea a while ago." Joker soon had it transferred onto her terminal. "It's nothing compared to Thessia, yet."

After taking down another Atlas Jase was calling up Saya.

"Are you getting this? There are entries here of project Lazarus."

Irimsaya paled slightly.

"I can both see and hear you Jase.. can you play them for me?"

Kaidan frowned uncertainly, not sure if it was wise to do that.

Jase activated it and played log by log. He himself felt disgusted and played with.

Kaidan looked ill as he listened.

"So she was really dead..."

"Yes I was Kaidan, I told you that." Irimsaya said but she wasn't angry over anything - more like shocked.

"But she's still the same. That's what matters," Jase replied. He himself was more pissed about Cerberus using people to get her and him invested.

"They played us good. But not good enough."

Irimsaya got back on the line to Jase.

"Bro, do me a favour? Kill them."

"They're already dead. And by now they know it. Everything alright up there?"

"Yes - Joker's doing some fancy flying and the rest of the fleet is ready to fire everything they have at that station."

"Good. Tell them not to hold back, we'll be fine here."

When they reached the next terminal with some log entries, Jase looked at Edi first and then at Kaidan after learning that Edi had sent seven zetabyte of explicit images to Cerberus.

"Most of it was Jeff's?" Which begged the question where the rest had come from, maybe Donelly. Or Jacob. Nah. Probably Donelly.

"Jeff. Anything you want to say about that."

"Err...uh...um... well... uh.. most of it was from before we got married... and you were so busy... yeah no I'm sticking my foot in my mouth - I have no comment."

Jase was grinning a little at this. "I guess I know what we'll watch on our next free evening," he teased him and nodded at Kaidan to continue.

"Uhhhh really??" Joker was surprised. "AH shit!" He managed to dodge a blast heading their way just in time. "Hey no distracting the pilot if you want your niece and nephew kept safe!!"

"Really," Jase meant it. "Not that we need it, but..," the but was cut off as they were engaging more hostiles all over the place. Jase was sure Jeff had red ears by now and Saya might be grinning at him, or doing other things. Hopefully nothing involved more than maybe some teasing. 

But the task at hand was more important. They had learned a lot today and Jase was glad once they had found the main room. Sitting in the Illusive Man's chair was enlightening. All this information at his fingertips, the archive was huge and Jase knew, if there had been more time he'd have been gone digging through all of this.

TIM watched the back of the chair.

"Commander Shepard. You're in my chair."

Jase wanted to snort and say finders keepers. But he had more important things to discuss.

Joker listened to the feed and glanced from time to time at Saya, the fleet were making good progress and the base was being blown away pieces by pieces. Yet he wondered how Cerberus could have recovered pieces of that human Reaper.

"How did they do that. They had no IFF installed like we have."

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"Not to mention we blew that base up. I don't understand it.."

"Well. Maybe they found themselves another derelict Reaper, or something. Or took a copy of ours." Joker fired another round, taking out one of the very few Cerberus ships left. "How can they claim to work for humanity's best interest and let themselves become indoctrinated? That's what they are, right? Indoctrinated."

"That's what they are alright. No ifs ands or buts about it. Unfortunately they're too blind to see it themselves."

Joker huffed a little. "Yeah." He listened to the feed, realizing it was that VI from Thessia Jase was talking to now and what it told them. 

"Great. And messing up our chance to give the Reapers hell. Bastards."

Irimsaya put her hand over her eyes.

"When I find The Illusive Man... I'm gonna put a bullet in him."

"You and me both, Commander. Or put two into him. One for me, please." Joker paused. No that wasn't enough. "Better yet, put a whole heat sink into him."

"Something's wrong..., it's too silent in there. What are they doing?" Joker asked, the feed was suspiciously quiet.

Irimsaya hit a button.

"Jase? Kaidan? Edi? Can you read us?"

There was more silence for several minutes before Jase was trying to reach the Normandy. "Normandy? Jeff? Do you copy?" Jase asked, watching the dead body of Kai Leng on the floor. He nudged it a little to make sure he was really dead.

"We're here Jase - what the hell happened??" Joker broke in, ignoring Saya's glare.

"Kai Leng. We're fine. We got the intel!" Though that piece of information wasn't what he had hoped for, it made his stomach clench. "The Illusive Man has escaped to the Citadel." Jase nodded at Kaidan and Edi, time to leave this base and let it be blown to hell. 

Irimsaya was pacing in the war room as she waited for them to return. All she could think about was how close she had come to losing both her brother and her husband on that base.

Jase rushed past her after giving her a quick glance with a gentle smile and went to speak with Anderson. Things were bad and even more desperate now. When he came back he saw Kaidan hugging Saya.

"We're going to earth," Jase stated, resting his hands on the railing. "The Citadel's in earth's orbit." Who knew how many people had died now there, too. And his kids..? 

Irimsaya turned in Kaidan's arms so she could face Jase, but put her hands on Kaidan's so he couldn't release his hold of her.

"What??"

Jase sighed a little and looked down. "The Citadel is the catalyst. Thanks to Cerberus the Reapers know we know and brought it there. Time's running out. It's now or never. We won't have any other chance."

Irimsaya closed her eyes for a moment then nodded slowly, one hand protectively over her stomach.

"Let's do this. Let's win this war."

Jase nodded and went over to her and Kaidan. He knew Saya wouldn't want to hear a good bye and so he just gave her a hug before he nodded at Kaidan, knowing he would understand since they had spoken earlier. Then Jase did a last tour of their ship and crew, spoke with every crewmember, even Diana Allers. The last one he needed to see was Joker.

"Edi, can you give us a minute." Jase said and watched her stand up and leave the bridge. Jase swallowed the lump in throat and knelt down next to Joker's chair.

"Jeff. I'm not good at this," Jase sighed softly, watching his green eyes. "But I wanted to let you know, you mean the world to me. Thanks for being there when I need you most, thanks for.. catching me when I fall." Jase paused, he wanted to say he might not come back but he couldn't bring himself to do it, his husband needed to fly the ship and fight Reapers. He needed to have hope and a light heart. "I'll be back, ok? I'll find a way and come back to you. I promise."

Joker actually had tears in his eyes.

"You have to come back. I love you too much for you not to come back." He wiped his eyes in aggravation. "Besides, there's gonna be two kids who're gonna wanna know their uncle."

Jase nodded. "Yes. A lot to live for, a lot more than I had three years ago." Jase leaned in and gave him a kiss before he left to get his armour. 

He was glad to know Kaidan was staying on the Normandy. If anything was going to happen and the ship would be destroyed at least his family would go out in a blaze of glory and together. No one would be left behind and had to mourn anyone on their own. It was a small yet cruel comfort but in its own way - it felt good. He also decided to leave Edi on the ship, only taking James, Liara and Javik with him. Garrus would be needed at the guns, Tali could provide a helping hand if the engines had problems and Saya could help on the bridge together with Edi. James was to give Steve a hand in the shuttle once they had been dropped off and to provide any additional support they could lend before they were to head back to the Normandy. Once he and the squad were on the Citadel they could find a way to be picked up.

Irimsaya watched Jase go to the cockpit then turned to Kaidan.

"Kaidan... if we don't make it through this - I want you to know how much you mean to me, how much I love you. How much **we** love you."

Kaidan went and just gave her a hug again before he was going to say something. "I love you too and I think I'm bad with saying things like these.. but I don't want to live without you. Never again." 

Irimsaya held him close, resting the side of her face against his chest.

"Same here. I want you there to help me raise these two rugrats."

"It's hard to believe that we have come to a day where we have to say, tomorrow will be different. The world will be changed and... I never thought I even had to try and think this way."

"Those thoughts were running through my head when I destroyed the collector base. But you know what? Sometimes a different tomorrow is a damned good thing. Sometimes you find more things worth fighting for than you ever realized you had. And sometimes you discover that there really is hope."

"Hope. Yes, you're right, there's always hope for a better tomorrow." Kaidan replied with a small smile while rubbing her back. "Where do you want me to be, we might get a few wounded, should I go and report to Dr. Chakwas?"

Irimsaya bit her lip, hating the thought of being separated from him but she nodded.

"It's probably the best place to be just do me a favour and keep in contact if you can."

"Yes, ma'am." Kaidan winked at her, hoping the little joke would lighten up the sombre mood a little.

Irimsaya watched Kaidan leave to go to the med bay then she went and joined Joker in the cockpit.

"I want all feeds from Jase in here - including vitals. This is it people. This is the day we've worked so hard to get to."

Joker was glad she was doing this, keeping an eye on Jase. In Joker's eyes the comment of that this is it was kind of an understatement, judging by the fleets reporting in one by one. It was massive. The Geth, Turian, Quarian, every single fleet of the galaxy had come together.

"We're writing history," Joker said quietly, hoping they'd live to tell about it. "Whatever happens today, ma'am, it was an honour to serve with you."

"The honour was mine Jeff. Inform all fleets - it's time to begin the attack. Once they're distracted enough we'll go in and drop off the shuttles."

'And so it begins,' Kaidan thought as he felt the shift of the Normandy under his feet.


	11. End

### End

Of course the carefully laid out plans always got busted and things became more difficult. And Jase had been anticipating this. Nothing was ever easy.

Anderson was dead. Jase was sure of it. And Liara and Javik? He hadn't found his missing squad nor seen their bodies, had searched for them after waking up in a haze of pain and muffled sounds, hearing radio chatter that no one had made it to the beam. But he had, hadn't he? He was here, standing on his shaky legs and taking a look around, trying to find his squad between other dead soldiers. Amongst them was one soldier crawling towards Jase, reaching out his hand for help before dying. But after such a blast he was sure his friends had been fried into nothing. It was a miracle he himself was still alive. Yet his molten armour felt like a cocoon too tight and some parts of it even had melted into his skin, making it difficult and painful to move.

The sight of the many dead people along the way still lingered on in his mind as he slowly stumbled towards the beam, taking out a few husks on the way with shaky hands. Out of the nowhere a marauder appeared and shot him into his right shoulder. He was glad he didn't drop his pistol, instead he raised it and fired several shots to kill the monster blocking his only way to the Citadel. 

Jase stepped into bright light, shielding his eyes after taking a shaky breath to steal himself for whatever would come now. Upon stepping into the beam his world went white and then black.

  


Irimsaya was watching Jase's vitals in concern. She didn't even notice when a shower of sparks erupted nearby. Joker glanced back quickly at her then got on the comm, having seen the blood on her face.

"Medical assistance to the cockpit!"

Chakwas looked up in frustration then looked over at Kaidan. 

"Take it, Major! I can't leave this patient!"

Kaidan nodded at her and took off, feeling lucky the elevator was still working. Having to crawl through the ducts would be worse. 

"Joker? Saya?" There was some smoke and he wondered if there had been a fire. Once he saw her bloody face he quickly set up to clean it.

"It's nothing major," he tried to soothe her. There was a lot of blood coming from that gash but once closed, "once fixed you'll be fine." He didn't dare asking how it was going outside. Many ships were being ripped apart or already destroyed at this time. Kaidan didn't want to know the death count just yet.

Irimsaya looked at Kaidan in surprise.

"When did you... what's not major?" She was startled when he started cleaning her face and she turned accusing eyes on Joker. "A little scratch and you're calling for help?"

"Yeah well if I didn't he'd chew my ass off. Not to mention Jase," Joker said but was obviously distracted as he tried to keep them out of the target zone the reapers seemed to have developed. "And I like being able to sit so yes, I called and tattled on you."

Saya snorted a little and turned her eyes back to Jase's monitor as Kaidan patched her up.

Kaidan shook his head a little, finishing with her wound. "Joker was right. He couldn't know if it was something minor. These wounds tend to bleed a lot." Kaidan nodded and grabbed the seat to steady himself when the ship rocked, he needed to leave.

"Chakwas needs me. Donnelly's got hurt bad. Good we have Tali on board."

Irimsaya turned to him in surprise.

"How bad is it??" She would hate to lose Donnelly.

"Bad enough to have Chakwas worried. I need to get back down." Kaidan didn't want to let her wait any longer. "Will update you!" he called after her. If Joker had to keep up with dodging attacks like this Kaidan knew they'd have to take care of a few broken bones, soon. People couldn't sit about idly and wait till it was over, they needed to keep the ship up and running. At least Edi was a big help, Kaidan mused while rushing back down.

"Joker I swear if you tattle on me again..." Saya waited until Kaidan was gone.

"Hey you're the pregnant lady, I have orders to look out for you."

"Orders from who exactly."

"Uhm.. err.. oops hang on!" He threw the ship into an evasive manouver. "Sorry what was the question again?"

"Mature Joker, very mature."

  


There was an awful smell in the air and Jase wanted to gag as it assaulted his nose when he woke up. Had he been out long? He knew he had hit the ground with a groan of pain as he had been tossed out of the... beam, but Jase couldn't say. The smell of dead rotting flesh was getting worse and worse and he held his bloody dirty hand in front of his mouth and nose to keep himself from throwing up. It would only weaken his strength and he needed to open the Citadel, allowing the Crucible to dock. 

Jase got up and staggered onto his feet. The sight that greeted him was brutal and stuff made for nightmares. Hundreds of dead people piled up to the left and right, leaving a path open towards the control room. It was like back on the Collector ship, only a hundred time's worse here. They all had been left to rot away. How many more had been killed like this, harvested to be turned into a Reaper. Millions, even billions. And his own world.

"My god...," Jase muttered more to himself while walking past it, blood dropped down the ceiling and was splashing onto the ground. He hoped he wouldn't recognize any of their faces, but there were men, women and children lying there. Had they been living here on the Citadel? Or brought up from earth. Forcing his gaze away Jase instead focused on the path ahead, the point he had to reach. It should be up there somewhere. Steadily but slowly he trudged along, keenly aware of the ongoing battle outside. Their mother had been working on the Crucible, Jase hoped she was fine. Maybe she'd survive it. He took comfort in knowing she was proud of her children and looking forward to meet her grandchildren.

Crossing something like a bridge Jase thought of Garrus and the day the turian had taken him up onto the Citadel for a shooting match, the chat they had. How Garrus had picked him up after Thessia, had given him hope and strength to move on, had told him in London to go out there and give them hell. Even Javik had been an inspiration. And he'd make it count, now that he saw the console. Jase walked to it, brought up the panel and opened the Citadel. 

  


Joker let out a yelp.

"The Citadel is opening! It's docking!!"

Irimsaya looked out the window and a small smile played at her lips.

"Do it Jase... we're right here.."

  


"Finally," Jase muttered, resting his hands on the console to steady himself. But then everything seemed to go to hell as the Illusive Man showed up behind him.

"Shepard. You are as much an annoyance as your sister. You should never have been in this world."

Jase didn't turn around, keeping his eyes on the console. The Crucible would dock anytime soon.

"You know. I just had this idea a few years ago, thinking 'Hey, let's jump into another universe and annoy the hell out of the Illusive Man.'," Jase answered and snorted softly. It had been worth it, after all. His pistol was holstered and he had no way to draw it without drawing attention. He knew he was screwed and needed to play his cards carefully. 'Just keep him away from the console,' Jase thought, 'that's all that matters now.'

Jase watched as the lower console changed its colors, from white to yellow and then it disappeared, replacing it with another one. 

"You killed Kai Leng!"

He nearly wanted to laugh, this was the best the man could come up with? Cry over his lost favourite pet? Well, he had lost a lot of invested credits again. Just like he had lost Saya.

"Yeah. Heavily augmented and still couldn't fight worth shit. Was a pleasure to teach him a lesson." Jase was shaking inside and his knees felt like pudding and he realized a slick stickiness in his inner suit, knowing it wasn't just medigel clamping down on his injuries, if there was anything left judging by the look of his armour. It was another liquid, like blood. 

Suddenly there was a sound in Jase's ears, he screwed his eyes shut as he fought the urge to move. Something, or someone was trying to control his mind and body.

"I warned you! Control is the means of survival. Control of the Reapers and if necessary I'll control you and your sister, or should I say, your other genetical alter ego."

"Controlling me is a lot different than controlling a Reaper," Jase grunted out.

"Shepard. Turn around."

"Make me," Jase retorted stubbornly, but regretted it right away.

"I said, turn around!"

The sound in his ears increased and the corners of his vision darkened dangerously. Jase felt himself being moved against his own will and was slowly being turned around. The urgency to sit down increased dramatically. Yet this didn't happen as he kept standing.

"I can control the Reapers. I can use them, make them work for humanity."

Jase wanted to laugh, the man looked like a version of a husk. And he realized the Illusive Man had lost himself some time ago, along the way. Being obsessed with indoctrination always led those interested to be indoctrinated themselves. Like Saren, like those doctors on Virmire. The scientists on the derelict Reaper had been lost too and not to mention Dr. Amanda Kenson.

"That's right. I can control them, just as I can control you."

"I'm not a Reaper! Just a human....! Not even.. heavily enhanced like my sister. You can't control them.... you're.. indoctrinated!" Jase grunted out through gritted teeth, the power the Illusive Man had over him made it hard to speak. Only using all of his will allowed him to say something.

"You were always stubborn, Shepard! Refusing to see the truth and what it takes! Too idealistic! I have dedicated my life to understand the Reapers, and I know with certainty: the Crucible will allow me to use them."

"I'm just a human, not a Reaper! Listen to yourself.. you're out of control! Controlling the Reapers.. ugh. They're controlling you ... already, Jack Harper. That's right." The control Jack Harper had over him lessened somewhat. "I know your name."

"Enough! You know nothing about me! This isn't about me or you. It's about things so much bigger than all of us."

Jase grunted as the sound and blackness increased again and he watched his own arm being forcefully lifted up, his hand still carrying his pistol. Suicide? That was what the Illusive Man had planned for him? Forcing him to take his own life? He could have done this years ago, when he had learned about his galaxy's fate.

"You always... wanted to do... good. For the right reasons. Saren made the same... mistake! He was Sovereign's puppet ... just like ... you are ... Harbinger's puppet now!" Jase stared at his own hand for a second and swallowed hard.

"Make a difference ... Jack. For all the difficult and cruel decisions you had to make. For all the sacrifices! For earth ... look out there! They're fighting. There's ... still hope! Break free ... of them and work with me. Let's... take back earth.. Jack. Together. Save them!"

A shot rang out and Jase grunted in pain. The sheer amount of willpower he had managed to bring up had saved his life. The pistol had been aimed towards the lower parts of his body. It still hurt like hell. He watched as blood spilled out from the left side of his stomach and he held his hand over it, pressing down onto the wound. But something else was working, the control Jack Harper had over him lessened considerably. At least the pressure in his head had gone down too and he saw him contemplating what he said. But it didn't seem to be enough yet.

"Jack. For humanity. Finish your work... and destiny. Help... me...," he groaned, as he sank to his knees and whispered, "it's not too late." Jase wondered briefly what would happen now, as a few seconds of silence passed and the Illusive Man held up his weapon, contemplating something. 

"But it is too late. You are ... correct. I will help you. Good bye, Shepard." 

The shot came and Jase screwed his eyes shut. But he didn't feel the bullet. Instead he saw Jack dropping to the ground.

Jase hadn't seen such a defeated look like that on Jack Harper's face as he lay there and realized what he had nearly done. "It's.. beautiful.. take her back.. for me, Shepard.." 

Jase stared at the dead body of Jack Harper and he felt he wasn't going to make it off the Citadel. The Crucible had docked and could fire now and with any luck, the Reapers would die. And it was fine with him. He was the very reason Saya was alive and having her twins, having a future with Kaidan. He was here and would give many people hope of a life without fear of being harvested ever again. They could begin to rebuild the galaxy now.

Jase moved, sitting down with his back resting at the console and was watching the battle, was watching the many ships which were giving the Reapers hell. He waited, while painfully breathing in and out, every little movement hurt now. Waited for the Crucible to go off and hoped Joker would understand. Eden Prime, it would have been nice. It would have been...

" _Shepard!"_ Jase jerked up at the voice, had he been falling... asleep? His eyes heavy with exhaustion opened slowly and he tried to focus. Everything was a blur.

" _Commander!"_ came the voice again, insisting he should stay awake. 

"I..What do you need me to do," Jase asked, out of habit, forcing himself up with a grunt. Something was off, the battle was still going. Fresh blood spilled down and he watched, somehow fascinated, as a few drops slowly ran over his fingers. His shoulder was a mess, the armour nearly burned off and the wounds sent white jolts of pain through his body when moving.

" _Nothing's happening!_ " Jase could barely make out Hackett's voice, the rushing sound of a river in his ears was making it hard, but he understood they had another problem. 

" _The Crucible's not firing. It has to be something on your end._ "

For a moment he heard his own voice, back at Omega when he first had met Mordin Solus, saying, _"Just once I'd like to ask someone for help and hear them say, Sure, let's go. Right now. No strings attached."_

And Mordin had replied with, _"Life is a negotiation. We all want. We all give to get what we want."_

Jase crawled onto all four, trying to get up and found it weird to think of Mordin just now. But something struck him. 

' _Someone else might have gotten it wrong.'_

How weird it was to think of this just now. Mordin hadn't given up, nor Legion, or Thane. Jase grunted as his knees hit the hard ground again, focusing on the console in front of him, he just needed to stand up. 

' _You are the avatar of Hope, Commander.'_

He could fix it. Fix it. And fire it. But what if he couldn't?

' _No, Jase, I don't know that. Each time a mission has succeeded you've been there. I was captured and tortured by the geth and it was **you** and Kaidan who rescued me. With each success we have had - you were always right there. And I **don't** know that I can do this without you and I'm almost afraid to try.'_

Jase pushed one foot forward, the floor beneath him was smeared with his blood.

' _In other words, you're saying there's a reason why I'm here. To save your reality.'_

Maybe she had been right. Maybe. Jase pushed himself into a half kneeling position and stood up, looking over the console. He didn't feel tired when his fingers touched it and brought it up again. There was radio chatter in his ear but he couldn't make anything out of it. It would take too much of his strength, as he needed to focus his energy onto the console in front of him, which was blinking at him now.

' _I never thought this would be possible you know. With my disease and everything... I never thought I could be so utterly happy with someone like I am now.'_

Orbs were blinking in bright red. Something was indeed wrong. And he couldn't stop thinking of Joker, no, of Jeff. Jeff. It had taken him so freaking long to finally let go of Kaidan and appreciate what Jeff had offered him. A life, a future filled with love.

' _I think we should all settle down where everything began - Eden Prime.'_

The numbers, the numbers were off. He had to adjust them manually. Rerouting the energy flow. 'Rerouting!' he heard Jeff's voice in his mind. Jase's fingers were flying over the panel now and one by one turned green. The last one was left and he couldn't fix it. Jase growled a little bit out, quieter than he had wanted to and the growl turned into heavy panting and a coughing fit which didn't help him to focus.

" _Shepard!"_

Jase ears perked up as he wheezed out, "Jeff?"

" _I'm here Jase. Just hang on, hear me? Edi's got an idea, she thinks she can fix it."_

There was something, he had seen something on the panel just now. 

"No.. Just.. give me a second. I think... I think.. she _can't_.. fix it." No she couldn't fix it, no one could. Only he could.

  


"Jase, how bad are you hurt?!"

Irimsaya looked at Joker.

"I don't know how much longer he's going to be able to hear you Jeff. He's badly hurt."

  


_"Damn it! Jase! You CAN'T LEAVE ME! You hear me?? If you do then I'll... I don't know - I'll make your afterlife a living hell somehow!! Fire the crucible and get your ass back to me in one piece mister!"_

Things clicked into place, images that were a mess in his mind suddenly made sense. Never before he would have thought that the beacon on Virmire, giving him the vision of his galaxy being destroyed, would be the key to save this one.

"I.. don't think.. I'm," he coughed, eyes burning with unshed tears as he understood now, "gonna make.. it .. sorry I'm.."

_"Jase, listen to the sound of my voice okay? Please? You have to do this for me. You can't just up and go without so much as a goodbye kiss! I mean that would_ _**really** _ _suck, right? Not seeing me for a last kiss? We want to settle down remember? We want to spend the rest of our lives together. We can't very well do that if you decide to go off and die by yourself!"_

Joker's voice was trembling and he felt Saya's gentle hand on his shoulder. Looking up he saw she was already crying. Well he refused to. He wasn't going to give up on his mate. The only person he had ever and will ever love.

Jase couldn't answer, fingers flying busily over the panel, reminding him of Jeff's hands. 

" _Jase, do you hear me?!"_

Jase kept on typing, fixing it. It was a lot to adjust, the scientists hadn't been stupid, they just hadn't known any better.

" _JASE!"_

"I... Yes...." Jase watched the panel as the orbs one by one now turned green and a countdown started on it.

  


"We need to get him out of there." Irimsaya moved to her comm panel.

"Major Alenko - report to the shuttle bay for a medical evac. Take Cortez with you."

She closed her eyes, a hollow feeling in her stomach as she asked her husband to do this.

"Aye, aye," came the reply. Kaidan wondered who they would get, but he had a feeling it was a certain someone. "I'm taking Vega with me, too." Better to be safe than sorry. He thought of something else. "Donnelly's going to be fine." Of course that depended on the Normandy surviving or not as well.

Irimsaya hit the comms again.

"Medical evac shuttle, prepare to launch asap! As soon as the Major and company are aboard you have a go! Don't wait for clearance!"

She sent Jase's co-ordinates to Cortez's terminal.

  


"Countdown.. a minute... Jeff." It was done. Jase sighed in relief and slumped down with a small smile. The platform he was on now moved up into the height, to another floor. Jase realized something else was happening. The console started to glow a little and a lightning beam came from it, shooting up towards an orb. It was connecting. Mesmerized by the light Jase closed his eyes, knowing it ended here and now. He was free. He could sleep now. 

  


Kaidan waited impatiently at the door of the shuttle while watching the ongoing battle outside. He hoped to whatever gods there were in the galaxy that the barriers of the Citadel were holding, allowing them to extract their Commander safely. "Cortez, we're running out of time!"

"I'm going as fast as I can, sir!" Steve replied, busy with landing the shuttle and opened the door as soon as he could. 

Kaidan jumped out first, James after him and they scanned the area quickly. 

"There, I see him! Careful with that light beam!" He couldn't say more, just saw the slumped figure lying on the ground, the armour a mess, face bruised and battered and dangerously pale. Kaidan rushed to their Commander, Vega on his heels.

"Quick! Help me get him up!" Kaidan ordered, but he wouldn't have needed to, James was already picking Jase up and carried him with Kaidan's help into their shuttle. 

"Go go go!" Kaidan yelled and the door had barely closed as he felt the shuttle taking off, bringing them quickly back to the Normandy and away from the Citadel. About ten seconds later the Crucible started to glow, illuminating the Citadel and a beam began to fire. White bright light flooded the galaxy, expanding more and more, washing everything into its brightness. The shuttle rumbled dangerously and Kaidan felt himself being tossed around. For a moment he thought they had lost their engines, but then everything roared back into life and he picked himself off the floor, going back to attending Jase's wounds.

"What was that? The Crucible? Did it fire?"

"Yes Major! I'm getting reports from the fleets... the Reapers.. are exploding, one by one!" 

The shuttle rocked again as Cortez had to adjust the course to avoid being hit by reaper debris.

Irimsaya could have cheered as she watched the reapers exploding all over the place. She could hear the yells of surprise and celebration over the comms channels. Saya put a hand on Jeff's shoulder.

"Stay here, I'll meet them and let you know. But I still need you right where you are."

"Aye aye commander," Joker replied but he was very pale.

Irimsaya rushed as fast as she could to the med bay.

Once the shuttle had landed and they were kind of safe, Kaidan nearly yelled out when Vega picked up Jase and placed him onto his field bed. Vega actually ordered Kaidan to pick it up and help him carrying their Commander up to the med bay. Kaidan was surprised to see the man acting like this and something told him Vega had grown up a few years in the last few hours. 

He hurried with him into the elevator and was counting the seconds as they rode up. Once the door opened he saw Saya standing there with Chakwas. Kaidan had no idea what was going to happen now, would he make it or not. It looked bad. He gave Saya a quick glance and hurried past her, knowing Chakwas needed his help. And it was going to be a few long hours. 

Irimsaya had a good look as they rushed her brother past her and she had to turn to the sink quickly as she was violently ill. To see strangers like that was one thing... but to see someone you love like that... She was immensely glad she had ordered Jeff to remain in the cockpit.

Kaidan looked at her for a few seconds, he was now even more worried, but what got him most was that James went to her and helped her. Focusing back on his task Kaidan wondered how they'd get off the armour, this was going to be a problem. 

Piece by piece, smaller and bigger ones, were removed and at some point he realized Jase actually felt some of it. But it had to go, the sooner the better. Kaidan stumbled against the bed as the ship rocked and the power went out for a second, but came back right away. Someone needed to be with Joker.

Irimsaya was barely standing, James steadying her. She had never felt like this before.

"I... I better go back to Joker before he gets us all blown to pieces. Again."

Her face was ghost white, sweat on her forehead, as James kept holding her.

"Major - you agree with the Commander on that sir?" James looked at Kaidan's back as he helped Chakwas.

Kaidan wasn't so sure, but letting Saya stay on the bridge was possibly the best, to keep her a little occupied. But his gut told him to give Joker a helping hand too. 

"Edi, help Joker?" He wasn't sure, what would Saya or Jase do? "Yes, Edi, help Joker in the cockpit. James, keep an eye on my wife please. Stay with her." Kaidan didn't know what to do first, wishing he could divide himself between these two.

"As you wish Major." Edi replied and ran to the cockpit to help her pilot.

"Don't worry Major, she's in good hands here." James replied and gently helped Saya sit on a bed but kept her facing away from Jase.

"I'm fine... mmm no.. no I don't think I am." she pushed James out of the way and ran back to the sink.

When Edi got to the cockpit she sat in her usual seat by Joker and helped wherever she could.

  


A little while later Kaidan felt that the ship must have stopped dodging whatever it was dodging before and the hum of the engines told him they were traveling at a slow but steady speed. He kept glancing at Saya from time to time, really worried by now and had told her to lay down and stay put. Dr. Chakwas instructed James to give their Commander something for her upset stomach and had James taking a medical scan. 

James hit the device a couple of times as if he didn't believe what it was saying.

"Doc, I think this scanner is broken or something. It's saying weird things when it goes over her implants."

Chakwas swore loudly, now torn between two patients. But Jase came first until they managed to stop all the bleedings.

Kaidan considered if they should get them to a hospital, but surely those were being swarmed by patients too and their equipment on the Normandy was good. It would be their best chance. 

"What kind of weird things, James? Are they.. failing?!" Kaidan asked, and began to work a little faster, still focused, but.. things needed to get done now.

James licked his lips as he tried to figure out the readings he was getting.

"Uhm... I think so sir."

"What?! That's impossible...! Wait. God.. no. The Crucible... Dr. Chakwas. I can .. do most of the cleaning. You need to help my wife." And Kaidan knew Jase wouldn't want anything happening to her or the babies.

Chakwas looked at Kaidan and nodded, knowing 3 lives outweighed 1 as she ran over to her Commander.

"God no... she's dying but.. something different is happening.. like a healing from within."

"Doc... her kids are gonna be part biotic right?" James looked at her. "Maybe, and I know I sound crazy and I know they're real young still - but maybe they're doing something too..."

Kaidan felt as if his world was shifting, he had to focus. "Wait. What. But they weren't exposed to any element zero, not that I know about!"

Chakwas glanced over at Kaidan's back.

"Major - some of her implants are made from that element."

Kaidan was shaking now and he nodded. "That.. would make sense. Reaper tech. Of.. course." Kaidan straightened up. "Cutting edge technology. Can you help her? Them?"

"Focus on your patient Major and let me focus on mine." Chakwas said to him. 

Her voice wasn't cold but it was steady. The man needed to be focused if he wanted to save Jase's life. There was no way she could tell him that she wasn't sure. But damned if she wasn't going to try.

"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan answered quietly and kept up with his work.  
  
Over the hour, one wound after the other was being done, the deeper ones closed, the only worrisome wounds left were shoulder and stomach. He couldn't fix those by himself but they were cleaned and not bleeding as badly, as he had closed them temporary.

"Dr. Chakwas, I have done what I can. Pulse moderate but steady and well.." Kaidan scanned his body.  
  
Some minor bone fractures were left on the right shoulder. Hopefully no infection would set in. Kaidan was glad they weren't living a hundred years ago. Humanity had learned a lot in the past 30 years and that included medicine as well. Omni-tools had replaced some very old fashioned technology and it was more reliable and healthy than what they had a hundred years ago.

"Is there anything else I can help with?" Kaidan just asked as Sam Traynor's voice came over the comm.

"Admiral Anderson wishes to speak to the Commander, but.. is she available?"

Kaidan was looking at his wife, realization settling in that she wasn't doing too well either. "She isn't, I will have to speak to him. Where should I take it, in the comm room?"

"Yes, he's waiting for you, Major."

Kaidan wondered why it was Anderson, hadn't he been leading the Hammer team? And Joker, he sighed, god the poor man would be going insane with worry by now and no one was telling him anything. Kaidan left, hurrying to the elevator and to the comm room and had to learn a few other tragical things. 

For one, Admiral Hackett's ship had taken the brunt of stopping any Reapers which were breaking off and headed to the Citadel. The man had sacrificed his ship, buying Jase precious time to fire the Crucible. 

Javik was MIA and Liara.. she had been found, but barely alive. The doctors didn't know if she would make it or not.

The fleets were currently assessing their situation and survivors, transferring personal where needed amongst many other things. The quarians apparently had suffered great losses, but the Geth were helping them already. On earth the krogan were cleaning up any remaining scattered reaper forces, while the salarian's infiltrated and provided important intel. 

Kaidan didn't know why, he figured they all should be dead but apparently the husks were still running wild. He was surprised the krogan actually behaved themselves and were working together with the salarians. Comm buoys were still down and no one could say for sure what had happened to the other Reaper forces throughout the galaxy, but apparently the Crucible's energy had gone from Mass Relay to Mass Relay. How this was working was beyond his understanding.

Kaidan rubbed his forehead and was surprised to find Garrus standing behind him. After contemplating for a second he gave him the rundowns of what was going on out there and in the med bay.

"Shepard's strong, doesn't matter which one of them, Kaidan. They'll pull through it, I'm sure."

"Makes me glad you're so sure about it, Garrus. I don't know what to think right now." Was it really over now? Was this already the tomorrow he had been afraid of?

Garrus came and laid a hand on his shoulder. "What was it that Shepard always said? It'll be fine. We'll make it." Garrus shrugged a little, "Something like this. They will be fine Kaidan."

"Thanks, Garrus." He didn't know what else to say and suddenly he realized that Garrus was waiting for him to leave, it looked like the turian had to answer someone's call as well. Kaidan rubbed his head and hoped whatever the news were it would be good ones, maybe it was word from Palaven or someplace else which had working buoys. He then went to see Joker.

  


Joker was actually standing up and slowly pacing the cockpit as he waited for news of his husband. He was worrying about Saya now too, she should have been back to tell him. She promised.

"I am sure Shepard will be fine Jeff."

"I know... I mean I don't know that Edi. I don't know if he will be... I'm scared shitless."

"He? Forgive me, I thought perhaps you were speaking of the female Shepard."

"Whoa what?"

Joker turned when the cockpit door opened.

"Major.. what's going on?"

Kaidan rubbed his head, studying him for a second. Joker shouldn't walk too much but he was stressed out of course.

"We've got him, Joker and he's stable." 

Joker let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh thank the gods... Now why was Edi saying something about Saya? And as soon as you tell me I'll sit back down like a good boy cause I know that look in your eyes."

Edi turned in her chair.

"Major, there is a comm for you from the med bay. Dr. Chakwas is in urgent need of your biotic expertise."

Kaidan wanted to reply to Joker, he argued a little with his hands but hurried off instead.

  


"Dr. Chakwas?" 

Chakwas looked up and him and stepped aside to reveal Saya's blue-glowing belly. Saya's face was ashen now and she looked close to death.

"Is this even possible?" She whispered to him. "They're so young... but maybe because they're twins??"

"Oh god... what's happening..?" Kaidan wanted to reply they aren't even identical twins, they were a pair. And they were too young, they wouldn't have developed any... real... brain activity to make this even possible. Kaidan didn't even realize it, feeling too disconnected suddenly, but he had Saya in his arms, pleading with her to fight and live and not to leave him.

"Major!" Chakwas nearly yelled at him. "Is this possible? Could this be some kind of self-preservation skill? They're slowly *healing* her."

"Doc! Need ya here! He's trying to see what's goin on!" James called over from next to Jase. "Stay put and close your eyes sir."

Kaidan just didn't know, what could he know? Whatever was going on it didn't make any real sense and who knew what Cerberus had done. "Failsafe?" He asked. "Maybe.. something like that."

Moving was a bad idea, he realized that in a very painful way as soon as James had pushed him the little way back down. Jase blinked at him, brain fuzzy and tired. Something was going on and he turned his head to watch.

Chakwas rubbed her face and went to get another scanner, revealing Saya's limp body in Kaidan's arms.

"I don't know.. perhaps a combination of the biotics in the children and the implants... whatever it is - it's trying to save her life." Chakwas said.

"Okay, so we're doing what, watch and wait, see if it.. fixes itself?"

Chakwas put a gentle hand on his arm.

"We have to Kaidan. There's nothing I can do for her without harming the children."

Kaidan nodded and thought it was best to get himself a chair to sit down for a moment. The crew must be tired and he wondered if someone could relieve Joker from his seat. James was him a great help too and he was glad to have him around. Kaidan wanted to stay at Saya's side and be there, but suddenly he knew he didn't have that kind of privilege, he needed to think of all of them.

"Okay, I think the crew should get a little bit of rest and I should see in what shape the ship is." He got up. "Dr. Chakwas, please let me know .. of anything." Kaidan glanced at his family and also over at the sleeping form that was Donnelly, at least the man was doing a recovery so far.

"Yes Major." Chakwas watched him go then gently stroked Saya's hair before going and checking on Jase. "Now young man you're supposed to be asleep so I'm going to get you another sedative.."

Before Jase could even form a coherent thought he felt something warm spreading along his arm and was out again.

  
Kaidan spent the next few hours organizing their guests. As the Normandy had some spare beds in med bay and the cargo hold some room, they were taking in survivors from everywhere. Their food supplies would last them for a little while. Kaidan figured the next few days were going to be a pain for logistics. He wondered about the Citadel as well, were there even survivors on it? But right now he didn't spare it a lot of thought, the tasks at hand were more important and as soon as he had a little time he went back to the med bay.

"How are you holding up, Dr. Chakwas?" Kaidan asked, finding he already started to sound like Saya or Jase, but the woman must be extremely tired by now after working through so many hours. Kaidan glanced at Saya, hoping to whoever power that be that she was still alive, but no news from med bay were good news, he figured.

"I am dead tired Major, but I'm managing. Your wife on the other hand... most of the implants turned off Kaidan. Right after the Crucible fired. But, and this is a big but, they're being reactivated. By whatever the little ones are doing."

It was mind boggling and Kaidan was struggling to even make a little sense of it and how this was possible. He figured he should be happy, accept it and just be grateful.

"Thank you Dr.. you know, why don't you go and lay down for some rest... I can handle any cuts and broken bones for you."

"To be honest Major I'm more concerned about the three patients I have in here - especially your wife and brother-in-law. I'm not sure I can sleep until I know for sure they're both out of the woods."

Kaidan gave her a gentle but stern stare. "I know what you mean, but if anything happens and you are too tired... No Dr. Please get a nap, maybe use the bed in the AI core room. It's quiet in there, but not as far away as the quarters."

Chakwas sighed deeply but nodded.

"You're right of course. Wake me if anything is needed." She wandered into the AI core and lied down with a groan.

Irimsaya's eyes flickered open slightly.

"Kai...dan?"

Kaidan sighed deeply when the Dr left to get some rest and he scratched his forehead. Just then he heard the quiet voice calling out his name and he was at her side right away.

"Saya..! I'm here."

Saya had tears in her eyes.

"Sorry.... I'm sorry..." She whispered, weakly clutching his hand then gasped as the blue glow enveloped her chest. "What's....happening...to me..."

Kaidan gave her a kiss and thought he should get her an extra blanket maybe.

"I.. don't know, we just know that you're healing. A failsafe maybe, we think it's something coming from the babies, they're healing you." 

Irimsaya frowned a very little bit.

"The...babies? But how?... Are they.. like you?"

"Dr. Chakwas seems to think so. No one of us can explain it and I'm just.. grateful, you're still with us and healing."

"Still with you...? Was it... close?" Saya was having trouble finding the strength to ask the questions but she knew she had to.

"Yes, but can we not think about this please? I mean.. you need your strength to heal."

Irimsaya licked her lips weakly.

"Jase... Donnelly... how are they..?"

Kaidan looked over to them. "They are fine considering everything. I think Jase was awake earlier on." Kaidan turned his attention back at her. "Dr. Chakwas did what she could, but I think if you can keep it down you could have some tea or water. What do you think?"

Irimsaya nodded a little, glad that he was with her.

"Please.. am so thirsty.."

Kaidan nodded and left, coming back with a thermos of tea for her and he snatched an extra blanket as well, wrapping it around her, before pouring her a cup and helping her into a sitting position. He didn't mind the blue glow but she needed the warmth.

Irimsaya sighed as he helped her sit and her eyes moved to Jase's body.

"How.. bad was it?" She asked as he poured her a cup.

Kaidan figured she was doing better and pondered on what he should tell her, but he knew she wouldn't rest until she had been given the whole story. Sometimes he really hoped she'd just.. wait. He sighed and rubbed his eyes before starting with carefully chosen words.

"Well, he lost a lot of blood. Two bullet wounds.. many dirty cuts and gashes. His armour was, it was burned to a crisp partly and what we couldn't just strip off had to be carefully extracted. He'll be in a lot of pain for a few days at least."

Irimsaya nearly choked on the tea she was swallowing.

"What???" She groaned quietly and leaned back against the pillows. The tea felt good, it was warming her from the inside out.

Kaidan helped her getting comfortable. "Whatever happened down there and hit him, we are lucky to have him with us. I think... he had some.. incredible luck himself." Just like Saya had with the babies apparently. Kaidan sighed softly. "I don't know. Saya.. Joker's still on the bridge."

"Why is he still up there.. Didn't you tell him to come down??" The tea was helping make her feel a bit stronger now... though that could also be the blue glow that now seemed to envelop her whole body.

"Things got a little bit haywire and we needed him still up on the bridge. The sergeant taking over for him was killed. I wanted to relieve him you know, but I'm kind of running the show right now and Cortez has been flying shuttles, transporting people between ships. He's come back to us with survivors, they're down in the cargo hold now. I never asked or gave it a thought, but can Edi fly the ship by herself?"

Irimsaya nodded as she finished the cup of tea in her hands.

"She's done it before so I don't see why not..."

Kaidan nodded his thanks and took care of this little problem right away. He also knew he should have known about this but he never really did ask about Edi. "Well, that's done then too. I better go and get another chair, I figure it won't be long and Joker will make this his second home. Do you want a refill, Saya?"

Irimsaya nodded and let him take the cup from her shaking hand.

"Thanks Kaidan... if you have somewhere else you need to be..."

Somewhere else should be him getting a nap, but Kaidan shook his head. "James' been a great help. I swear I saw him grow up a few years in the last day. Mentally, I mean. Or maybe I've seen him in a wrong light."

"He's a good guy.. he learned what I taught him really fast."

Irimsaya gasped and closed her eyes as her body spasmed and the blue glow disappeared.

"Okay.. you better get some rest.. but what happened just now?"

"I don't know.. but.. I feel fine now." Saya looked at him, worry in her eyes. "I feel totally fine." She slowly stood up from the bed as Joker walked as fast as he could into the room and over to his mate.

Kaidan just stared at her for a moment and brought up his omni-tool for a quick scan. "That's.. I don't know what to say. But you actually are.. fine. The babies, too. Dr. Chakwas will be interested to see how you are doing later on too." It totally baffled him. Kaidan took his chair and brought it over to Joker.

"Joker, here, sit down." Just to be sure he scanned Jase as well and was satisfied to see him still stable.

"Thanks Kaidan." Joker answered in a sombre voice as he sat down slowly.

Irimsaya was staring at her belly, realizing that whatever just happened to her had also affected the babies. She looked like she was another week along in the pregnancy and that worried her.

Kaidan stayed with him for a little while, giving him the basics. "If there's anything I can do and if you need help, have me called please. And, if he wakes up, too." 

Joker nodded, not really paying attention to anyone other than the man he loved lying before him on the bed.

Irimsaya caressed her stomach gently, uncertainty in her eyes.

Kaidan surpressed a sigh and checked up on Donnelly as he was surprised to see the man awake. Kaidan told him he was sure that once Dr. Chakwas had seen him he could leave and hit his own bunk. Then he went back to Saya and was scratching his head. Should he allow her to leave as she seemed fine? But she seemed to fret about something else now and he had no idea what it was.

"What's wrong? You aren't feeling worse again, are you..."

"They've grown." She whispered. "Not much but... I must be a week further along I don't know. Maybe my implants accelerated them a bit.."

Joker glanced over for a second then returned his attention to Jase, gently taking his hand and holding it.

"Are you.. sure." Kaidan frowned a little at her. He couldn't see any difference, instead he did a scan. There was some growth. "How can you tell, they haven't grown that much for me to even notice.. I figure it's one of those women things?"

Irimsaya shrugged a little bit.

"Must be. I guess. I don't really know - no one's ever got me pregnant before." She smiled at him but even that was shaky.

Kaidan wanted to give her a little nudge but didn't, instead he gave her a smile. "Yeah. Well, there's always a first time." He paused then as he was getting a call for help, someone wasn't feeling well down in the cargo hold. "Well, duty calls. I'll be back in a bit." And maybe, once Dr. Chakwas was back onto her feet he could have a nap himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we did our own end, based upon the destroy ending. 
> 
> On a personal note, I don't think I'll ever be satisfied even with our ending. Maybe we should have added Harbinger, maybe TIM should have fought Jase, I don't know. But we did it and tied in Jase's reality.
> 
> At the time we wrote this we had no idea how Jase got the tech stuff but by now we have some thoughts on how ;). Nor was the EC DLC announced.
> 
> Everything from this point on is now our vision and how we imagine the galaxy, characters etc.
> 
> And starting from here Jase and Saya are dealing with the aftermaths of the war. 
> 
> As the Reaper threat is banned Jase begins to realize what he was supposed to do in his own world and it now comes crashing down on him on what he lost.


	12. Waking up

### Waking up

A warm fuzzy feeling, him lying on the shore of a river whose sounds filled his ears and bathing in the warmth of the sun, while hearing someone's voice he knew and trusted - that was the first he was aware of.

He felt very comfortable at this point, nothing seemed wrong or out of place.

This changed with the passing of time, as the voice became voices and he realized who it was.   
  
Jeff, sounding worried, speaking with.... Dr. Chakwas. Nothing they said really registered in his brain and the comfortable feeling vanished as Jase began to feel like being crushed and plastered onto a flat cold surface.

When he opened his eyes all he saw at first was a white blur, which slowly swam into focus. It was the white of the bed he was laying on and the blanket. The next his brain focused on was his left hand, as it felt warmer than his right one and it was being caressed. His eyes found the hand responsible for it and traveled from his shoulder, along the arm, over the hands and a familiar arm until reaching Jeff's side of the face and focused in on it, as well as the tousled brown hair.

The very first coherent thought he had was the name of his husband.   
  
'Jeff.'   
  
His eyes stayed on his face as they were talking and just kept watching him silently.

Hospital, again. Med bay this time. No nurse there this time though. No stranger. Instead Jeff. Was his world changing dramatically again this time?

Chakwas just shook her head a bit at Joker then glanced down at her patient, surprise registering in her eyes before the smile spread across her face.

"Jeff.." Her voice was soft but firm enough that Joker turned his attention to his mate and saw the open eyes.

"Jase!!"

Irimsaya turned from watching Kaidan leave when she heard the near-shout.

Jase winced, apparently his hearing was very sensitive but Jeff was a welcomed sight nonetheless. The next thought was that maybe he could sit up, which was a bad idea as he soon found out. Actually, thinking about it, Jase figured it better not to move around _at all_. He was in a lot of pain.

Joker saw the wince when he spoke and nodded then lowered his voice to a quit and calming tone.

"Sorry, I hope that's better and no, no moving around. You stay still young man or... or I'll have to tickle you." He used his free hand to wipe his eyes, hoping Jase wouldn't see the tears there.

Jase licked his lips, watching him. Jeff couldn't fool him at all. "You.. promised .. me a kiss," Jase whispered, remembering hearing his pilot's voice when he was at the console, fixing that damn thing. And apparently they were alive and here. Had it worked?

Joker laughed quietly and nodded.

"I did but uhm.. I don't wanna hurt you. I mean even your lips are all banged up. And yeah it worked." He paused a minute to check to make sure Saya was still standing up before returning his attention to Jase. "It worked only too well. We ended up putting your sister back in bed."

Irimsaya snorted at that as she lied down again so Chakwas could check her over again.

"What? God, no." Instincts took over and he nearly sat up to see for himself. Which was a bad idea as the world exploded into pain. Once he got that back under control he really needed to know. "What's wrong?" Jase whispered.

Joker swore and gently kept him on the bed.

"Would you stay put damn it? I'd tell ya if it was still bad. When we activated the Crucible I think all of us forgot her implants have reaper tech in them."

There was just one answer to this as Jase was watching the ceiling. "Shit." And he knew there had been a lot of that tech in her. But other things had some too, like the Normandy, or the Relays. 

"Yeah... we almost lost her apparently. But the doc thinks the twins saved her life. She said it was like Saya was surrounded in some kind of biotic field. Like a failsafe or something."

Jase closed his eyes at these news, feeling his heartrate speeding up. He nearly had killed his sister and her babies. For what.. saving billions of lives? He had studied the damn plans and hadn't even considered this for one second. How could he have been so blind? Especially after raiding the Cerberus base.

Joker bit his lip.

"I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. But she'd be the first to agree that it had to be done."

Since they already started to get the bad news section covered, Jase figured he should ask for the rest. "Javik, Liara? Anderson? The fleets?" He asked quietly, asking about earth was kind of pointless anyway, the death toll was immense.

Joker frowned a little.

"I don't know a whole lot to be honest. I was busy keeping us alive. I know that the fleets took heavy losses. No idea about Javik but I heard that Liara was found... barely alive. And Anderson is alive too."

That was something, at least something good considering he had thought Anderson had been. Dead. Jase gave him a nod, already starting to fall asleep. "Stay?"

Joker gently squeezed the hand he was holding.

"They'd have to knock me out to get me away from you."

Jase nodded a little. "Mh.... don't wanna be alone."

Joker nodded.

"You won't be, I promise."

  


### One week later

Over the next few days Kaidan had been kept pretty busy. Besides giving Joker the time off and getting the Normandy from point A to point B, mostly to deliver cargo and passengers, he kept taps on the fleets currently stuck in Sol system. And the Alliance had put together several ships to investigate the Citadel.

"I don't know Saya, what do you think they'll find there, more dead people? Or if we're lucky a lot of survivors? But why haven't they answered our calls?" He shook his head, watching the outline of the big city on their screen.

"What do I think they'll find? Death. Destruction. But hopefully some survivors." 

Saya rested her hand on a nearby surface as if to steady herself. She hadn't told Kaidan that some of her implants couldn't be saved because her body was trying to repair itself.

Kaidan sighed softly, more dead people to find? He truly hoped not. The numbers still kept rising with every passing day. Somehow he had thought the new world to be different, more friendly. Even peaceful.

"You know, I might not let it on sometimes but I know you aren't doing so well, why don't you just tell me what's going on. It's bad enough your brother plays hide and seek right now, but my own wife?" Kaidan sighed again and knew he was doing this a lot lately. Usually it had been Jase doing the sighing.

"You already have a lot on your plate Kaidan, I don't want to add to it. You did such a great job when you were forced into command. I uhm... I've suggested you might be ready for another promotion."

"Promotion? I'm not sure I'm," he paused. "Well, thanks, I think. But I had a few problems here and there." He now gave her a stern look. "But that doesn't help you one bit, I still want to know what's going on. You are my wife! Don't you think I have a right to know what's happening with you, after all this time? Wouldn't you do the same?"

Irimsaya watched him silently for a moment.

"A couple of my implants have shut down and won't restart. But Chakwas thinks it's because my body is healing itself in those areas."

Kaidan gave her a stare back. "She _thinks_ , is she sure about this? What do you think yourself?"

Irimsaya shook her head a bit.

"I don't know what to think Kaidan. I mean every so often I feel... I dunno... off balance I guess. Like something's not quite right. But then I feel okay again."

"Like slow healing, adjusting? It could make sense..." He was watching her thoughtfully.

"I wish I knew. I don't know a lot about medicine to be honest so I have no clue."

Saya rubbed her forehead then looked at him again.

"Chakwas did mention that because of the implants the pregnancy is about 2-3 weeks already ahead of a normal woman's."

Kaidan nodded at her. "I just hope you'll be fine and we'll be fine. I guess when they are arriving, hopefully the world out there is back to somewhat of an order and things finally start to go back to normal." Which also included another little problem, he had nearly forgotten. "Anderson wanted to see Jase. And.. a few other people, too. I've been trying to stall them."

Irimsaya heaved a sigh.

"I'll go talk to them and see what they want. Nobody is going near my brother until he's well enough."

"Yes, but we could do it together." Kaidan shrugged a little. "There's been something else.. oh. Liara is allowed to come back to the Normandy in two days, if she wants to."

Irimsaya allowed herself a small smile.

"I'm glad to hear that. Has there been any word on Javik?"

Kaidan shook his head no. "But he's a warrior, if anyone can survive out there, it would be him. It's just.. it's been a week." The more time passed the less chance he saw to find Javik. 

Kaidan knew he should have taken notes. Next time he would. Saying yes and thinking he'd remember it all had been a mistake, being in a hurry doesn't excuse this sloppiness. "Garrus and Tali both asked for visiting with their fleets. I figured it would be alright to allow it. And.. my mom called, she asked if we could visit her."

Irimsaya bowed her head when she heard they hadn't found Javik yet. He had become a true friend to her. As for Kaidan's other news...

"Your mother wants to meet me??"

Kaidan gave her a grin. "Yes. She's looking forward to meeting you and .. is happy to have grandchildren."  


She had asked him a day ago already and he'd been thinking about it. "I thought it might be a good idea for all of us, fresh air, well kind of. But the weather is supposed to be good and I'm sure we can find a good spot at the beach to relax."

"You mean a spot that **isn't** crowded with reaper debris.." Irimsaya rubbed her eyes. "Yeah.. I think that's what we all need."

Kaidan nodded, he tried not to think of all those things lying around down there. "Well, I'm glad I can tell you that we have cargo and people to drop off in the Vancouver area. Which would happen to be tomorrow." Kaidan went to her and took her into his arms. "What do you think, we give our crew a few hours of shore leave as well. They deserve it."

Irimsaya snuggled against him, grumbling to herself when her little stomach got in the way.

"I think they all deserve some time for themselves."

Kaidan nodded and moved around a little, pressing his hand onto the babies to feel them. "I'm glad we're going, I haven't seen her since all this started and we had to pick you up."

Irimsaya watched his hand there, smiling a bit at the glow around it.

"Honey, turn your biotics off." Saya watched but the glow brightened a bit. "That's not you is it.."

Kaidan shook his head, watching, he had an idea then. "Let me try.. something.." His biotics came up and added to the blue glow. Kaidan was wondering what would happen now.

Irimsaya watched in wonder as the glow intensified, as if the children knew it was their father.

"Whoa.."

Kaidan watched and eventually the glow died slowly down. If he wouldn't know any better.. "I think they're tired now..."

Irimsaya moved her eyes to his face as he caressed her stomach.

"They're going to be really powerful aren't they?"

"Asari-powerful I think. I guess I have to teach them. Oh hey, look who's found us." Kaidan grinned a little at Jase who carefully sat down on the stairs of the war room.

"Thought I try and get back onto my feet." But he already was utterly exhausted, having sneaked out while Jeff was asleep.

Irimsaya moved to him quickly.

"Jase you shouldn't be out of bed.. does Jeff know?? He'll have a hissy fit if he doesn't.."

Jase was picturing Jeff as a cat. No, a tiger would be more fitting now. 'Hissy fit.' The green eyes and the hair was definitely fitting, but he was missing the claws, luckily. Claws weren't needed, his own skin looked ugly enough already.

"He doesn't. Just about to go insane, watching my fish goes old after a few days." She had a point though, he'd made it to here, wanting to see her, but getting all back up there to his cabin, would be a real test. Just resting a little bit more should help. Yes, good plan, he was out of breath anyway.

"Just sitting here, for a minute. Or two."

Kaidan glanced at Saya, he sure would give him a hand to get him back upstairs and into his bed.

Irimsaya sat down next to him on the stairs and put a gentle arm around his shoulders.

"Jase... did you come down here just to see us? You could have commed us and we would have come to see you."

"Yes." Jase sighed deeply as he was guilty of this and nodded before he laid his head onto her shoulder. "I know."

"Aw Jase... Let us get you back to bed okay? We can stay and visit with you for a little while. Kaidan's going to make plans for the Normandy to spend some time in Vancouver. So we can all get some nice fresh-ish air."

"Mmh, yes. Hate these closed in walls." Jase was thinking, Vancouver? If it was off as bad as London there wouldn't be much left of the city and he knew it had been beautiful, once. But it could be rebuilt, right? That's what he had told Liara before they lost Thessia. Jase opened his eyes, he hadn't really realized they had closed on their own.

"Are all Reapers dead?" He asked while thinking about Thessia and what could be left of it. He was about to stand up, but of course sitting down was a lot easier than getting up.

"As far as we can tell yes but let's get you back to bed before everyone wonders why there's a chainsaw impersonation going on in the war room." Irimsaya said.

Kaidan chuckled softly and helped Jase to his feet gently, supporting him with biotics as well.

"C'mon you. Bed."

Jase nodded his thanks and there was a groan as he finally stood and got his body moving again.

"Chainsaw? Am not that bad..." If he was, Jeff would tell him. He was sure. But she was kidding, of course she was. Jase snorted before giving a soft chuckle. "Ow, don't make me laugh." 

Jase was grateful they were taking it slow, but one day his body had to stop acting like it was one big giant bruise and just begin to act normal again. It was new to him though, he hadn't been off that bad before, actually he couldn't remember feeling like this at all, maybe aside of the darn beacon business, but he'd been fine afterwards.

Jase glared at the light door. "Can't we just rip that thing out. We were fine without that one before," he grumbled.

Irimsaya chuckled a little.

"I've already got plans for that to happen my brother. No reason for it now."

That was a satisfying answer for sure. But one other thing was clear as well, he was glad he had done the little trip down to see Saya and Kaidan. Jase noticed a few new faces on the ship as well and seeing some of their crew was nice. But the best thing was the elevator, no more stairs like on the old Normandy.

Once the door opened to his quarters he saw Jeff and he remembered the words hissy fit coming from Saya.

"I'm fine."

Jeff crossed his arms and looked pissed.

"Bullshit you are. If you were fine you wouldn't be in a biotic field to get back up here. And you didn't wake me. I am **not** a happy husband."

"Oh." Jase eyed the blue, okay, he hadn't noticed that. "Okay," Jase answered him and the man just had looked too adorable to wake him up and besides, he really needed to see something else than fish, fish and fish. The couch was actually his preferred place but one look at Jeff told him not to push it and so it was the bed. Jase sat down with a groan and nodded at his sis and Kaidan. 

"Thanks." He got rid of his shoes, forced his tired body to lay down and grabbed Jeff's cushion to get comfy. He wanted to tell him about Vancouver, but was out like a light right away.

Kaidan laid his arm around Saya's waist and studied Joker. "Now I know why you asked to be off duty for the time, but I think Saya here would give me the same kind of trouble." Kaidan teased her a little, speaking with a soft voice, but was serious then again. "How's he doing, Joker."

"He's being a pain to be honest Kaidan. I think the problem is that he's bored out of his mind when he's awake. I can't even keep him occupied enough." He looked at Saya. "Maybe you or Kaidan should stay for awhile. Or I can call you when he wakes again."

"Call us when he wakes and we'll be in this door as fast as we can." Irimsaya responded.

Kaidan agreed to it right away as well. "We're a family Joker, you don't have to do this all by yourself, I mean you and Jase had been there for Saya when I wasn't around. It's time I can help you out a little bit, too."

Joker looked immensely relieved.

"Oh thank god. Because his cabin fever is literally driving me insane."

Kaidan was surprised to see Joker reacting like this, somehow he always had figured it took a lot to get the man upset or even to drive him insane.

"I might have a suggestion, say.. I could stay here now, you could go get something to eat, check out Edi and your ship, just take your mind off it and relax for a little while? How would you like that?"

"I should be here when he wakes up.. I kinda promised him I always would be." Joker smiled a bit. "But thanks for the offer, I appreciate it."

Kaidan nodded, "It isn't a problem Joker. But I have to say, don't tire yourself out, there's only so much you can do and I know it's hard to see your wife or husband suffering and in pain. It's taking a toll on us to see them like this when we're used to look up at them, as they're strong people. It's different and painful to see them raw, exposed and vulnerable."

Irimsaya turned her eyes to Kaidan as she realized he was talking about her in that same sentence.

"You never told me..."

Joker just went back to Jase's bedside, wanting to be there for him if he woke.

Kaidan nodded and let them be. 

Once outside on the way back to their quarter he sighed. "We always worry about you. You push and fight and solve problems, but then you fall and we have to catch you. And repay you with our love and dedication. And.. so much more. I don't know how to explain it any better...," Kaidan trailed off.

Irimsaya went to him and kissed his forehead gently.

"You should have told me what you said in there a long time ago Kaidan. I'm sorry I've put you through hell and back again."

Kaidan smiled, enjoying the attention he was getting. "Well it doesn't need to be said, we do it willingly. I think Joker and I would do whatever it takes to keep you safe and, it's just.. you two aren't just ordinary people with ordinary needs. Both of you are extraordinary and special. Very special."

"Very special hmm? As far as I'm concerned I'm just an ordinary gal with an extraordinary husband." Irimsaya caressed his cheek gently as she led them into her cabin.

Kaidan chuckled and followed her.

Irimsaya closed the door behind them then pinned him to the wall and kissed him passionately.

Kaidan sighed into the kiss because it had been a long time since they had time for each other. It was before the special day. And now they were facing a whole different life and time. "I've got some time.. and it's just for you."

"Mmm good. 'Cause I don't plan on letting you out of this room until we both get some erm... rest...."

Kaidan chuckled softly and his hands went for her butt, he had a smirk on his face. "I think I've just been captured by Commander Shepard. And I happily comply."

Irimsaya giggled and kissed him again, dragging him to their bed.

  


Joker yawned and lied down on his side of the bed, he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

Jase snuggled up to him in his sleep and laid his bad arm onto his belly. 

When he woke up again he was watching Jeff for a little while before carefully extracting himself for a bathroom trip. And the hamster needed some food, too. His eyes fell onto his terminal and it wasn't blinking. Things were.. calm. Alright, but now he remembered to take his pills, something he didn't like doing, but for Jeff's sake he did and went back to bed.

Joker groaned when he felt the mattress move when Jase returned and he opened his eyes.

"Are you alright??"

Jase nodded, after grabbing his pillow to hug it to his chest which allowed to rest his shoulder easier. "Fine. Took my pills. You?"

"Hmmm tired.. might spend a looong time lying here. It feels so good."

"Okay. Sleep." Jase wondered if he had been that straining on him. It had been a long time since they were able to spend some real time together and he scratched his head, watching Jeff.

Joker snuggled as close as he dared to Jase and closed his eyes again, a small smile on his face.

"I got all my babies safe now."

Jase wondered what babies he meant. Maybe the crew. Or maybe just them, somehow it felt better not to think about the big picture out there but just to think of them. "You did," he said and decided to keep close and lay still, for Jeff's sake. "Sleep, I'll be here."

"Good," Jeff mumbled. "'Cause last time I woke up you were gone."

"Won't leave," Jase yawned, to his own surprise once again, he had just woken up after all, he was absolutely tired again. 

"Gonna sleep too, those meds make me tired." But maybe that was the reason Dr. Chakwas had given them to him, to keep him in bed and give his body time to heal. There was a voice in his head which didn't like this, yet Jase shrugged it off, somehow he didn't care. Not anymore.

What he cared about was he wanted to go and see Vancouver. Well, not seeing it destroyed and all, but he wanted to leave the ship for a little while and just be someplace else.   
  
Jase thought about turning onto his back but dismissed this idea, as he'd end up trying to get back onto his side anyway and it would hurt too much. He was surprised Jeff hadn't broken any bones while giving him a hand with his moving around in bed and getting him washed and dressed. Lying curled up onto his side was a lot better. And once he woke up he could go back to watching Jeff's face again. 

At least he felt the small changes day by day, the skin was getting less tender and the ugly bruises finally stopped looking worse and would hopefully start fading soon. Looking like death had warmed over got old pretty quick.

Jase moved his right hand, wincing a little, but the goal was worth it, to get Jeff's shirt out of his pants and slip his still cold hand under it and just feel him breathe and maybe to get a little warm. Jase had thrown on his newest hoodie (he thought of it as the last cycle hoodie), had zipped it up and he still felt cold. And there he had it, hand placed on Jeff's side and Jase sighed in relief, feeling the warmth spreading through his cold fingers and slight movement of his chest falling and raising. Alive, warm and breathing.

Joker shuddered a bit in his sleep when something cold hit his skin but he was too tired to even open his eyes.

  
Jase woke up hearing hushed voices and he remembered Jeff telling him he would invite Saya and Kaidan over. He rubbed his eyes and figured he must have fallen asleep again and he had a nice blanket wrapped around him. Jase felt lucky, maybe he should take it with him to Vancouver and donate it, other people weren't as lucky as he was. He listened to what was being said. Visiting a beach and more.

"Beach sounds good," he said, peering over the blanket to look at Saya.

Irimsaya looked up from her coffee and smiled.

"Ahha sleeping beauty has finally arisen."

Joker got up and walked as quickly as he could over to Jase.

The way Jeff was so fast at his side made Jase pause and he looked up at him, worrying a little now. "Don't want you to fall, or something," he said softly.

Joker just shut him up with a deep kiss then broke off with a grin.

"I needed that," he turned as if to walk away again.

Irimsaya was giggling as she watched.

Jase gave him a wide eyed and surprised look and hooked his fingers under his belt to keep him there in place. "I'm awake now, thank you."

Joker looked back at the hand in his belt.

"Now now behave, we have company." He grinned evilly. "You can play later if you're good."

"Suppose you don't need a leash, you keep coming back willingly." Jase winked at him, the playfulness was nearly gone then though as he carefully got up onto his feet. "Alright, so about Vancouver. What's the plan?"

Irimsaya was watching him with worried eyes.

"Depends on how you feel Jase. I don't want to have to catch you every 5 minutes."

She chuckled a little but it wasn't her usual light-hearted laugh.

Jase sighed and slowly limped over to the couch. He had so many answers in his mind he didn't know which one to say or choose. "The pills are making me sleepy. How do we get there? Shuttle?"

"It's probably the best. Cortez has already volunteered to take whoever wants to go down - no matter how many trips he has to make. I think he just likes the idea of being a shuttle pilot **without** being fired upon." Saya responded.

"I thought he had died," Jase replied softly without thinking, remembering how the shuttle got hit and went down.

Irimsaya looked at him in surprise.

"Jeff and I should be just fine with the shuttle. None of us can walk long distances." He looked at him, now he knew how Jeff must be feeling all the time, not really being able to keep up with it.

"Good." Her voice was quiet. "Very good." 

Saya stood up awkwardly and picked up her cup.

"Anyone want more coffee or anything? I'm heading for Jase's desk where the stuff is."

"Can I have coffee?" Jase asked Jeff. 

"Uhhmm yeah I don't see why not." Joker replied.

"I'll get you some Jase.." Irimsaya spoke up as she went looking for another cup.

Jase inhaled deeply once he had the warm cup in his hands. "Mmh. Thanks." He drank the dark liquid slowly and enjoyed it with closed eyes. "How are the babies?"

Irimsaya rubbed her forehead.

"They are... a biotic handful." She grinned. "Kaidan melded his biotics with theirs... it was kind of neat in a scary way."

"That's incredible. Wish I was a biotic." He thought about that some more. "Usually biotics start to show skills around teenage age." At least now the times were different and kids weren't dragged off brutally anymore. 

"And Kaidan's a good teacher." The cup of coffee was empty now and it had been a blessing but Jase knew he wouldn't be able to stomach another one. 

"Have you thought of some names yet?" Jase asked as he placed the cup down, and rubbed his shoulder then carefully. Now he just needed Jeff at his side but it looked like his husband was busy with something else. Was he sorting clothes? Jase frowned a little.

Irimsaya bit her lip almost hard enough to make it bleed and felt Kaidan's arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

"Dr. Chakwas thinks...well... Jase some of my implants deactivated. And they've vanished. She thinks they might have been absorbed by the babies."

Jase nodded a little, he had barely heard their door opening and it was nice to see Kaidan had joined them now. 'Deactivated and absorbed.' He vaguely remembered Jeff telling him about this problem. 

"But you're alive, aren't you. And the babies? That's.. dangerous." He looked at them both.

"I'm alive... yes..." Irimsaya trailed off and looked at Kaidan for his help.

"But Chakwas isn't sure how the implants have affected the children... and if Saya will survive their birth." His voice was both hard and caring at the same time.

"What. No." Jase just stated while watching them, not knowing what else to say. "No, just. No."

Irimsaya turned her head and hid her face in Kaidan's chest while he held her tightly.

"We just found out." Kaidan answered for Saya. "It's going to be hard on her systems, giving birth I mean. But I'm confident that between medicine and biotics that we'll all get through this."

Jase rubbed his face. "Not using the natural way out for them, how about that? Does that help?"

Kaidan shook his head and Saya looked at him.

"I was just talking with Chakwas about that. Because of all Saya's implants - well the ones that are left - if it's not natural then it will 100% kill her... and quite possibly the children."

"Oh come on! How's that supposed to work! It's 2186 for christ's sake."

Irimsaya flinched at Jase's tone then looked at him.

"Maybe you should ask Cerberus!" She pulled away from Kaidan and all but ran from the cabin.

Kaidan groaned quietly and put his face in his hands.

Jase looked stubborn all of the sudden then got up to go after her. He guessed she went to her cabin.

Joker turned to him, "Oy - where do you think you're goin??"

"To my sister." He had gotten a lot of sleep, he figured his energy would last longer, long enough to get over there and talk. Or say sorry, or whatever else came first. And stairs still were a bitch, a real bitch. "And no, I need to do this by myself."

Joker looked annoyed at that but nodded.

"Just please be careful.."

Irimsaya was lying on her side on her bed when she heard the door. She decided not to answer.

Jase knocked again. "Saya, please." What a mess, couldn't just something actually go right for once.

"Fine come in." Her voice was quiet.

Jase sighed as he went slowly inside and limped down the stairs. "I'm sorry." He said and sat down with a groan, especially cursing the parts of his body which had once sported body hair. "And no, it's alright." 

"You should be resting." Saya said quietly and slowly sat up on the bed.

"This isn't about me," Jase replied, but in its own way it was. Jase snorted and shook his head. "I rescue the goddamn galaxy and what do I do? Killing you in the end?" He shook his head again. "And that is NOT alright."

Irimsaya wiped her eyes and looked at him.

"What was done had to be done. One life isn't worth a galaxy - not even 3 lives are. But I do need a promise from you. And it might not be easy for you to say yes to."

"They are for **me**." Jase told her but nodded. It was done, he couldn't undo it and she was right. He just cared too damn much about her.

"Jase. If I don't live through this. I want you to help Kaidan.. help him get past me... help our children. Please promise me." Irimsaya's voice was cracking. This was the hardest thing she had ever asked anyone.

Jase studied her, head swimming in thoughts among other feelings. He nodded eventually. "It isn't your fate to .. die after we save...," Jase stopped. "I refuse to believe that. I can't."

"Not saying I want to or anything. I want to see my babies grow up. I want to be with Kaidan. I want to see peace again. Damn Cerberus and their damned implants." She bowed her head.

Jase nodded, he hadn't been paying attention and sat down on her left side, now he laid his arm around her and swallowed down any discomfort. "Damn them all you will, they're the reason you're here."

Irimsaya turned her head to look at him.

"Don't hide your pain Jase. Remember you and I think alike for the most part. If I thought I could hug you without hurting you... what you did on the Citadel was amazing."

After snorting softly he shook his head. "Did it for you. And look where this got us. Me focusing only on destroying them and forgetting about.. your implants."

Irimsaya reached up and gently caressed his face.

"Why do you think I went to the med bay? Besides to see you? I knew it was going to happen - well I knew _something_ would happen. I wasn't about to tell Kaidan or anyone else because they couldn't afford the distraction."

"You could have said something," he whispered, "could have found a way." But then she was as stubborn as he was and nobody had known what it would do, only that it was a weapon to hopefully destroy Reapers.

"If I had said anything would you have fired the crucible?"

Jase sighed deeply and closed his eyes. "I don't know. Maybe, maybe not." He probably would have ended up trying to tinker around with it. "I was ready to die for you."

"You very nearly did. I'm so very happy that you're here with us now. It gives me a peace of mind."

Jase nodded at this, of course it would. He was glad to be alive but at what coast? All those losses down there on earth. "Hammer. They.. they," he paused for a long time. "Dead. Vaporized." He got up rather quickly, stupid idea. "Sorry, forget about this. I got the Cerberus data. Edi might be a help." Or Liara's room, network. Whatever. Anything would do.

Irimsaya stood as quickly as she could, alarm in her eyes.

"Jase... forgive me.."

"No. No, it's alright," he answered, quickly using his sleeve to dry his face. "I should go. Find a way to help you."

Irimsaya put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"There is no way. We just have to hope."

Jase nodded eventually but no, hope wasn't enough. He contemplated about it while getting to the door. Edi had all the data, maybe there was a way. Maybe Miranda was still alive. He'd take a pill now and go back to his sleeping state, no one could see the blubbering mess he was and maybe Vancouver would bring a change of mind. Akuze, now London. His own reality. And Saya. He shook his head while going past the elevator to his door. He'd find a way.

Kaidan was still talking quietly with Joker when Jase finally returned. Joker got up and went to his mate as fast as he could.

"You're hurting.. back to bed, I'll get your meds."

Jase nodded his thanks but he also knew it couldn't go on like this forever, but for now it would do. "Thanks."

He addressed Kaidan while getting down the steps. "We're fine, Kaidan. Maybe the Cerberus data can help." Jase sat down then onto their bed and got rid of hoodie and shirt, some parts of his skin was itchy while other parts felt like being stretched too far. He didn't mind Kaidan being there, knowing he had patched him up. Jase got the cream and started with his right shoulder first and worked his way over his chest.

"Vancouver Kaidan, you're visiting your parents? Sorry... your mom." 

"Yeah. There's been no news about my dad yet. But mom wants to meet Saya before the twins are born."

Kaidan noticed Jase was starting to have trouble getting the cream on and went to help, knowing Joker didn't mind.

"Thanks," Jase sighed in relief. "Glad you can see your mom, bet she's thrilled having grandchildren. Her house, is it fine? I know it's ... weird to ask, but it's the little things that count."

"Surprisingly her place survived I think because it's in a smaller area in one of the forest preserves."

"That's great Kaidan." Jase smiled a little at this and saw Jeff coming towards him. He looked up at his man and gave him one of his better smiles as he took the pills and water and downed them. 

"Thanks, tiger." 

But tomorrow he wouldn't take any, or maybe half of them if he had to, he wanted to be awake and enjoy that day. Judging by the feeling of Kaidan's hands on his back he knew his skin was healing nicely, just as Chakwas had promised. Now, aside of his butt, his front had to heal properly too and that was the most painful area. Luckily it hadn't taken that much damage, Jase refused to imagine how much more painful it could have been. Better not to think about it. At least he could kiss now.

Before he gave in into the sleepiness of the pills Jase thought about their own mom. He had to ask at some point, when he remembered. He told Jeff to enjoy his evening and do some fun things if he wanted to but he had the feeling his man would stay with him. Jase loved him for this, but felt bad about it too.


	13. Vancouver

### Vancouver

After more than another twelve hours of sleep Jase awoke and was lying flat on his back with Jeff's arm across his chest. Jase turned his head and was watching him sleep for several minutes until he really had to go to the bathroom. To his surprise he noticed something else, the stars above their bed were gone and instead he saw a blue sky looming into their window. The Normandy clearly was down at earth. He couldn't tear his eyes away for a while, the sight was mesmerizing. Eventually he managed to get out of their bed and was glad not to have woken up Jeff, but remembered how scared he had been the last time he just had left their cabin. Jase decided to leave the bathroom door open instead while he was taking a shower.

Which gave him time to think about a few things. For starters his stomach grumbled and demanded food. That was a nice change because lately he couldn't even think about food. Then, he was able to take a shower longer than one minute without having his legs acting like pudding and he could do it alone. After taking his towel and carefully drying himself, he thought about what to wear. It was nearly summer time but as he always felt cold lately, it would be very comfortable pants, shirt, hoodie and his leather jacket. And he needed a shave. 'No, scratch that.' The beard was covering up a lot of ugly bruises on his face. He just had to be presentable. At least the cuts on his hands had started to fade a little. Or he could wear gloves, but in the summer... he sighed. It would heal for sure. 

Unlike Saya's implants. And just hoping for a miracle wasn't good enough for him. He'd go and fight again, but this time without weapons. This time he'd research, make contacts and ask people for help. He missed Mordin. He could have helped her, too. But Chakwas wasn't bad either. Just.. Mordin. Maybe he could hunt down Miranda, now that the war was over, perhaps they could become real friends and help each other. Jase sighed as he cast one last look at himself and went back to see what Jeff was up to.

Joker looked up when he heard Jase coming out of the bathroom finally.

"Took you long enough. Feeling better?" He had a smile on his face and was sitting on the edge of the bed.

Jase carefully walked to him, gave him a good morning kiss and got his clothes to get dressed. 

"Yes. Ready to leave the ship for a while. I'm glad for Kaidan, seeing his mom again. And Saya, she'll love her. She's a very caring person." She had been in his time, he just hoped it was the same here. 

"Hopefully." He added and got his shirt on and moved on to his briefs and socks. When he had learned one thing over the last years from Jeff, it was how to handle yourself while being handicapped. He had always been fascinated how Jeff had gotten dressed all by himself, be it shirt or pants. Jeff had really been a good teacher. 

After getting his pants on Jase looked back at him, wondering what Jeff's mom would have been like. He never had met her and they never had time to talk about it. Just then there was a knock on the door and he got up. 

"I'll get it," Jase told him and went to the door. But he had to pace himself, as he was way too eager to smell some real fresh air without being shot at.

Irimsaya waited for someone to open the door. Kaidan had gone on ahead to the airlock to make sure everything was ready.

Jase stepped outside, so Jeff could get ready. "Hey sis. Are we late?"

"No, Kaidan was getting antsy so I sent him to the airlock - he was driving me insane. I guess he just really wants to get to his mom. So I thought I'd come see if you guys were about ready."

"Can't blame him," he replied with a smile, knowing they'd be nervous too to see their mother again. "We'll be there in a few minutes."

  


Kaidan was pacing outside, scanning the area and was peering into their shuttle again. Cortez was already there and waiting too and Kaidan kept looking at the Normandy, waiting for the rest of them to emerge. At least the day really was going to be sunny. He smiled then when he saw Saya and hurried to her, taking her hand in his and nearly didn't recognize Jase, who was wearing a black leather jacket, black hoodie under it, with black pants and... a black cap on his hat. He eyed Saya and was happy to see she was at least wearing some lighter colors. In fact..

"You look beautiful. She'll love you."

Irimsaya smiled shyly at him as she took her hand. She couldn't recall ever seeing him in jeans and a t-shirt before. He looked so different... so sexy... she was having trouble keeping her mind on the task at hand. The summer dress she had chosen for herself was a white one with red flowers that matched her hair. It, thankfully, fit over her tummy which was slowly getting bigger.

"Thanks." She said quietly. "You look pretty uhm... sexy like that. How come you never wear those clothes on the ship?"

Kaidan chuckled softly as he placed a kiss onto her cheek and laid his arm around her waist. "You know there's a very important person who wouldn't be able to let me go and do my work. Who's sometimes too fascinated with my behind." He pressed another kiss onto her hair. "Well, today you can be fascinated all you want, because there's no work to be done. And mom's been baking cookies for us, of course she claimed she was baking some for the whole neighborhood to celebrate my homecoming." And Kaidan was sure James would take good care of the ship and watch their cargo like a hawk.

Jase was watching Saya and Kaidan with a grin as he waited a little for Jeff to catch up the few steps with him. Once he felt the man next to him he reached out and took his hand in his. Jase then closed his eyes and turned his face towards the warm sun and inhaled the air deeply. It was incredible.

"Cookies huh? You do realize you're making me hungry right?" Joker laughed quietly.

"Anything makes you hungry!" Jase grinned at Jeff and looked at his sister then. The pair was slowly walking towards the shuttle.

"Shut up Joker."

"Shutting up ma'am."

  


Kaidan looked at his home and couldn't help smiling. On the porch of the house was a pleasant looking woman who waited for them. The trees surrounding their home were wonderful to behold and only a small area around the house was clear of them. Spruce trees, Evergreens - they all seemed to stand at attention. The woman stood up from the stairs when she saw them coming and ran to meet her son.

"Kaidan." The woman's voice was hushed but full of love and happiness at seeing him. Her warm brown eyes sparkled in the sunlight that managed to get through the trees and her dark brown hair was tied in a bun on the top of her head. "Welcome home sweetheart."

"Mom." Kaidan looked her once over, realizing she's gotten some more grey in her hair then the last time he had seen her and then he gave her a good long hug. "I've missed you, mom." Kaidan slowly turned then and looked at his Saya. "Mom, this is Irimsaya, my wife." He held out his hand for her so she could come over.

Irimsaya slowly and shyly came over.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Alenko." 

Kaidan's mother looked Saya up and down, her eyes settling on her stomach. But then she smiled and enveloped Saya into a warm hug.

"The pleasure is mine my new daughter. Come on in - it was hard scraping together the ingredients for cookies so I don't want them to go to waste. And judging from the look in your eyes I would say the cookie craving has already kicked in."

Irimsaya grinned at her and nodded.

Kaidan chuckled and let Saya go in first. "I have missed her. Her cookies are legendary here."

"I'm still surprised that Joker and Jase found that vacant cabin to rent. At least they have somewhere - maybe Jase will be able to recuperate better there."

Irimsaya followed Kaidan's mom into the living area of the house and sank into the soft sofa when invited to do so by her husband.

"Oh thank you Kaidan... this is heavenly."

"It's a good area to relax and go on vacation," Kaidan gave her a smile and slipped off her shoes, massaging her feet a little. He loved being home again and pictured their kids running around here, just like he had done when he was little. "It's a wonderful place to grow up, actually."

Irimsaya stared at him in surprise, his mother still off gathering them cookies and drinks.

"I thought you wanted to go to Eden Prime..."

"Yes, it would just be.. you know, leaving her all alone and by herself, when we could have such a wonderful place. I don't know Saya, it just.. makes you think with the war and everything. I don't want to sell it." He would keep it and be able to always come home. Kaidan got up after putting on her shoes again and gave her a kiss. Then he'd go to wash his hands and give his mom a hand. 

Irimsaya watched him leave then closed her eyes. There were too many memories of Earth for her but she wouldn't sully Kaidan's wishes. If he wanted them to live here then she would sacrifice her dream for his. Just as she would give her life to save his. She winced when one of the little ones kicked a bit for the first time.

"Easy down there... everything's okay, I promise."

Kaidan's mom looked up when he came into the kitchen.

"Your wife seems like a wonderful person. From all the stories I've heard about her I wasn't sure what to expect."

"Mmh, a war hero, saving many lives? What have you heard mom?"

"I'm more concerned about the Cerberus aspect of all that. Honey she worked for them. Are you sure she's still not part of their little group?"

Kaidan sighed at this. "Mom, we took them down. They're gone."

"Mmh... Maybe so but how do you know for sure? Were you with her when she did? Because I'm pretty sure that was the time you were moping to me over comms."

Kaidan shook his head and sighed softly again, "Mom, I was there. Her brother and I took them down. Their base is gone and the man behind it, too."

"Mmm... well we'll see. So how are my grandchildren doing? You mentioned there might be complications?"

"Yes mom." He went on and explained that too. "They brought her back, but it only gives us more and more problems."

She nodded thoughtfully.

"Alright well you two can stay here as long as you want or need to."

"Thanks, mom. We need to be in London tomorrow as Admiral Anderson wants to see us. But after this, I don't know yet. Everything is so uncertain at the moment. One day we're being sent to take in and transport refugees, the next day it's hurt people or cargo." Kaidan turned and gave her a kiss on her cheek. "I'm glad you're fine, the war is over and we all can .. move on." Kaidan took the tray with the cookies and tea, thinking about his dad and if they would be able to bury him.

Irimsaya was eagerly waiting for them and snatched a cookie up as soon as the tray was close enough.

"Everything okay you two?"

Kaidan nodded at her and placed everything onto the table. "I could show you my old room, after having tea and cookies." He just hoped his mother wouldn't want to start showing around his childhood pictures. 

"Hmmm that'd be nice but I'm okay just sitting too. By the way one of the juniors in there has learned how to kick."

"Oh? And I missed it." Kaidan replied, sat down and took a cookie to eat it. He was very upset about his mom asking him about Cerberus. He tried to hide it because these two women were too good with reading people and he didn't want to ruin the day. 

"Your cookies are delicious as always mom."

She smiled at him.

"Thank you Kaidan I just wish your father was here to share them." She bowed her head.

"So there's been no word then," Saya asked, concern colouring her voice.

"None.."

Kaidan nodded and looked thoughtful, he didn't want to believe his dad had been turned into a husk or something worse, or having ended up.. someplace else just to be processed. He grimaced a little, he shouldn't think about this at all. Better to remember him the way he was when he had seen him last.

"Where was he seen last, mom?"

"Near Fleet HQ sweetie. The first blast zone."

Irimsaya winced, having been in the middle of that one herself.

Kaidan was shocked and looked at Saya, chances were.. "I'm sorry, mom." It's been too long.

She shook her head.

"I won't give up on him Kaidan. He knows how to survive. I won't give up until he's either brought home in a car or a casket."

Kaidan nodded, but knew that was before any of the Reapers had hit earth and his dad wasn't the youngest anymore either. He didn't know what to say, he shouldn't agree with her, yet the truth was too brutal. 

"Yes mom. I hope he'll come home in a car." He paused as he needed to change the topic. "How have the neighbors been?

"Scared shitless just like me I think. But most survived because we are in such a small area. At least that's what the military supply truck that comes by once a week tells us."

Irimsaya put her drink down and grabbed Kaidan's hand and put it on her stomach.

"Feel!" Saya had a grin on her face.

Kaidan looked up in surprise and wow, they were a lively bunch. He laughed a little, "Someone has to teach him soccer, I'm sure that's our little boy." 

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow.

"Are you saying girls can't kick ass?" She grinned at him.

"Hey," he protested while giving her a grin, "I remember you were kicking some reaper ass back on the Citadel." He turned to look at his mom. "My wife is the one who killed Sovereign on the Citadel, she's a hero."

"Well it's nice to meet a genuine hero then."

"Excuse me, I saw a washroom when we came in I'm just going to go use it." Irimsaya kissed Kaidan gently then disappeared to locate it.

"Kaidan how far along in that pregnancy is she?" His mom turned her eyes to him.

Kaidan watched her go, he loved the swing of her dress and how she walked. It looked a lot better on her than just wearing pants and military clothes in general. 

"Well, I think she's got about four more months to go." 

His mom looked at him oddly.

"I didn't think she was that far along judging from the message you sent when it was confirmed."

"Yes, mom. Well, it's because of all those implants Cerberus put into her. The babies are growing a little faster because of this. And our Doctor says they'll need less time to develop than in an usual pregnancy."

"How much less sweetie? And the truth please. Are you sure it's going to be 4 more months? Because she looks like she only has maybe 2 months left..."

"I have been told it would be about three weeks earlier..." Kaidan replied thoughtfully. "Mom, I love her, there won't be any other woman for me. She's the only right one for me. If the babies come earlier, well, I can't change that. It's just, I'm scared for her. I don't want to lose her again."

"Kaidan... sweetie... why are you so scared? Is she in poor health?"

'Mothers', Kaidan thought and truly he hadn't spoken to anyone about his fears, not Jase, not Joker, not Saya. Things had been too busy and impossible, or crazy if he was to use Joker's words and truly, he needed someone to just go and share his fears with. So he made it quick, telling her about Saya's problems and was hoping Saya wouldn't be back too soon, overhearing him confiding in his mom. It was nice to be just her boy again for a minute or two.

"Oh sweetie... is there anything I can do?"

Kaidan just shook his head. "Nothing mom, unless you know someone who's an expert with implants, cybernetics, genetics and birth." He sighed and silently added Reaper tech in his mind.

"Well I know the Asari are pretty good with that stuff... what about that Liara girl you mentioned. Or there is that alien that appeared suddenly from nowhere that the Jenson's nursed back to health. I think they call him Javik. Maybe he can help."

Kaidan was going to reply but when his mother mentioned the name Javik he quickly stood up. "Javik?! He's here? The Jenson's found him? Excuse me mom, I will explain later." He ran to Saya. 

"Saya, I think I know where Javik is. Come, he's up the street!" He took her by the hand to lead her along.

Irimsaya had just finished washing her hands when Kaidan burst in with the news about Javik and grabbed her hand then started dragging her along.

"Are you sure???"

"She said an alien appeared out of nowhere and he's called Javik. How could he end up here, all the way from London?" Kaidan led her up the street, towards the house where Javik was supposed to be.

"The beam from the citadel maybe? Perhaps when the Crucible fired something... happened to the beam to save him? I mean maybe it recognized his dna or something..."

Kaidan nodded and ringed the bell. "Or he found a shuttle and used it... fell unconscious.. whatever." As the door opened Kaidan spoke to the neighbors and they were soon allowed to enter the house.

  


An hour later and they were three people heading back to Kaidan's mom. 

Javik walked behind them slightly,

"I am most gratified you finally found me Major. The people who found me have a strange way of treating injuries."

Irimsaya smiled to herself at that.

"Of all of the places on earth, you ended up close to my mother's house. That's some kind of luck you had and I won't question it. We surely need you back on the Normandy." 

Kaidan proceeded to lead them back, intending on updating the prothean once they were back inside. This also included his mom and it took some good time of explaining on his part and Saya filling in the other blanks and Kaidan didn't even realize how fast time was running by.

Irimsaya glanced at the chronometer on the nearby wall.

"Kaidan - we're supposed to meet up with Joker and Jase for dinner..."

Kaidan looked at the time and shook his head. "I'm sorry I nearly forgot and of course time's flying again."

"The Commander and his pilot mate are here, too?" Javik spoke up, finding this family meeting amusing already.

"Yes they're having some alone time.. I'll go get my stuff." Irimsaya answered.

Once she was gone Kaidan turned to Javik.

"I'm going to need your help with her if you don't mind..." He told Javik what was going on with the pregnancy.

"I am only a soldier, Major. But perhaps I could try and scan her nervous system." Whatever good this would do, Javik didn't know though.

"Well, Javik. Right now I think every little offer of help could give Dr. Chakwas an idea of how to help my wife and our children. The young ones." Kaidan remembered Javik had been calling them like this.

"The young ones. Of course, I will help." Javik nodded.

Kaidan nodded his thanks at the alien, then he wondered if they should invite his mom to their dinner. The cabin wasn't so far away and they could always drop her off back home. And she could think of something else than her missing husband.

"Mom, would you like to come and have dinner with us?" he asked her, but threw in something else. "There's enough food for all of us and I could spend some more time with you."

Kaidan's mom looked surprised and she smiled.

"Kaidan - I would love to. As long as I won't be interrupting your time with your friends of course."

Irimsaya came back into the room and sat down slowly to wait.

Kaidan smiled at her and said, "You won't, mom," before he found Saya's eyes. "Ready to leave, Commander." Kaidan winked at her. 

Irimsaya nodded her head and stood up again, her body a bit wobbly and Javik moved quickly to steady her.

"Kaidan - next time you get me pregnant it damned well better not be twins again.."

Kaidan rushed to her side and nodded at the alien who gave him an interesting look. "I've got her, thank you Javik. And Saya, I will.. uuh.. try." Kaidan had some trouble to get their little group now going, they were already running a little late.

Irimsaya let Kaidan guide her down the road to where Jase and Joker were staying while Kaidan's mom walked with Javik, keeping a conversation going with the alien all the way to the cabin.

Kaidan kept glancing at Saya as they walked figuring she was in one of her moods and he just gave her a soft kiss. It was more surprising that Javik actually kind of agreed of talking to his mother, knowing the alien wasn't overly fond of being questioned and his mother just excelled at this art.

"There's Joker." Kaidan softly pointed out to Saya.

And Jase was occasionally peeking around the corner to watch his man from behind while sitting on their bench. The area was beautiful and he had a great view from there while the last sun rays were warming him. Jase yawned and rubbed his eyes before stuffing his hands back into his jacket's pockets. At least his own spot was still warm and he could hear soft chatter now.

Irimsaya smiled at Kaidan when he kissed her then pointed out Joker.

"Alright where on Earth did he find a 'kiss the cook' apron..." She smiled but there was strain in her eyes.

Joker looked over at Jase.

"They're heeeeeeeerrreeee."

Kaidan just laughed at this and shook his head, he knew who would have to do all the kissing and it wasn't him. "As long as he doesn't request one for handing out a steak," he smirked. "Can he even cook?"

Jase nodded and got up, slowly joining him. He eyed them and … "Javik..? My god.., Javik?!" Jase wanted to go to him, give him a hug or something like a clap on his back, but remembered the alien wasn't so fond of this. "I thought you were dead!" Or vaporized.

"I am alive, Commander."

Jase rolled his eyes a little before he replied, "Yeah, looks like you are." That little sneaky alien was alive and he wondered how he ended up here. Then there was silence, no chatter for a few seconds and Jase looked at them all. "What.."

Irimsaya smiled at her brother.

"Haven't seen you this happy in a long time my brother. It's good to see you smile again." She gripped Kaidan's arm a bit tighter and whispered to him. "I really need to sit down honey."

Joker turned his eyes to his commander and noticed how pale she looked. He frowned a bit and nudged Jase.

"Get her sitting before she falls over." He mumbled to his husband.

Jase nodded but saw that Kaidan already took care of this. "There's a bench around the corner," he suggested, it also had a blanket on it and Jase figured she'd need it. Then his eyes fell on Mrs. Alenko.

"I'm sorry, where are my manners. It's nice to see you, Mrs. Alenko."

She smiled at Jase.

"Why thank you... and you are?"

Irimsaya sat down slowly with Kaidan's help then snorted a little when he wrapped her in the blanket.

"Now you're being overprotective Kaidan.. I'm not cold."

Kaidan chuckled, knowing she'd feel cold soon enough. "Believe me, you aren't cold **yet**. Well, and if you are, I'll warm you." He gave her a kiss.

"I'm," he paused for a second, "Jase, Irimsaya's brother. And this here is Jeff, my husband. He's our cook tonight." He grinned a little, knowing well enough who would end up working on their steaks.

"Yeah uhm... Jase? How do you turn this thing on again?" Joker looked over at him.

Irimsaya covered her mouth but couldn't contain the giggle.

Jase groaned a little and gave him a smile, "Come on tiger, let me do it..." 

Joker moved out of the way.

"With pleasure sir, with pleasure."

Irimsaya huddled down into the blanket, listening to the others talk. Her head was pounding but she didn't want to say anything - she wanted to be here, with her family and friends.

Jase snatched a kiss from Joker and his eyes fell onto Saya's face. So it was one of those days again, he figured, where she wasn't doing well and Jase was glad to see Kaidan pulling her closer. Jeff handed him their steaks and Jase kept himself busy with them, listening to Mrs. Alenko talking to Javik. At least she wasn't grilling him, he thought with a grin. The first steak was going to be ready soon. 

"Alright people, first steak's ready soon. Who wants it?"

"I think our friend Javik should be allowed to test it. He's only been given rations from the Jenson's." Mrs. Alenko spoke up.

Irimsaya leaned against Kaidan and put her head on his shoulder.

Jase nodded and put it onto the plate, luckily he knew Javik could eat it and handed it to him. 

"There you go, Javik."

"Thank you, Commander." The alien replied and Jase watched him walk away. So he still liked to keep to himself, but he couldn't blame him. Actually, he often felt the same way lately again. Last survivor... Only Javik had slept 50.000 years, too. And Jase had a lot of questions, how did he survive at the beam, how did he end up here? He knew he'd think about it later, but right now he wanted to enjoy the time. It had been the right decision not to take the painkillers as he was awake. Granted, he was in a lot of pain but it's been worth it.

"Saya, inside is a bed, if you need it."

Irimsaya smiled a little, her lips white.

"Nah, the little ones are hungry now, that steak smells really good. But thanks for the offer Jase."

Jase nodded, not really having the mental strength to argue or even win an argument, instead the next Steak went right to her. He kept an eye on her though and sat down on the chair close by.

Irimsaya ate her steak quietly and sighed in content when it was gone.

"That was wonderful Jase, thank you... where did you guys manage to find steak?"

"My private stock." He eyed her and was glad to see the color returning to her face. "We never had time after we beat the Collectors."

"Well I'm happy you still had it." She smiled then snuggled back down in the blanket looking like she was about to disappear inside it.

Kaidan's mom was watching her, concern in her eyes.

Jase was watching her and noticed Kaidan kept an eye on her too after wrapping his arm around her as best as he could. 

"You can have my steak, too. I'm not hungry." Jase offered. It upset him seeing her like this.

Irimsaya shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips.

"It's okay, but thank you Jase. You saved them, you eat it. I'm okay, I promise."

"Okay." Jase replied, silently working on the rest of their steaks while listening to Jeff and Kaidan who were talking with Mrs. Alenko and even Javik seemed to have a few things to say here and there now. 

Jase kept an eye on Saya. She looked as tired as he felt. Luckily the bench offered room for two people and he sat down next to her once all the steaks were done. 

"Hey.."

"Hey.." Irimsaya smiled a bit. "You really are a good cook you know."

Jase smiled a little and looked down at his hands before watching the others. Kaidan and Jeff were enjoying a beer while Kaidan's mom was watching her son and Javik apparently studied the sunset now. Obviously he had been having enough of the conversation with Mrs. Alenko. Jase wondered what it would be like now for the alien as he was able to learn what peace actually meant. 

It wouldn't be for long either and Cortez would pick them up which was something he didn't look forward to. To top it off he had heard a rumour about going to London the next day and Chakwas wanted to see him before that. Jase had a feeling about what was going to happen next, get poked and prodded, get asked about mental state of mind, forward the report to.. he wondered. Had he forgotten? He could have sworn somewhere he had heard Anderson was alive. Someone moved against his right leg and he looked up, for a few seconds he even had forgotten Saya was there and she had made a compliment. Jase gave her another smile. 

"Thanks. There hadn't been a lot of time for this either. And thanks for getting me off the ship and out here. But what about you, how are you and the babies today?" 

He knew they had spoken about it yesterday in her cabin, but somehow he felt a lot different today, not as heavily disconnected from himself as before, head a lot clearer at the moment and he actually could deal with other people having problems. 

In the background he heard Kaidan and Jeff saying 'cheers' to each other and Mrs. Alenko walked over to sit down with them.

"Jase...I don't know... one of them is already kicking. Honestly, I'm scared shitless." Her voice was shaking and quiet.

"And that's too early? They shouldn't yet...?" Jase sighed. "You aren't alone in this, we're still a team and there has to be something. Something."

"I know... I just wish..I don't know. In a way I wish they were ready to be born now..."

And what would be when, he wondered. If he was to give up on her he would give up on himself, too. And this wasn't going to be.

"Every mother's wish. And dad's." Jase said thoughtfully, thinking of Kaidan too. After a little while he eyed the blanket, "Some room under there left for me to join? Always thought Noveria was cold." 

Irimsaya raised an eyebrow.

"I guess you and I are the only ones feeling the cold."

She opened the blanket for him.

"Thanks." Jase shuddered a little and cuddled close while seeking the warmth. "Chakwas said it'll pass." He yawned now, it had been a wonderful day so far. "You can lean onto me, I won't break. Just slow and careful." He really felt like a twin now and enjoyed being close to her. Which brought him back to thinking about her problem. 

Kaidan came over and grinned at the pair, he wanted to take a picture of them. "You two, stay put for a second, will you." 

Jase just rolled his yes at this but flashed him a quick grin.

"When did I ever get the chance to have both of you actually sitting down and relaxing?" Kaidan asked, already thinking of another picture after this one.

"Never?" Jase asked Kaidan teasingly. "And this only works because we both aren't at our.. ah.. best."

"Yeah, well, I've got an idea. Joker, stand behind Jase, Javik, take the left side of Joker and.. mom, come to my side."

Kaidan hurried to stand behind Saya and tried to take her hand while his right arm went around his mother's shoulder. Jase just grinned at Saya and shook his head a little, then he felt a hand sneaking onto his shoulder and he leaned a little into it, knowing it was Jeff's. It was unfair, he thought, that Jeff had to stand behind him.

"When did you sneak that cam in?" Jase asked as the pic was taken.

"I didn't, it's mom's. It was her idea." Kaidan laughed and gave his mom a kiss onto her cheek before he leaned down to give Saya a kiss too.

Jase looked up at Jeff. "You know... I should get one too."

"I could give you one, Commander." Javik coolly stated, apparently trying out humor.

Kaidan burst out laughing then and Jase looked their prothean, starting to chuckle. "Javik...! With those … mph?" He was going to say 'teeth' but a certain someone beat him and shut him up by kissing him.

Kaidan was laughing even more now. "Go Joker, go! You're the only one who can make him shut up without getting shot."

Jase was breathless when Jeff let go of him, he was looking into his eyes but the words were meant for Kaidan. "You just watch your ass, Alenko. If your wife doesn't get it first."

Irimsaya just shook her head at them and snuggled back down into the blanket, leaning against Jase.

"That picture would've been better if I actually looked good... no makeup on right now..."

"Bah, you look as lovely as ever ma'am," Joker stated solemnly but with a grin on his face because he was trying to make Jase jealous.

Jase wanted to reply that she indeed always looked lovely... He stopped and frowned. "So, three years ago you were openly ogling my sister in her bikini and later in her dress and you still do? Mr. Flyboy...," he said teasingly, "I occasionally remember.. things."

"Wait a minute here! In my BIKINI??? WHEN??" Saya sat up a bit straighter at that, shock in her eyes.

Joker grumbled under his breath. "Yeah you just had to say that didn't you hubby of mine. She's gonna make me scrub the cockpit now... bet you any money on that!"

Jase snorted at first and then he was chuckling. Which ended up with him laughing and having to hold his chest. "Suits you right," he laughed and went on to explain. "Back at the Citadel, in the pools. You didn't know we were there. Handsome tiger here, noticed you. 'Holy shit!' He said. Have fun in the cockpit, Jeff."

Irimsaya glared at Joker.

"Damn right you're scrubbing the cockpit mister. Staring at me in my bikini... good grief man."

She winced and slid back down in the blanket.

Jase raised his eyebrows at this. Ouch. It had been a joke. He cast a glance at Jeff and knew he too was in trouble now. "Sis, it was in the public pool. And I gotta give him credit where it's due, he's right, you look good."

"Yes, but he was ogling my wife. You said it yourself." Kaidan replied.

"So what? We're all adults. He can look if he wants to, but not taste." He wasn't going to say that he too, was ogling Kaidan's butt from time to time, or enjoyed the sight of Vega or even the blue eyes from Cortez. Or purred inwardly at the sexy dialect from Donnelly. Jase crossed his arms and wondered if he just had ruined a good evening.

But Mrs. Alenko was watching Saya carefully.

"Son, we should get her lying down, she doesn't look good..."

Jase got up to make room for Kaidan and went to stand at the door, in case he had to open it. He wrapped his arms around himself to keep the little bit of warmth inside his jacket.

"Saya, what's wrong?" Kaidan asked, gently touching her face. 

She threw the blanket off, sweat pouring down her face.

"Don't know... feel weird... I'll be okay it's probably nothing."

"Maybe we should get you back to Dr. Chakwas. Cortez should be here soon to pick us up," Jase replied, feeling bad now that she got upset.

Kaidan touched her hair gently. "You're burning hot suddenly. Do you want to lay down?" He didn't know if he should pick her up or sit down next to her to take her into her arms or whatever it was she needed right now. It scared him.

"I don't know Kaidan.. nothing feels right... everything is wrong.. it feels wrong... so wrong...."

Mrs. Alenko got up quickly.

"One of you get that doctor of yours here. Now." She said as she moved over to Saya and Kaidan.

Jase stepped aside after he pushed the door open. Kaidan had picked up Saya and carried her inside.

"Normandy? Yes, Shepard here. We need Dr. Chakwas here, send her with Cortez.... Yes... No, tell her it's about my sister... Yes. Got it. Double time, it!"

"Javik, you're with me. Jeff, stay here, okay? I have to go and show Chakwas the way."

Irimsaya was shivering in Kaidan's arms as he carried her inside.

Joker nodded at Jase, staring at the cabin.

Jase took off with Javik, showing him the way and once the shuttle had landed he told Javik to bring Dr. Chakwas to the cabin. As shaky and wheezy he already was, Jase decided to stay and sit down in the shuttle, but it was hard, not knowing what was about to happen with Saya.

Kaidan barely heard Javik coming back as he was scanning Saya, trying to figure out what was going on, but nothing made real sense to him. The babies were fine and her heartbeat was strong which gave him some hope.

"Major?" Chakwas entered the room. "What's going on??"

"Her readings are all jumbled up, she gets hold and cold. But the babies are fine and she's got a strong heartbeat."

Javik had silently entered the room and spoke up from behind. He had scanned her earlier the day after talking with Kaidan.

"Her nervous system is in disarray. It must have become worse." But he couldn't explain it at all. "It is very different from the Commander's brother. I am sorry, but I am no doctor." And he knew he could help if he was one. Instead Javik went and transferred what he had seen.

Kaidan just watched when he saw what he was doing and Dr. Chakwas' face told him she had an idea now of what was happening. Not a second later and she was ushering commands to him.

Jase had sat down, using the three seats in a row to get comfortable and had huddled into the corner. He closed his eyes and just hit the comm. "Jeff, what's going on up there?"

Joker picked up his comm.

"Jase? Where the heck are you? You had me worried sick!! I don't know what's going on - Mrs. Alenko and I stayed outside."

"I'm fine. Stayed at the shuttle, in case we have to leave quick," Jase replied. 

There was no way he could go back up to the cabin and back down to the shuttle. Now he'd have to wait on news. Jase silently listened to the chatter going on from James and Steve, he caught the words London and tomorrow, leaving in a few hours. Great, so no one had told him. Jase pondered asking Jeff about it, but found it wasn't worth it. Saya was more important.

Chakwas sighed in relief when, after she and Kaidan were done, Saya opened her eyes and looked confused.

"You're going to be fine Commander. Thanks to Javik here."  


Kaidan was just glad they had found Javik as he took Saya's hand into his. "Do I even want to understand what's been happening here, Doctor?"

Chakwas turned to Kaidan.

"Her nervous system was collapsing - slowly. I had no way to see it because it was the implants doing it. But thanks to Javik... I think she's going to be alright. I'm still not sure if she'll survive the twins... but I'm determined not to let her go."

Kaidan figured these implants were as much a curse as a blessing. He sighed softly and squeezed her hand gently. "We should be leaving for the Normandy, soon." He said as he took a nearby chair to sit down next to the bed. "I think, at the end of your pregnancy my hair will be grey..." Kaidan joked a little, not noticing Chakwas had left the room and gone outside.

Irimsaya smiled a little and reached up, fingering his hair gently.

"Hmmm already is sweetie. We should do something about that... you're too young to be grey."

Kaidan gave her a soft snort and leaned down to rest his head next to hers. "I don't mind grey as long as I have you at my side."

Irimsaya kissed him gently.

"I love you so much Kaidan. And I want a promise from you. I want you to promise me that if I don't make it.... I want you to promise me you'll look after them. Teach them. Don't leave them."

"They are my children Saya, I could never.. leave them." Then he got it. "Oh. But I want a promise from you, too. To never leave us.. behind."

Irimsaya stroked his head gently, not answering as she closed her eyes.

Joker picked up his comm after being brought up to date by Chakwas.

"Yo Jase, she's okay... for now."

Jase sighed in relief and tried to get a bit more comfortable. Jase knew she's had it rough, again. But he needed to know. "Thanks Jeff. Are they coming to the shuttle? Heard something about being in London in a few hours."

Joker swore into the comm.

"I uh... I'll go remind them. Joker out."

He slowly went back into the house and went straight to where Kaidan and Saya were.

"Kaidan? Jase said we're supposed to be in London in a couple of hours?"

Kaidan pulled a face, he had all but forgotten about it and nodded at Joker. "He's right. Maybe Javik can help you to tidy up the cabin the a little." He tried to lighten the mood a little while looking at Saya. "I guess I get to carry you again." 

Irimsaya snorted a bit and opened her eyes, well aware that she hadn't made the promise to Kaidan.

"In your dreams Alenko. I got this." She sat up slowly, grateful when both he and Joker steadied her as she stood up.

Kaidan gave her his best humour me look and was going to say Joker shouldn't help but knowing Joker, Kaidan was sure the man knew how far to push himself. After all he felt grateful though. "Shepard and the big ego. I should write a book about you. Well, actually Joker should co-author it with me. It might make a best seller, I'm sure."

Irimsaya glared at him.

"Careful Major or you can help Joker with the cockpit." She said teasingly.

"I wouldn't complain!!" Joker spoke up with a knowing grin at Kaidan.

Kaidan smirked at them both. "And who's having command of the ship right now? Yes... that's right and you would still end up cleaning it all by yourself Joker. But I have mercy, since you have to deal with your very own Shepard. I might just join you and help a little. Like.. cleaning a window."

"Damn." Saya muttered. "Hey hang on, I'm kind of on my feet, I want my command back now Major."

Joker grinned at Kaidan as Mrs. Alenko came over.

"Son, I heard you have to leave... come back soon alright? I miss you."

Kaidan muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like 'I have learned from the best.'

"Mom, I promise it won't be as long again and perhaps I can give you a tour of the Normandy and take you for a ride." Kaidan knew he'd really like to do this. With his free hand he gave her a hug and a kiss on her cheek. "Love you, mom. Stay safe."

His mom gently hugged him.

"Love you too and you stay safe too. Not to mention you better take care of my daughter-in-law and those two grandchildren of mine." She grinned then headed home.

Irimsaya looked at Kaidan with a smirk.

"You just got ordered to take care of me."

Kaidan hummed happily at this comment. "Yes, of course she would. She likes you." And of course it wouldn't need an order anyway. But his mother approved. He gave Saya a kiss and helped her getting to the shuttle. "And as soon as we're back at the ship I want you to get some more rest, my dear wife." 

"That sounded suspiciously like an order Major.."

"I think it was ma'am." Joker spoke up but shut up at the look he got from both of them. "Okay shutting up again."

He looked up and smiled as Javik joined them and soon they were at the shuttle.

Kaidan found he enjoyed having command and make them do as he saw it fit. The ride back to the ship was uneventful and as soon as they were back he made sure Saya got some sleep before he met with James. But, he should have known Jase was going to grill him as soon as he stepped out of his cabin and saw the look on his face. He knew it. The man had a few questions and he answered them. Kaidan didn't know if it was good or not, but Anderson didn't budge and wanted to see him.

Kaidan nudged Jase a little, "Joker's in the cockpit. No, not cleaning it, but he needs to fly his ship from time to time. Do us all a favour and get some sleep. Yes, that's an order." Kaidan grinned at him.

"You do enjoy command, huh," Jase replied, somewhat amused and nodded, going back to his cabin.

  


London. They were going to London and Jase kept pacing his cabin. Actually, he was mostly limping around but his nerves had gotten the better of him and if poor Jeff would be here, he'd be driving him crazy once again. After they had come back from their wonderful time at the cabin he had been ready to drop dead into his bed, but the confirmed news that Anderson wanted to see him and that it was supposed to be in London, in the very same HQ, had robbed him of all possible sleep for now.

They had left Vancouver more than an hour ago and it had been late in the evening. With the time difference it left them only with three hours of sleep before they were supposed to meet with Anderson. He had overheard people saying the Sol Mass Relay had started working again. Which would hopefully mean the fleets could go back home at some point soon. And his fish and hamster were lucky, they still had some food left. All the poor people who were suffering from hunger and sickness, all over the galaxy. And he had grilled his small family some bloody steaks. It hadn't been fair, shouldn't have done it.

With a deep sigh Jase rubbed his face and sat down at his terminal, pulling up the screen. It still showed a lot of the numbers he had collected over the past weeks, numbers of people dead and missing, numbers of planets which had vanished off the radar, like Bekenstein or Tiptree. Jase's gaze travelled up to the big screen where his other notes were. He stood up and removed all of them, stuffed them into the bin and looked at it, feeling somewhat satisfied. It was the past. And yet it wasn't.

Tiptree. Hilary. Or "Gunny", as Jeff had told him. Fifteen years young, wanting to be a pilot one day like her big brother. And Jeff was 31 years old. Married. Things had clicked into place more than two weeks ago. Before he had gone to London. Remembered the asari in the Huerta Hospital, talking about a girl, who's name was Hilary. On Tiptree.

How the hell was he supposed to tell Jeff that sorry, your sister is dead, some asari had shot her 'cause she was afraid of being given away to a group of freaking banshee? The asari hadn't been like Saya, or him. Trying to find a way to keep civil casualties at a minimum or risking your own god damn life to save those innocent people. But maybe he was faulting her by mistake. He hadn't been there and with Hilary being Jeff's little sister it had become personal. Maybe she had done the right thing. Or maybe she'd made the wrong decision. Jase just didn't know. But he knew it made him angry once again.

And now he was going back to London. Earth. Scorched, raped, a wasteland with glaring huge burning holes where once cities had been. Endless lives had been harvested and yet, it would recover, time given. It always had. Nature always does. But it would never be the same.

He had ignored Vancouver, knowing how beautiful a city it once had been, having been there years back visiting Kaidan's parents. Hadn't looked down this time, not wanting to see it being destroyed. A little part of his own home, years ago. Arcturus Station was destroyed too, another home gone. And Jeff's mother. 

Jase remembered that years ago, Jeff had been there for him after Virmire, after he knew his own world was lost, had held him at that night in his bunk when he had cried and wept. It wasn't fair, it felt wrong and not even right, unreal and yet real.

The pencil he held snapped into two pieces and Jase was growling softly. He had no strength to walk the ship but could break a pencil. And then there was Saya. He turned back to his terminal and tried to search and read, but he couldn't focus on it. Instead he gave in and pulled up some current pictures of London. Better to see it on screen first, it might be easier.

After five minutes Jase looked at his bar and shook his head. No. He wouldn't start with alcohol. It had been close enough after Akuze, had driven off his boyfriend at the time and he would **not** put Jeff through more of his erratic behaviour. Sex could have been another option but it couldn't be done yet. Still too bruised and burned in all the wrong places. Or tender places. It was healing, slowly. 

Jase felt tired. Tired of being a soldier, a hero, or simply a tool to be used. He shut down the current page and pulled up his message folder which was glaringly empty. It made him frown. Perhaps they had cleared it out, knowing he couldn't stay away. Well, whatever it was, he had something else on mind though. Writing a letter, wanting to get a few months of leave. At least. Or if they weren't giving it to him, he'd just resign. He's had enough of being a soldier for now. And weapons. And death. 

His next mission was worded pretty simple: Rescue Saya. Form a future. Look forward.

Could he do it? He was sleeping more than a baby, kept running in circles at times and knew he was fighting off depressions too. He wanted a future, one that included Saya and the twins, on Eden Prime maybe. With Jeff. And maybe a small spaceship.

He was nearly finished when his eyes started to close on their own and he just managed to save the file before he gave in, folded his arms on his desk and just went to sleep.

  


Irimsaya slept restlessly, dreams haunting her. Ones that had the twins alive and both her and Kaidan dead. She gasped and say up, breathing hard and knew sleep would not come again for the rest of this night.

"Come back down here... you're supposed to rest and not.. gasp awake." Kaidan murmured from his bedside. He had laid down some time ago to get a nap, only to find himself not being able to sleep, doing too much of his own thinking.

"Can't sleep anymore tonight... Go back to sleep though. Just too many nightmares."

"Mmh..," Kaidan murmured, gently rubbing her back, "you've been having an awful lot of nightmares lately. Saya come on, come down. You're always acting like you're alone in this. But you aren't and you have me. Aren't we in this relationship together?" Kaidan kept rubbing her back but had a glance at the clock and he groaned a little about the darn time difference between London and Vancouver. He had just ten minutes left and then he needed to get up. 

"You know I think I should found a support group called, "How to deal with being in love with Shepard". Or, "How to handle Shepard". I would bet my last shirt Joker could need some support, too."

Irimsaya didn't crack a smile but she did lie back down with him.

"I dreamt that you were dead. We both were and our babies were alone.. and surrounded by husks."

Kaidan kept rubbing her back gently and his other hand took hers into his, resting their hands on his chest.

"Well, by the time our babies arrive there won't be any husks left and they will never be alone. They will have their daddy and mommy and uncles. And no matter what is going to happen, you have my promise, I'll never abandon my children. I'll teach, love and cherish them. Watch them grow up, together, with you." He knew she was going to object. 

"I know.. sshssh.. don't say it. I know. But let me dream, don't take this away from me. Each of us has their own demons to fight right now and they," he laid his hand on her belly, "they're our future, our hope. They'll be the first generation growing up after the Reapers. No one else had this chance yet. And right now I want to believe that we'll make it, beating the odds again, you know. Just like old times."

Irimsaya silenced him with a kiss, her cheeks wet from tears.

"I love you so much Kaidan Alenko... So much..."

Kaidan gave her a smile and kissed her then. Not even a minute later his watch went off and he groaned at it. "Alright... London calls. Anderson is waiting for us."

"Let me get into my uniform..." Saya got out of bed reluctantly and moved to her closet then slowly got dressed.

Kaidan silently followed her to help her into it. "Let me help you.. here.. that's better." Kaidan was a little worried that she went with them down to London, knowing the city looked really bad. But sadly it had to be done. "Are you going to be alright? If it's too much, you can stay here..."

"I'll be fine.. I don't want to be anywhere without you right now. I need us to be together, sorry. I don't know why exactly but I do."

Kaidan actually smiled at this. "To be honest, I like that and I'm glad to have you with me."

"Then let's go and get this over with so I can lie down again. Standing today feels so weird. Like I'm weighed down."

"Well, you do carry two babies in you." But just to be sure Kaidan laid his arm around her waist, in case she felt a little weak. "I'm here and will catch you." He promised her.

  


Jase sat on the med bed and looked at Dr. Chakwas after she was finished with him. "So Doc, I'm getting better."

Chakwas looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Considering you don't have any implants or anything you are doing remarkably well."

Jase was glad to hear it, it also meant he could start working on his shoulder and walk the ship more. Jase figured she had forwarded her report to Anderson as well and got off the bed. He just needed to ask Jeff something and then he'd be ready for London.

"Thanks, but I have a good Doctor. And Jeff."

"Yes well I wish your husband would take some lessons from you about taking medicine that's prescribed for him." She tossed Jase a bottle. "That's for Jeff."

Jase caught it and looked at it before he placed it into his pocket. "Thanks Doc." He wasn't going to tell her he hadn't taken any of the other painkillers over the last day either. But this was Jeff. And he would hate seeing him hurt. 

It took Jase a little while to reach his destination but once the door opened in front of him he had a smile on his face. "Jeff. Got a minute?" His hand was already in his pocket, fishing the bottle out of it.

Joker was sitting on the bed, rolling his head around to try and relax.

"What's up my man? Sorry Edi was being a pain today." He winced and looked up. "Sorry Edi!"

Jase nodded, he wasn't going to tell him he walked all the way up to the cockpit, thinking he was there but then he had set his mind on getting some exercise. But now he really wanted to spend some more time with him, something was up with Jeff.

"I am not easily offended. Samantha Traynor suggested to go 'easy on you'," Edi replied.

Jase handed him the bottle as he sat down, moving around to be behind him. "Doc sends her regards." Jase rubbed his hands together to warm them up a little and rubbed Jeff's neck carefully. "You're all worked up. Is it because of me?"

Joker groaned.

"I swear you have healing hands. Nah Edi decided to try and play some 'games' today."

Jase raised his eyebrows at this and considered talking to Edi once he was alone. "Got a question for you, it's kind of important." Jase gave his neck a small kiss. "If I were to resign today, or got leave, would you leave the ship behind and come with me, someplace?"

Joker grinned.

"Oh hell yeah... where would we go??"

Jase nuzzled his neck now. "Eden Prime.. or a beach."

"Can we do a beach? Please can we do a beach?? I'll beg!!"

Jase groaned softly at the idea, he was grinning and had some thoughts about it. "Of course, anything for you. With lots of beautiful people to drool over, then we go home, watch your porn collection and then... heaven." Now he had to stop that kind of thinking and slowly got up. "But first I have to conquer London."

"Please tell me Kaidan and Saya are going with you.."

"They are. I'm not alone." Jase replied while he leaned down a little to gently touch his face. "I'll be fine and back before you wake up." 

"Promises promises." Joker leaned against him gently. "Do me a favour and don't get hurt okay?"

Jase nodded at this. "Had my share of getting hurt, not looking for more." Then he turned and left, but looked down at Jeff once more before the door closed behind him.

The shuttle was already ready and the door was still open, Jase knew Saya and Kaidan were waiting inside and he was surprised to see James too. But then he remembered about his N7 program and guessed this was the reason why he was there. He was happy for him. Jase went to a free seat, sitting down across Saya and Kaidan and next to James and nodded at them.

"You okay bro? You look happy and sad..." Saya had a concerned look on her face.

"I'm... fine," he answered and wondered if he should tell them. The flight wasn't going to take very long, five minutes top and maybe it was better to tell. But what should he say, something like 'Just never thought my career as a soldier would end like this..?' 

Or 'I'm scared they'll do a parade or something and only see me as a hero which I'm not.' Because the soldiers who held the line against all impossible odds here on earth had it a lot harder than he had it on the Normandy and were a lot braver than him, Jase thought.

"I'm done fighting. I have two letters with me. A resignation and one asking for leave." Jase answered and felt everyone's eyes on him, including James'. 

Irimsaya nodded.

"I kind of figured you would - I probably would have done the same if it were me."

Her eyes moved to the landscape as they came in to land and she went pale, swallowing down a lump.

"Gods above..."

After the shuttle landed and the door opened Kaidan took her hand into his. This area really looked like .. Palaven. Jase came up behind them. "Yes.. at least we have daylight now. HQ is over there."

As soon as he saw them, Anderson strode over to them. He shook Kaidan's, James', and Jase's hands then he hugged Saya tightly.

"Welcome everyone, welcome." He smiled. "It is so good to see your faces here. Especially the face of a beautiful lady."

Saya blushed bright red at the compliment.

"But down to business. If memory serves me right, and since it rarely fails me there's no way I can be wrong, none of you have had any kind of vacation in a very long time. Well I have new orders for you - Hawaii. It was ignored by the Reapers so you should be able to find good accommodations and a damned good beach. You all have a month off and more if you request it." He grinned at the surprise and shock on their faces. "You have all earned it."

Jase was glad Anderson was down in the street with his men and they didn't need to climb all the way up over more than enough rubble. He grinned when Anderson greeted Saya but figured Kahlee Sanders would be jealous and somehow he had the feeling they might hear another pair of wedding bells soon. 

"Thank you sir. How has it been here, after the Crucible fired?" It was subtle, but Jase's hand found Saya's and held it. "Any other survivors?"

Anderson moved his eyes to Jase.

"I think you would be surprised how strong the will to live really is Shepard. You saved a lot more lives than I think you realize."

Jase wanted to reply something but paused, choosing his words carefully. "Thank you, sir. But I'm no hero. You and the soldiers here are the real ones, clearing the way for me. What about the Citadel?"

"The Citadel survived and can be repaired. As for you Shepard... as far as I'm concerned we're **all** heroes and if you try to argue that then as punishment I'll make your sister sit on you." Anderson grinned at him.

That earned Anderson a raised eyebrow and a snort. "Careful, she might just do that, sir." Jase listened as Saya talked some more until Jase thought he'd seen something blue. It was somewhere behind Anderson and he stepped aside.

"Liara...?" He practically jogged to her once he knew it was really her. "Liara!" And grabbed her into a hug.

Liara laughed and hugged him tightly, tears staining her blue skin.

"Shepard!! It is so good to see you alive!"

Jase laughed and squeezed her again, but carefully. He had never seen a bruise on an asari's face and it looked worse than human bruises. "It's good to see you, Liara. Got more news. Javik, he's alive too." He slowly led her back to the others. "You're coming with us, aren't you. Vacation, beach, ocean. Weren't you something like a fish once, too?" He teased her a little.

Liara hugged him again, this time with the arm she had wrapped around his waist.

"I would indeed love a chance to view Earth's oceans."

Jase just chuckled, slowly walking back with her to the others. He figured there'd be a bunch of bikinis around for Jeff to drool over, which probably included Liara. "Thank you for your gift. It helps.. a lot."

"As I knew it would."

"Liara!!" Saya ran to her and hugged her tightly, having missed her friend.

Jase chuckled softly as he heard Liara say it again, "Shepard!" He watched her touching Saya's belly and she looked up in surprise.

He joined Kaidan's side and was watching Liara and Saya. James was walking a little away, he and Anderson were talking quietly. Jase rubbed his eyes with a deep sigh and figured they had most of their crew back. Maybe Javik would now help Liara with her book.

Irimsaya closed her eyes as she felt one of the twins kick as Liara touched her stomach gently.

"One of them is bound to be a soldier judging from that kick."

Liara giggled softly at this. "It would not come as a surprise."

Jase went past them, giving them both a quick smile before he disappeared into the shuttle. He was exhausted, but still wanted to talk to the Admiral in private and sent him a message to his omni tool.

Kaidan joined Liara and Saya, "Well, two lovely women standing next to each other, I don't think I can pass this up."

Irimsaya looked at Kaidan with a soft smile.

"Don't make me jealous now."

Liara gently lifted Saya's shirt and gasped when she saw the small bruise forming on her stomach.

"This is not normal..."

"Yes well they don't have normal parents do they." Saya replied in an annoyed tone and yanked her shirt back down before Kaidan could see it.

Kaidan gave Saya a kiss but frowned at the two women.

  


Anderson received the message and went into the shuttle.

"What is it Commander?"

Jase scratched his head a little. "I know you just gave us four weeks of leave and I appreciate it, sir. I need some more time. I might not come back to active duty. For now."

Anderson sighed but nodded.

"Let me know when the month is up. It would be a shame to lose you."

"I know. Thank you, sir." Jase replied and nodded at him. For once he was doing something that was right for himself and a little bit selfish, but it felt like a weight was being taken off his shoulders already.

He watched as the rest of them piled into the shuttle one by one. Jase was looking forward to their vacation now, his mind already pleased with the outlook of sand, air, sky and ocean. Chilling with Jeff, for days to go on. Pure bliss.

The way Kaidan sat down next to Saya and put his arm around her showed the man was looking forward to it too, but Jase saw the unspoken question on his face and he studied now Liara and Saya. Both looked... a little distressed. Something was going on and he groaned inwardly. Couldn't they just get along for once? Whatever it was, it would get sorted out.

Jase felt a brush of air next to him and James was back in his seat. The man looked pretty pleased and it surely wasn't because of the vacation as James exchanged a knowing look with Anderson. The Admiral was about to leave the shuttle when Jase spoke up.

"Anderson? I'll be back for the promised tour of London." He gave the man a small smile with a nod, which was returned at him. It was a promise after all.

As soon as the shuttle started Kaidan took Saya's other hand into his and gave her a smile and whispered, "I think we need to find you something else than a bikini." He had never seen her in a bathing suit, but maybe she owned one already.

Irimsaya nodded a little bit, swallowing hard against the thought of Kaidan seeing the bruise on her stomach. She looked over at Jase and was pleased to see that he looked more relaxed already than he had in a couple of years.

"Yes Kaidan something other than a bikini is a damned good idea."

Kaidan nodded, he had figured as much.

Once they arrived back at the Normandy Jase went straight up to his cabin, got rid of his clothes and joined Jeff in their bed. He was fast asleep after he cuddled close.

And Kaidan started to pack their things after he had given the news to their crew. Tali and Garrus were still with their own fleets and Javik didn't look amused. But Kaidan tried his damned best to convince the prothean to try it at least. After all he could learn and study some human behaviour. Though he had the feeling the alien wouldn't really like it anyway. 

Irimsaya watched Kaidan pack their things and then leave her. She rubbed her face and went to the mirror then looked at herself. Her colour had gone again but she blamed that on seeing London. At least she hoped that's all it was. She lifted her eyebrows in surprise though when she realized that she had lost a bit of weight in her face.


End file.
